Sexiest Man Alive

Once again People magazine has named it's "Sexiest Man Alive" and once again this morning I fell off my chair spilling hot chocolate all over myself. But today hot chocolate was even spewing out of my nose. Brutal. Not only was I shocked that I was not at the top pf the list but when I realised that some dude with grey hair was on the list I was stunned! Look I have never thought too highly of the local people magazine but I think even less of the international one. Clearly the people who work there sway to the lesbian side of things because they have absolutely no idea of what good looking is. I mean look at the photo of George Clooney(Thanks to www.news24.com) It's terrible. His hair is neatly gelled, he is wearing some sort of a suit, he is sober and he is smiling! What do women see in this? If I were female and were looking for the sexiest man alive I would not even have to think twice over who I would choose. He would eclipse Brad Pitt and be the only man to ever be named "Sexiest Man Alive" every year since the competition started. No I'm not talking about myself, I'm talking about the enigmatic Nick Nolte(Photo courtesy of www.thesmokinggun.com). Just look at him. He looks like he just came from an Armani shoot. Hair looking like an electric cable has just fallen onto him. Skin as booze red as a cherry tomatoe. A look on his face saying "I don't know who the fuck I am. The last thing I remember is swigging tequila with some sombrero wearing, taco eating guys waiting to jump the border." Come on ladies, don't you want to marry someone like that one day? I know you do. Your parents would be so proud. And look at his slick choice of clothing. It's sort of runway/surfer boy and screams "I can go from a day at the beach to a fine restaurant where I will wine and dine you and then take you back to my place where we can enter the love palace...Then I will be too drunk to remember who you are and possibly vomit and then fall out the bathroom window, killing myself and ending the People magazines "Sexiest Man Alive" campaign" Nick Nolte also has a look about him that says "I'm seriously famous but I don't care about looks and money" Is that not the exact type of husband your mother would want for you? You bet it is! So I'm calling Donald Trump now and I'm telling him to walk in to the offices of People magazine to tell the whole editorial team "You're fired" And Nick Nolte is hired.