Motorcade, SA style

A while ago I was cruising the streets of Cape Town in my CitiGolf VR3 and I heard this huge ruckus behind me. I heard sirens and I saw cars with blacked out windows racing up behind me. Their lights were flashing and a couple of things ran through my head. The first thought was “Sweet Jesus the apocalypse is coming!” That thought quickly changed into “Oh fuck it’s the Bin Laden!” This then changed into “Cool Tom Cruise is here to save South Africa from our health minister!” Then I thought “Oh shit they know where I hide my weed. Tucked under the chassis…” It turned out that none of this was true but rather it was some stupid fucking cabinet minister or minister of something getting a police escort through the city. You see in South Africa we have a minister for everything. A minister for pavement rehabilitation, which is not to be confused with a minister of road works. I don’t use capital letters for these peoples jobs because I don’t think they warrant it. Anything you can name in South Africa probably has a minister. And they all think they are President fucking Nixon. They get police escorts to the office, to the gym and to McDonalds. The fact is that the majority of the South African public don’t give a fuck who they are. We just wish they would piss off because they don’t do any work anyway and we just end up paying their salary. They are all dumb as shit, can’t spell their names and do no work. And even if they were important and some sniper was going to shoot at their car on their way to get a manicure, the best way to travel unnoticed is to go quietly. The easiest way to be spotted is to cause a huge noise that will wake the dead and make them spin like lathes in their graves. Personally I think it’s unnecessary not to mention it scares the hell out of me. Look at our health minister who thinks beetroot will bring you back from the dead, cure every disease on the planet, prevent global warming and provide you with a salary and make your coffee. Does this waste of taxpayers’ money deserve a police escort? No. She deserves to drive a Toyota Tazz with no air conditioner and flat tyres. She deserves to thrown into a lion cage with nothing but her garlic, beetroot and olive oil to protect her. There we have it, my plan for a better future for SA. You heard it here first.