Dr Phil makes me want to overdose on a poison pill

I don’t know if you have ever heard Jamie Oliver talk about mushy peas(Actually he says “Moosy peez”), but I have. Now this is exactly what talk shows are. They are mushy, sloppy, pathetic cauldrons of bubbling insecurity boiling up right on your TV screen. If you have ever taken time out to watch them you will know what I speak of. People with problems come on these shows and tell the host what their problems are. Now usually it is Dr Phil they are speaking to. So they say “I’m a big ass overweight bitch and it’s ruining my life! Help me Dr Phil!” Then Dr Phil goes into a lengthy discussion on the behavioural factors behind excessive binge eating. Basically he says “Well now. Eating is a basic human thing. But for people like you eating is a comforting thing. You take comfort in eating because it makes you feel good. You know it is making you fucking huge but while you are eating you forget about this. Now I am not a dietician but I know the key to weight loss is eating less and exercising more. I am, after the show, going to refer you to an in house dietician who is going to help you along this path to a better body” Then the fat person gets tears in their eyes, the crowd applauds Dr Phil (For reasons no one knows), everyone feels better about themselves and they go have a big sex party afterwards at Dr Phil’s palace of sweet loving. But these shows are bullshit. Anybody can be a Dr Phil. When you really listen to what he is saying it is actually very simple. You don’t need to be a doctor to say the things he does. And yet he makes millions of dollars for dispensing advice anybody can give you. It never ceases to amaze me how some people become rich. It’s just so fucking unfair. Fuck you Dr Phil (I bet his comment to this will be: Well now. By using the f word it tells me you had a disturbed childhood. You have deeper issues to resolve. Now I am not a psychologist but I am going to offer you the services of our in house psychologist…etc) Fuck off Dr Phil, I am a doctor. I can even self medicate myself. I have this great “Cure all” potion. It’s called Jack Daniels. You just drink the whole bottle and all the worlds’ problems are solved. And it’s only R120 and none of the profit goes to the building of your new mansion in Los Angeles. By the way if you want to know what depression feels like visit Dr Phil’s website and read some of the articles. With titles such as “Today’s show: When eating disorders turn deadly” and “New Year’s resolution: Change your jerk husband?” it is bound to make you want to swallow that rat poison in the cupboard. The cheesy photo of Dr Phil is courtesy of his even cheesier website:www.drphil.com