Monday, December 11, 2006

Ronge sends a pearler

To try and get my mind off the incident at the robots and the ridicule I am due to receive at the beach, I thought I would relax and read something. Having been through my Asian porn collection a thousand times I wanted something new. But those are the only magazines that I own. But lucky for me, I found the Sunday Times magazine from yesterday. So I got to Barry Ronges “Spit n’ Polish” column and he was saying what a busy time the end of the year is, especially for himself, trying to fit the work of 8 weeks into a production period of two weeks. He then delivers this pearler right to the core of my brain. I can actually feel my medulla oblongata throbbing right now. Or is that my cerebellum?

He says “Thus it was that, in pursuit of delivering topical film reviews, I found myself watching eight movies in five days, three of which involved three bad actors doing banal (What the fuck?) comedy while wearing Santa Claus suits. In addition, there were singing penguins, a chatterbox spider and a film about suburban life in America whose only sympathetic character is the town paedophile (Oh my good fuck). No wonder that, as I faced my new deadlines, I was unable to tell my art (Thinks it’s arse Bazza. You mention banal and paedophile, yet arse scares you?)) from my elbow”

Well fuck me sideways with a railway track! Bazza let me know where you getting your crack cocaine from, it sounds hectic! Let’s start at the beginning and try dissect this article one piece at a time.

Eight movies in five days? Bazza that does not take any energy whatsoever, and you have plenty of energy reserved in that tyre around your mid section. I watched eight movies once just by bunking school for a day and I did not even break a sweat. You never cease to amaze me.

Why the use of the word banal? Oh you devil you! You just wanted to slip the word “anal” into your column! Clever boy!

And then the most disturbing piece: “whose only sympathetic character is the town paedophile” So that means you sympathise with him I take it? You sympathise with a kiddy fiddler? Bazza that should dock you on Alcatraz for at least 50 years. I’m appalled. That part actually just KO’d my brain and I can’t think anymore. I’m going to go recover and when I come back I will write some more. I actually just found something to compare Barry to. A KFC tower rounder. Why? He looks all innocent and shit but once you listen to him he’s going to endanger your health (In Baz’s case, your mental health) Go in peace everyone and try and forget I ever read Bazza’s column. Good grief

6 comments:

Don said...

Hehe. Not the most normal guy in SA entertainment is he.

Anonymous said...

Barry Ronge is a pompous twat. I once read an article why he thinks the world needs another great flood (like the one with the ark and all the animals). He basically put it across that he, and he alone, is God's representative on earth. Tut tut Barry, I happen to believe the world might be a better place without your inane yakking.

I conclude by making it very clear that SINGING PENGUINS KICK ASS.

Anonymous said...

Fuck, I'm the minority, I think Ronge rocks. Sure his style is a tad pompous, at least he has identity though. His reviews are generally spot-on as he works them from the angle of the intended audience and not his own taste, a trap too many reviewers fall into.

Banal was the right word for what he wanted to say, and I don't see how you got him sympathizing with kiddie fiddlers, but hey, that's just me.

Sadly bro, I thought the best writing in the whole post was the Ronge clip you pasted...!

Anonymous said...

Who the fuck are you gaylords? I bet you like teabags too, I've got two nice salty ones for you poo pirates right here...

Party boy said...

I know I swear like a fucking trooper but try keep the language semi-decent-ish guys, shot. The man who writes all this fine rubbish.

Unknown said...

rich...! you're a tit.