What a gay weekend!

I write this on Sunday, but shall set the day for the post to Monday because I can. The photo above is one similiar to the rainstorm described in this post. I may be exaggerating with this photo, but bear in mind that I was in a very gay state of mind this whole weekend.

I was looking over what I achieved this weekend and I realised I had achieved sweet fuck all! Saturday was spent listening to VH1's top 50 love songs. Shit, I was emotional. So emotional and touched by all these songs that for a moment I considered actually cleaning up my act and getting a girlfriend. I quickly snapped back to reality realising that a girlfriend leads to those "talks", which leads to things getting serious, which leads to marriage, which leads to kids, which leads to my once tight assed wife refusing to lose the baby weight, which leads to me being depressed, and all of this leads to FUCK ALL MONEY IN THE BANK!

And as we know, money can in fact buy happiness. Someone told me this the other day "People who say money can't buy happiness obviously don't have enough money" I nodded, because this is so true.

Then I realised that my Sunday was gay. Not gay as in happy, but gay as in George Michael.

I met BMP just past Camps Bay for an early morning cycle in an effort to win the Argus. However, after only getting to bed at 2am and having to wake up at 4:30am, cycling was not feeling good in my mind. I only got to bed at 2am after my neighbours fucking dog kept barking, which ended in us ringing their door bell at 1:30am telling them to shut the fucking dog up before I come in there and personally see to everyones death. I swear to God, alsatians are gay. This dog has the gayest bark in the world and just barks at nothing. I bet you that that dog smokes pole. I can actually guarantee it. So that's where the days gayness started, with a gay dog at 1:30am.

So onto the cycle. We arrived, both tired, and saw a rainstorm the size of Mars approaching us. Sitting there in cycling shorts and tight shirts my immediate thought was "Fuck, I'm actually going to die today next to a friend of mine. We are both wearing spandex and when the authorities find us dead, they are going to think these early morning rides were an excuse for us to get together without anyone around because we were actually gay lovers" This thought shocked my brain. Luckily BMP was just worried about the cold, and we decided that a ride was not in order. While we packed away our stuff, after only just unpacking it, we saw loads of cyclists riding past, going towards the rain, like a bunch of fools. We also then set off into the rain, in our cars of course. So that was the ride. A very gay one.

Then I got home and thought I would watch the DVD that I had hired the previous day. It was about 7:30 am now and I had not finished watching the movie because I had fallen asleep watching it on the couch(I have to write this. As I type, Robbie Williams "Angels" is playing on MTV. And I'm listening to it, word for word. Very gay) I had fallen asleep on the couch at about 9:30pm. On a Saturday night. Very gay.

The movie I had hired was an animation, Ant Bully. It's a kids film. A 21 year old man watching an animation on a Saturday night. Very gay.

Ant Bully, a kids film. Very very gay.

Then I fell asleep watching the cricket yesterday, in which we fucked Pakistan up, with Smith hitting a six off the last ball he faces. Classy. But seriously, I fell asleep watching the cricket at about, shit knows when but it was in the afternoon. Gay.

Then I caught myself, not even thinking, watching MTV's love songs weekend on Sunday(I mentioned this earlier didn't I?). By myself. Gay. I was eating marshmallows(No seriously, none of this is bullshit, contrary to what I suspect will be popular belief) Gay

Even worse was watching VH1's top 50 love songs on Saturday afternoon. I lost control of my emotions with songs such as Enrique Iglesias "Hero", Sade, Aerosmith's "I don't want to miss a thing", Joe Cocker(Gay name) and Van Morrison's "Have I told you lately" Gay. What an awesome day.

In Enriques "Hero" he gets the fuck kicked out of him by Mickey Rourke, but then still survives to see Jennifer Love Hewitt later in the video. Can you imagine giving a chick a bracelet that you saved for her after Mickey "Fucking" Rourke kicked your ass to the ground? That guarantees you action from her for life even if you end up selling bracelets on the side of the road after gaining an horrendous tik addiction that leaves you with a lazy eye and a gimp leg.

Then when people drive past and laugh saying "Look there is that has been drug addict loser" ,you can then just shout back, at the top of your Tik toasted lungs "Fuck you mother fuckers! I'm still fucking Jennifer Love Hewitt!"

God, I have totally lost my composure on this post, I don't even know where it is going anymore. Hope you enjoyed it as much as I remember writing it. Whatever that last sentence meant.