What to do when you win the lotto

I would not say that I am the most intelligent person on the planet, but I think I come across as intelligent judging by the questions I am asked. Friends always come to me for answers and questions such as “Where do black holes go to?” and “Why are you such an enigma?” and “Why do the stripes in toothpaste tubes always come out perfectly, even when you squeeze the tube all fucked up?” and “Where is the Inca gold hidden?” and “Why do things disappear in the Bermuda triangle?” and “How did you become a teenage prodigy?” I am asked these questions on a fairly regular basis and always try my best to answer them.

But the question I'm most often asked is “What would you do if you won the UK lottery at something like 50 million pounds?” Is is quite a startling question and I have never quite answered it. It perplexes me.

Until today. My sister dropped by and left a YOU magazine right next to the laptop and it was open on the backpage section where there was a photo of Kelly Slater(The surfer) teaching Cameron Diaz to surf. Whether he was teaching her more than this is not completely known. I then cast back in my mind to another YOU magazine my sister had left open on the desk where I do the writing of my various articles. It showed a picture of Kelly Slater on the beach with Gisele Bundchen. And so I looked at the common denominator in these two pictures and realised it was Kelly Slater.




And from this I came to my answer. I would buy personal lessons in living from Kelly Slater. Here is a man who earned his fortune while being on the beach. He shaves his head. He lives on the beach permanently. He hangs out with Gisele. He hangs out with Cameron. If I could even just see Gisele far in the distance, it would render me completely useless. I would not be able to do a single thing. I would be drooling like a puppy and doing completely fucked up things. In short, I would totally lose my composure.

But Kelly on the other hand(Right one) seems as cool as ever around these women. It could be that he has a couple of million in the bank and is quite good looking. It could also be that he has never had to pull anyone that does not qualify as “Fucking hot” But I still think there are a few things to be learnt from the man.



Imagine you right now in this situation:(If you're a guy. Um...ok some girls won't mind)

You're lying on the beach, and a women smears oil all over you. You look into her eyes and say “Get me another beer” She fetches it for you. You down it in one clean swoop. You lie back while the suns rays turn you into a darker shade of Mexican. You feel a hand slip down your pants...(Ok this is turning into an horrendously written porn novel) Basically all this shit happens and you wake up in the morning and it's Gisele lying next to you in bed. She is absolutely broken. They need the jaws of life to free her from your bed. Your alarm goes off and you check it. It says “Breakfast date with Victoria Silvstedt” You pack up your stuff and leave without waking the broken Gisele. You don't even bother getting her number. Because you live a lifestyle where you can get a hotter women every day of the year. Gisele is but a blip on your radar.

That story illustrates how Kelly Slater lives.

Now back to the question: What would you do with a 50 Million pound lottery jackpot?