What happened to the house?

I woke up this morning confused, stunned, stoned some might say. But I was not. I was just a bit lost, like something in life was missing. Some things in life should just work like clockwork. Like a clock for example. When my watch(Wrist-clock if you will) stops working, I lose my direction for a while. Well until I look at my phone anyway. But you get the point. Or you don't. Whatever.

I must be honest, getting off the topic, some things don't bother me when they don't work like clockwork. For instance, elevators. I am constantly amused(I would use "bemused" but I don't know what it means) when I see people get to an elevator and it is not working. Especially those rich Constantia moms("MILFS" if you will) They will stand there, looking it up and down, seething with botox, Prada bag in one hand, Louis Vuitton dog bag in the other, and there is where they stand. They get this confused look on their face, almost as if Tom Cruise and the apocalypse are looming down on them. Then their botox wears off, their lips go lopsided, their chin falls off and they take their first tentative step onto the elevator. Never ceases to amaze me. Way off the topic though and not relevant to anything.

So last night I was sitting in front of my TV, waiting for The House Of Carters to start. But it never did. They were showing some red carpet awards bullshit, with Ruby Wax(Who is fucking funny) They also interviewed Emily Blunt, thank God.

But yeah, the House Of Carters never started. They just missed it entirely. So 19:35 came, it went, and I was shocked. Where was Angel? Nick? Aaron? BJ?(HA HA HA!) And their other sister? It was all too strange.

So I did not see it. Here I sit, on a Monday, not knowing what the Mickey Rourke is happening. Could this mean Tom Cruise is my father? Is Oprah really the illegitimate black granddaughter of David Hasselhoff? Are those not cigarettes my friends smoke? Is it, God forbid, weed? These questions are piling up in my head, causing a large headache, all because E! did not play my show.

LOOK WHAT YOU GUYS HAVE DONE!

MY LIFE IS WORTHLESS!

WORTHLESS I TELL YOU!

Okey dokey. Where was I?