Who's this fucker?

I was perusing the back pages of YOU magazine (It’s not mine naturally, because I don’t read gossip. My sister happened to leave it open in the kennel where I always sleep and so I had to take a glimpse) and this dude Jamie Burke who is twenty years old seems to be sleeping his way through Hollywood. If you look at the above photo you will realise he could easily be the poor man's Johnny Depp. He has been linked to Lindsay Lohan and Kate Moss and is now with Courtney love. Although I would like to touch Lindsay and Kate, I would not touch Courtney with an FBI steel barge pole, let alone my pole. However! Courtney is still famous and he has hooked up with her. He is a scrawny, greasy, pale, long haired wimp. Guess that’s what Hollywood chicks like. So for this summer I’m not showering, staying out of the sun and I shall grow my locks. Maybe then I too can hook up with rich and famous girls. Then all I need to do is make like K-Fed and marry. Then drink, smoke pot, have a child or two and divorce. Then laugh all the way to the bank as the international press hunt me down for my “celebrity” Although I would like to be a little more famous than K-Fed. Maybe famous like Tom Jones. Because people know Tom Jones, he is rich but no one really gives two fucks about his personal life. I can dig that type of fame.