The Waterfront-Touristy

It was decided that yesterday was a ridiculous day to be spent at home so myself and Jerry decided a trip to the Waterfront was in order to go see what all the tourists were doing in their knee high socks and sandals. So we cruised around to Quay Four for a drink, but seeing as though we are not raging alcoholics all I wanted was a cooldrink-and if I don't want a beer, I don't fucking want a beer. Clearly if you are a young person waiters think you must drink alcohol at 2pm. So I ordered an Appletizer and Jerry ordered a Coke. No big deal. Until the waiter gave us a funny look. He said “Are you sure you don't want a splash of cane in that?” No fuckhead, actually I don't. It didn't piss me off that he said this, but the way he said it was what got me going. He looked at us as though we were completely off our heads, not drinking booze. When I'm in your restaurant, you should make me feel comfortable and do as I say. Not that we were feeling threatened by punk boy, but it's irritating having to explain to a waiter why you are not drinking. I blew this off as a once off thing and that this guy was maybe new. Then we ordered a plate of chips to clog our arteries-for R37. Jesus, I can buy a fucking potato field for that price. Better yet, I can buy a rice paddy with a thai boy to tend to it for less. Their chicken burgers were priced at R42. An entire Woolworths chicken is only R36. I know you pay for the vibe and the waiters and shit, but fuck thats expensive. The Waterfront should have signs up saying “Tourists only” Then our parking cost R10 as well. I would be willing to pay this if I got a free watch or something. Fuck thats expensive. Fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck. The swearing in this article is completely unnecessary but it sounds so right to me as Bob Dylans “Knocking on heavens door” plays through my room.

If anything about the Waterfront gets to me, it's the price of parking. Ten rand for 1-2 hours is pathetic because I don't get anything out of it. They should at least try and cater for local people, seeing as though we are the people who shop there most of the year. But then the parking below the BMW pavilion is only R5 for 1-4 hours. Completely strange. Fuckers.

Now I know I'm hitting the complain train today, but I went into Lee Cooper yesterday to see what I could not afford, and the punk working behind the counter could not have played the music louder if he tried. Like so loud that you could hear it four shops away. The song playing had something to do with “ho's” and then right after that went onto Justin Tiberlake. Then everytime I asked him something he had to turn the music down. You are not a fucking DJ, and Lee Cooper is not fucking studio 54, so turn that shit down. I'm young, I dig music, but seriously it's unnecessary. When you are in your fucked out Datsun cruising the 'hood with your plastic stick on spinners with your “ 'ho” in the boot, then play the music as loud as you want. But when I'm in your shop, show some respect to my ears.

And seriously, Lee Coopers shirts have awesome designs, but they are designed for midgets. I'm a small guy and I have virtually no shoulders and their large shirts were too tight for me. Clearly they are catering to the gay fashion models, like Bruno and Wahb. That shop is a waste of time