Can the world survive PS3?

I ask this not in a “It’s going to be so fucking awesome!” fashion, but rather in the fashion of “Can the world physically handle this?” You see I believe at any given moment in time there are probably about 10 billion computer nerds hidden in basements across the world. The second last time they surfaced was when PS1 came out. They thought it was alright which meant not all of them went to buy it. When PS2 arrived they heard it was awesome. But fearing the bright light outside would give them sunburn they sent friends and family to go buy it. However with the launch of the PS3 and all the worldwide hype about it, I fear an invasion of computer nerds are going to flood the world. You see at present they don’t bother us normal people because we never see them. But if they all come out at once…pandemonium. It’s like letting every earthworm in the world exit the soil at one time, it will be crazy. Only problem is there are more computer nerds than earthworms. Not to fear though because I have some theories.

Theory 1) These guys are extremely shy and look at lot’s of porn. They never see women. So in all the excitement most of them will have huge woodies and be too embarrassed to go out into the wide world. So this will count most of them out.

Theory 2) Dermatologists don’t make SPF 500. These nerds will have calculated how long they have not been in the sun for, how much is left of the ozone layer and through all of this will realise they need SPF 500 to safely enter the outdoors. Realising they don’t make this, these guys will stay indoors.

Theory 3) They are having sex. Not with a lady, but with the motherboard of their computer. At any given time 90% of these guys are shagging their computers. So when the PS3 is released they will be too busy to buy it.

Theory 4) Tom Cruise is in the “outside world” We all know these fuckers worship Tom Cruise, and they are never allowed to be seen around him, for he is their master. Knowing that Tom Cruise is everywhere promoting his new…no, not movie…but rather his “Zion” (his wife) they are afraid they will bump into him. And if this happens they will be made to jump on a couch for eternity. Which means there will be no time to look at porn, shag computers, and boast that their motherboard is “2 inches bigger than yours, Gabe!” This counts all of these bastards out.

I think it’s safe to say that once again I am a sheer genius. Yes, my name will be spoken of in the same sentence as Ghandi, Mandela, Bob Marley and Will Ferrell one day. So the answer to my above question is “Yes, the world can survive PS3”