“We don’t need no men!”- Quoted- Women worldwide

To all the editors of these chicks magazines like Femina, Cosmopolitan and Glamour, this post is for you. Now read up.

Look, I’m a modern day guy and I’m all for chicks doing things that mainly only guys used to do like being the CEO of a company, having full time jobs and raking in the cash. But the articles in these women’s magazines make me want to chunder all over myself. Yes you read it right. My favourite one’s are the ever popular “Why we CAN live without men!” I always read these magazines of my sisters in an effort to get inside women’s heads and figure out what they really think. Let’s equate how far I have got into the inner workings of women’s minds by using the earth as an example. If the molten core of the earth is the inner workings of a women’s mind, then I am busy scraping the topsoil in my garden. I am fuck all nowhere when it comes to understanding them. These editors of these chicks magazines are mindfucking the women who read their magazines. Women read these articles and believe everything that is said in them. Then I see these same women out at night and when they try pull me, and I dust them off, they then bring out the “I don’t need a man anyway!” card. Bullshit you don’t need a man! Let me put a couple things straight here and explain to you why you need men. Then after you have read it and thought “By George, this man is a genius!” then I will accept your apologies for saying you didn’t need a man. Here’s why you need us:

1) When was the last time you had a child by yourself? Exactly

2) Was it not a man by the name of Henry Ford who introduced vehicles to this world? If it were not for that man you would not be driving around in your pink smart car while trying to put your lip gloss on and trying to have a conversation on your pink Motorola Razr. Can you imagine having a girl’s weekend away in Knysna and walking there? Not fun is it? Exactly the reason why you need a car. And why you needed a man to design it.

3) Its fun posting your weekend shenanigans on YouTube is it not? Three names. Steve Chen, Chad Hurley and Jawed Karim. Founders of YouTube. All men. Enough said.

4) I see you running on the treadmill at the gym with those white earphones pumping the beats into your ears. iPods are great things. One man. Steve Jobs. No Stevie, no music.

5) Adam and Eve. No Adam, no world.

6) I bet you are reading this on your computer which probably runs on Windows. Bill Gates. Gender: Male

7) Will Ferrel is a man.

8) Would you be laughing so much right now reading this article if it were not written? No, of course not because if it was not written you could obviously not read it. I’m male. I wrote it.

9) I know how you girls love talking about Brad Pitt and Matthew McConaughey and saying things like “Oh my God, they’re like, so hot! Oh my God!” Am I correct in saying that they are male?

10) I bet you like those Armani sunglasses of yours! Giorgio is a guy’s name. In fact Giorgio is a guy.

Now take some time to savour this article because, and I don’t often say this, you know I’m 100% right. Now that’s funny. That’s hilarious. That’s hysterical. I win.