Someones out to get me...

Over the years I have cultivated an image…wait… that’s the wrong word. People have bestowed upon me this image of a virile, strong, steel eating man. However someone is out to alter this image. And it’s my very own sister.

You see she visited me a couple of days ago and left something that I only found yesterday. The past few nights I have not slept at home, not even in the kennel I normally inhabit. When I arrived home yesterday I found a People magazine under the bird bath where I now sleep( I like to sleep in different locations around the house to give me fresh inspiration) This is possibly my sisters biggest attempt to overthrow my image. She knows if she leaves it there that I will read it and write about it. This gives me the “girlie-man” image she so desperately wants me to have. To top all of this off, this particular issue of People had a picture of Britney’s underwear in it. Oh, the underwear contained Britney as well, so I saw her ass. Thank the Great God of Zion that she had underwear on.

It did contain some pearls of wisdom for me though. I went to the classifieds and found someone who can guarantee me a perfect life. The ad went as follows: “Mama Achiwajira herbalist. I am the woman who never failed, solve all your problems, no matter how big the problem is. I am a specialist with financial problems, if you want to get rich quickly, I will help you. Win lotto (God she’s amazing!) and casino” It went onto list a whole bunch of crap. I quite like the winning the lotto part. I’m definitely going to give her a call. And I expect all of you to give her a call as well. After all she says she has never failed. I wouldn’t mind winning a casino either, those places basically print money all day long. Yeah, I want to win the Bellagio or the MGM Grand.

So to my sister, thanks for trying to overthrow my image, but I think when I call this herbalist I will have the last laugh. Ha ha ha! I shall rule the world!

I also received a flyer at the traffic lights at Wynberg on Tuesday which was for another healer. It is “Traditional Healer Dr Jamilu” Apparently he can cure debt problems, ghosts and demons in your homes, and even “Satisfy your lover with fully erected penis” This is one fucked up herbalist. The scary thing is he must get a fair amount of business because I remember many months ago getting this very same flyer. It’s all too strange.