It's time...for Kurland polo

It’s Monday and everyone is going on holiday on Friday, so I thought I better let you in on this.

I hate to say this but I am not a big fan of this time of the year. Everyone seems to be going to a different place (even country) for their new years celebrations. People get excited for a new years party which is quite frankly just another party. Then they make all sorts of resolutions which are bullshit anyway. But yes…the most annoying thing is that everyone is split up over this time. People are always saying “I’m going to be spending time with my family” Fuck that, I always try and keep a far distance from family members all year round. So what to do in those few days before New Years Eve? I have found the solution.

And it’s the Kurland Polo in Plettenberg Bay. As you can see from the photo of the Kurland estate above, that lawn is watered with only the finest champers. If you had to invent one word that incorporates the following into it “Cocaine, champagne, MILF’s, XS, decadence, snobs, trophy wives, money, sex, aristocrat, royal pricks” then “polo” would be your word. It is an elitist sport where people go to watch it to be seen. No one even knows how the game of polo really works, they are too busy coking it up at the bar. Yes, at the bar and not the bathroom. Polo is a sport where people go to make connections and if you don’t have anything to offer people, then they will not speak to you. It is a sport where the smell of botox overshadows the smell of the freshly cut grass and horse shit. It is a sport where everyone swings. John sleeps with Peter’s wife, Peter’s wife sleeps with the polo team, Peter shags Brenda which is Ron’s wife and so on and so forth. It is like one big orgy before the lunch time Cocaine Train has even swung through the VIP tent at Kurland. Oddly enough no ugly people attend the polo either. It is a sport where even a hint of ugly in you will see you escorted into the horses feeding pen until the last person has left. It is a sport where no one even cares who they support as long as it’s the local cocaine cartel.

And it is thus a sport of sheer XS where most people don’t dare go unless they are dressed like royalty, can do drugs like Iggy Pop and consume more fluids than Paris Hilton. It’s polo. It’s XS. It’s totally off the hook. Be there.

The Kurland Polo takes place on Friday 29 December 2006 in Plettenberg Bay.