Pimp Your Priests Ride

If you see this car look who’s driving

Because it’s a new year, and I’m having fun, I thought I would post this article which is very stupid, but it could be very true.

Thinking back to Christmas day when I had to go to church, I looked at the donation bowl going round and I began to wonder how much cash the church makes. I mean, and I’m not going to lie to you, I saw a hefty wad of cash in that bowl. And I wondered what happens to all that money. Because people just blindly hand over their everything to the church. My mom is one of those people. She wanted to give a computer printer to the church. Given half a chance I think she would give me to the church. But I know they don’t want me. But where would this printer go to? Would it perhaps hook up to the priests 17” Apple MacBook Pro? I bet its colour would match his Samsung flat screen TV nicely as well.

But seriously, where does all this money go? I looked around the church and it’s not as if they have hung any new paintings up or put in a flat screen TV. There are no new chairs, no new anything. So this money must be going somewhere. I’m keeping my eyes wide open these days. Whenever I walk past a fancy restaurant or bar I’m going to take a look inside to see if the priest is dining on crayfish and prawns or sipping on a Glenlivet 21 year old whiskey. I’m sure he lives a lavish lifestyle, funded by people’s blindness. I don’t mean to make a mockery of the Christian faith, but I think I make a very valid point. So next time you see a helicopter flying around, or a Ferrari burning up the streets, don’t just stare in amazement. Take a look who is inside, it may just be your local parish priest.

Another thing I’m finding amusing today are the sms’s that are being sent to me. Every year it’s the same cheesy sms’s that drive me mad. They are so stupid that I’m quite embarrassed that people I know actually sent them. This is an example:

May good luck stalk you and happiness attack you wherever you go. May your miseries be hijacked and may they pickpocket all of your worries. Happy 2007!

Someone is trying to fuck with my head by sending this. Who wrote this tirade of crap? It’s so bizarre I don’t know what to say. So I shall sit in silence.

Ok

Everything is silent

Except for the alarm in my head ringing and saying “Who the fuck wrote this?”

And of course Fleetwood Mac is making a nice little noise in my ears.