The weekend we had

Firstly, happy new years everyone! Hope you can’t remember the night, or are just still partying. I have a good feeling about 2007, it just feels right. Enjoy the day and if you are in Cape Town I don't think the weather could be better. Now onto the weekend that was…

Saturday

So the weather turned shit once again on Saturday and a plan was hatched to visit the Victoria and Alfred Waterfront apartment (God that sounds pompous) of Ross the intern from the ad agency. I won’t mention the ad agencies name, I don’t hand out free advertising unless blank cheques are handed over. It was a small group but we still managed to be filthy as usual. The conversation turned filthy as soon as the girls went inside to discuss lip gloss and Brad Pitt. The coals were lit (Well not really…the gas braai was lit) and we promptly threw another shrimp on the barbee. Gooday mate to that.

From the view, you will see the weather was quite nice. In actual fact it was quite whore-ish. Actually it was not as bad in the Victoria and Alfred Waterfront as it was in Rondebosch. The people on the Waterfront side of the mountain have this unique relationship with the world where if they want the weather to change, it does. It still rained a bit and was cold, but it was a touch better than the other side of the mountain. December and it’s raining in Cape Town. I’m phoning the weather office as I type to ask for better weather, this is unacceptable. How am I supposed to turn into a bronzed gladiator if it’s raining? It’s crazy times here. I want hot sun. Now dammit! Also please take note of the lone, what I like to call “Cabana Hut”, sitting by itself on the waters edge(above photo). I think it is a Cabana Hut where women go to be oiled up before hitting the sun. Job applications are being frantically filled out as I speak, or type at least.

I was trying to look over the balcony to see if any neighbours were around. Because then I can check to see if the rich womens husbands are at home. If not then I can pull in there, blackmail her and then steal vast amounts of money. There were no neighbours around though so they must all be summering in the Hampton’s. Or maybe somewhere cheaper… like Monaco. Just look at the photo here of all the empty apartments. It makes you want to use the “48 hour rule” that the squatters in South Africa use. Move into a place that is not yours and if you are there longer than 48 hours or something then no one can evict you. It’s a fucking stupid rule, but in this case it could work to my advantage.

I was quite disappointed with the weather as I had brought a nice chilled white wine to drink, but it ended up giving me brain freeze. If there is any brain to freeze.

I wore shorts which was stupid. It got seriously cold later on and I started to freeze. I survived though, I must be a distant relative of Chuck.

You will also notice that there is quite a lot of building going on. When the new hotel is up it should quickly fill with the world’s hottest women. So we will be visiting Ross’s apartment every day from then on.

Then the one girl who was supposed to arrive didn’t because I heard from Mike she was sick. I could not really hear what Mike was saying because as soon as he said “she’s not coming” I felt my stomach knot up, turn like a cement mixer and then I felt like vomiting. I was going to propose to her right there. Now I’ve lost my nerve, and the ring. Fuck it, my heart is shattered. Pass the superglue.

Sunday

New Years eve we headed back to Ross’a apartment. New Years turned out disastrous when a 7am sms woke me up saying the party I was supposed to be going to was cancelled when the host, Meg, got sick. Not knowing what do to I was resigning myself to a New Years wondering around the house by myself with a bottle of chilled wine wondering “What has my life come to?” Anyway, then a plan was brought forth by my brother, inviting me to a “Vegas pool party” somewhere in Hout Bay. The name sounded good enough for me! So I called up my mate Mike to see if he wanted to go but he was still sick, so that plan was then cancelled. A last minute call from Ross the intern(Well it’s 2007 now so he’s the ex-intern) saved the day when he said I should pull through to the Waterfront and have a couple of drinks with him and is friend from America, Courtney. I was in.

I headed through there at about 7pm and cracked open a bottle of wine, and we admired the view and how light it was in summer. It was 7pm and I believe the sun was still shining. The night’s best laugh was brought on by a security guard in his speedboat patrolling the water in front of the apartment. Either drunk or high, or both, we watched him drive his boat head on into the railings. I mean come on, how do you crash your boat into the fucking railings! You have virtually an entire ocean to cruise around in and you crash, amazing. Clearly the festive season drugs taking their toll on our mans motor neurons.

We then decided to visit Bascule for one drink before heading to wherever we were going to go. We chilled there and ate all the free nuts and stuff that were given to us. Because if it’s free, it’s for me! Then tiring of the smell of whiskey we wanted something nastier smelling so it was Ross’s clever idea to go stroke the seals, or walruses, or Llamas or whatever the fuck these things were. Photos to follow once I steal Ross’s camera from him. They were making the most incredible noise and it was scaring me, but I think Ross was enjoying touching them for some sick reason. Then Courtney decided she wanted a photo with them as well. I had pictures in my head of me ending up in jail for being an accessory to murder after two Americans in South Africa get eaten by seals. Or walruses. Or Llamas. Then Ross decided to run after them and promptly chased them all off the boardwalk, sending these one ton big bitches jumping (or flopping) into the water at about 10pm. Well worked Ross.

We then went to Alba to see in 2007. I think the highlight there was asking (Because I’m cheap) these people if I could eat the food that they had not eaten. So I promptly whisked up their platter of spring rolls and all sorts of other nice stuff, and ate like a demon. Fuelled up again I smashed a glass of wine, some more champagne and then was dizzy. The dizziness subsided though when the fireworks went off and some guy decided to set off a flare at the same time. The flare went up, drifted to the left, and landed. In a crowd of people. At a restaurant! Unbelievable! This flare just landed in this whole crowd and I don’t know what happened after that, I could not see. Not because my view was obstructed, but because I had lost those senses already.

After all that, we headed back to the apartment and I went to bed at about 3am while Ross and JP from Bascule stayed up the whole night. When I woke up at 7am they were still trucking. And that was it. A New years that looked disastrous but in the end turned out good. Very good. Indeed I say…

Now it’s time to fire up the Weber. Until then…enjoy the year, it’s going to be great.

I can’t believe I had the composure to write this so early on
New Years day. Amazing.