Fuck YOU Vodacom!

When in a previous article I said that companies such as Vodacom rip us off, I was spot on. As you may have read I thought I had used up my entire internet for the month by surfing excessively for dirrrty photos. However when I logged onto the Vodacom website I realised they had my threshold had been set at 409 “megs”. That’s 90 “megs” short of what I overpay the fucks for. That’s nearly 20% that they tried to short change me for. So to you Vodacom I’m holding up my middle finger and shouting “Smoke my pole!” in your face. So I thought I would call them and give them a piece of my mind. After waiting for 16 minutes for a consultant, I hung up. This song played over and over again while I waited. It went like this:

“But my love is all I have to give, without you I don’t think I can live” God Vodacom how much more love do you want me to give you? And I actually do think I can live without you. It was a great way to spend a Friday afternoon, sitting on my phone while the radiation signals fry what I have left for a brain. My ear was red and warm after getting off the phone. It can’t be healthy. Well I’m going to try call them again today and I have pulled a few choice words out of the ever expanding “Sean’s Dictionary of Profanities” to use on them. Look I wrote them a letter as well, it’s crazy (I wrote this letter while spending 25 minutes waiting for a consultant on Saturday morning… So I have spent 40 minutes on the phone with still no answer. It makes me such a happy chap when this happens) Well I won’t count on them answering my call today because it’s Monday and we all know everyone at Vodacom plays golf on a Monday.

To: CEO Vodacom SA

From: Sean

Dear fuckhead

I hope your secretary delivered this to you in your nice air conditioned office. I hope she also gave you a nice strong cup of coffee to wake you up, because clearly you have been sleeping a lot of late because your business does not work. You must be sleeping with the CEO of Telkom, because you also seem intent on charging the public ridiculous amounts of money for stuff you don’t deliver. It’s Saturday and while you cruise the Bahamas on a yacht that has been bought with illegal funds, I sit at home like a dog waiting to be fed. I’m waiting for a consultant to answer my call. And by the way if you don’t change the fucking call waiting song I’m going to put a fucking gun in my mouth. I’m guessing this will suit you because I’m tied to a two year contract. So while I will be dead and therefore not using my internet, you will still be charging me for my contract. Where did you learn such stellar business practise? Martha Stewart? Enron? Well of course not, because you taught these bastards all they need to know. I am deliberately going out of my way to make friends with the guys who build Mercedes Benz cars so that when next you order a custom S500, I am going to make sure that it arrives with brakes whose cables will snap at the push of a button on my phone. You’re a fucker. I have been on my phone for 24 minutes. I feel a brain haemorrhage coming on. Anyway enjoy your weekend and I hope you die.

Greatest, stellar, most beautiful regards!

Seano Maximo