This should be classified as a Class A drug

I was browsing the juice aisle at Spar yesterday wondering what I could imbibe on such a horrendously hot day while Eskom once again fucked around with our electricity. I would have been in Pick 'n Pay were it not for the said power cuts that closed Pick 'n Pay down.

So I meander into the Spar like a complete rock star, shades on, iPod thumping a very soulful Barry White into my ears. I cruise into the juice aisle and just as I am about to grab the pressed apple juice I notice a pharmaceutical of some sorts on the shelf. Shocked that drugs were in such easy reach of young kids, I took this orange stuff off the shelf to take a closer look. On closer inspection it turns out that this stuff was made for drinking. By whom, may I ask? A clinically insane person? The colour immediately reminded me of those highlighters I was forced to use when I was a complete idiot at school.

Turning the bottle to get a nice clear view of the label I learnt that this stuff is called "Drink-O-Pop" Yeah, you drink it, your liver goes POP. A 200ml bottle makes an un-fuck-me-up-believable 8 litres! How insane is that? So I checked the ingredients to see what was in Georges fucking marvellous medicine. Here they are:

Water
Citric Acid
Non-nutritive sweeteners(Sodium cyclamate, Sodium Saccharin)
Cloudifier
Sodium citrate
Flavourant
Sodium Benzoate(Preservative)
Colourant

Sweet Jesus. Not even a mention of fruit of any sort. Even Oros contains 6 percent juice when mixed. This stuff will well and truly fuck you up.

Not wanting to risk my great health, I did not attempt to drink this stuff. Instead I decided to see what uses it can come in handy for.

You will see in the photos that if you dip an ear bud in your bottle of Drink-O-Pop that it makes quite a competent highlighter. And it's only about R5 or R6 for a 200ml bottle. Much cheaper than highlighters! I am genius. I also poured it into my basin to see if it would stain it. Well it didn't but I'm sure it would have cleared a blocked drain if I had one. Send in your suggestions for your uses for "Drink-O Pop" It's good shit. Just don't drink it. I take no responsibility for heart attacks and strokes suffered when drinking this stuff.