Who cares if this guy smoked the reefer?

There is this whole big thing currently going on about Tory leader David Cameron, and allegations that he smoked weed. If he was caught smoking it at work, I suppose people would have reason to worry. But he did not do this.

Instead, the 40 year old was caught smoking a little herb way back in 1982 when he was 15 years old! Who cares?! This way you may as well get rid of all people in politics because I'm sure they all got fucked up drunk before they were legally allowed to. Yes, weed is illegal, but so is underage drinking. And is it really such a big deal, that as a 15 year old, he wanted to have a good time? Does it warrant all day coverage on Sky News, 25 YEARS LATER?! I mean, fuck, that news is a little bit old guys. Get over it. He is not coming out and saying he smoked weed though, which is odd considering when I saw the Sky news poll, 81% of people said they did not care if he did smoke weed. Hell, he should come out and say it and he will probably be more popular, considering the whole world smokes reefer at the moment anyway.

I'm sure if we tapped into Thabo's records, he was probably not immune to knocking back a little scotch over the weekends in standard 7. Or smashing a couple of brewskies at the weekend game when he was 17. I bet George Bush HATED to have a couple of drinks when he was young.

And so everyone did when they were young. But that's old news, it's what young people do and it would be great if Sky news would cover something more important. Like Jessica Biels bum.

WAKE UP!

You have probably heard of Dirty South-I always see their trucker caps around at YDE and I can't remember where else. So I was looking at their website and clearly these guys made fuck loads of money because they don't work anymore. They must be living the dream on some island after raking in the cash in the early days of business. If you look on their site you will notice things such as "Hot new Brazilian bikinis and lingerie: Coming in 2005" and "2005 Dirty South New Faces Model search" Um...hello...unless I got stuck in a time machine and got sent to the future then everyone else should also be in 2007.

The scary thing is that you can still order things from their website and you can enter a competition. Yeah you bet I would trust my credit card on their site!

Guys if you read this, wipe the coke out your nose, take the tik bulb out your mouth, pull the needle out your arm and get off the beach. Then update your site, fuckers.

Oh well I guess I would do the same if I had lots of cash.

Ex SA cricketer linked to Fidentia

But not in the scandalous way you are thinking!

I just went to the PO Box, where I take delivery of various packages containing various things, and picked up my Sports Illustrated. In it there is a small section called "Legends of the ball" They basically find out what ex cricketers are doing these days. In Meyrick Pringles case, it seems nothing.

You may recall him as the former SA swing bowler, and I actually do remember him which is remarkable. I don't know when this article was written but the first question posed to him is "What are you up to these days?"

His answer? This is it: "I work for Fidentia as the customer relations manager, and have been doing so for the past three years"

Mmmm...interesting. Good luck in trying to keep the customer relations going! That is going to be one hell of a job. I can imagine customers are quite happy with the way business is going.

Sure.

Fidentia marketing team continue to dazzle

If you read my previous post, you will know about Fidentia. Or you will just know about them by moving away from the confines of your house. Or you will just know about them because they are dominating the news. Anyway, when a company steals money on such a large scale you would expect their advertising to be pulled.

Like when Kate Moss was caught doing a bit of nose candy, many of her advertising campaigns were pulled. Clearly Fidentia are stronger than this, and continue to have their name shown in cricket grounds. Today's story is by far the best one.

A friend of mine, Andre, after reading yesterdays post, told me that outside Newlands cricket ground they were putting up posters for the game between the Cobras and the Fidentia Warriors. Now I am inclined to believe what friends tell me, but this was too good to be true! Anyway, I made my way to Newlands, and it was true!

You can go watch the Fidentia Warriors play the Nashua Cape Cobras on the 25 February at 2:30pm. What great advertising for Fidentia, having their own cricket team.

How does this all happen? SURELY they cannot possibly still be able to sponsor a cricket team? Surely their name should be pulled from this team's jersey and from the team altogether? Is it possible that the Fidentia Warriors have been training at a high altitude centre somewhere far away, and are currently unaware what shit their boys Fidentia are in? I can't answer these questions, but they do intrigue me.

As I said earlier, their advertising team are gurus. My friend Mike is in advertising, and if he could tap into their brains, I have no doubt he will be a millionaire by Monday.

Fidentia still in the game

You will by now all know of the Fidentia scam where some R680 million is "missing" Money taken from orphans and widows. But even as the scam unfolds, and business halts, these guys are still putting their name out there.

Clearly their advertising department are relentless. Or somebody at the cricket is stupid. I have just been watching SA play Pakistan and I noticed on one of the railings, right next to a Coca Cola advert, a Fidentia signboard. It was perfectly captured as Jacques Kallis tried to save a four, which was unsuccessful. Clearly though, with the game being in PE, they have no idea about the Fidentia scam.

They probably think Fidentia are a dental lab, dealing in dentures.

If we can get the name of Fidentias advertising department who managed to keep this sign up, I think we may be onto the best advertising gurus in the country.

BAR-B-Q sauce that bee-hind

This is the bum I am talking about. I was just sent this by a friend, Mike. This photo perfectly illustrates what I look for in a woman, and what I don't. All in one picture, you say? Yes. Look at Jessice Biel. Notice her ass(Yes it is looking big, but it's good. And those photos always make it look bigger. But I bet it's harder than diamonds. I'm thinking "spit roast" right about now) I don't know what I just wrote in brackets, I blacked out on roofies.

Now notice her legs. Yes, athletic. Yes yes yes to everything about them. Then notice the legs in the background. This is where the "That is not what I want" part of my story comes in. Call me mean, call me cruel. Fuck it, if you look like Jessica Biel, or in fact are Jessica Biel, just call me. Slap me around and call me your filthy cabana boy who is in need of much cleaning and punishment. Call me on my cellphone. For the love of God, just call me...

Things I could tell you

I could tell you that the weather is shit today, and that I had just washed my car yesterday.

I could tell you that Anna Nicole Smith died yesterday, aged 39.

I could tell you that some obscure people are playing at Kirstenbosch on Sunday, The Cape Town Highlanders, and therefore I am pleased for the rain.

But I won't tell you any of this. What I will tell you is to keep an eye out for the Kim Kardashian sex tape. Look at the photo below and realise why she "is nice!"



I will also offer something to look at on this not so fine day of the year. It is when the weather is shit like this that I want to be on the beach more than ever. And what better than to offer you a picture of the beach, with a woman on that beach? I want to be on that Malibu beach. Mind you, I want to be on Kristin Cavallari



Then for the women out there, apparently you think this guy is hot. Matthew McConaughey.Personally I think he looks more like the wild man of Borneo than Brad Pitt. But hey, if the rugged Camel man is the type you are after(Or just money) then you are spot on.



With Kristin you get the whole package. Fit body, loads of dollars, probably a slight bitch at times but hey, I can't complain about that. When you sit in your office or wherever you sit, just imagine being in Malibu now, on the beach, with these people. Shit that feels good.

You know it does

La Lohan unplugged

I have always had a thing for Lindsay Lohan. Yeah she is not your typical beauty, she has a couple of freckles, cuts her wrists, drinks, smokes, misses work etc. I'm sure she partakes in a bit of pot smoking as well. But maybe I am the caring type and want to hold her in my arms, rock her gently, sing her a lullaby, kiss her neck, get her wrecked on roofies and take advantage...

GFGNNENGDXXDSDWD #$634#$%^#$

Black
Out
Can't
See

Sorry about that, I just blacked out. Forget that thing about roofies, I was not able to control myself during my blackout. It's just a joke this whole roofie thing(Or is it?)

Anyway I like Lindsay, a lot, but the photo above is a bit of a shocker. Instead, my new thing is Jessica Biel. Or Jessica Biels bum at least. Enjoy little ones.

If you look closely at her bum bum you will see it is a very nice bum bum.

Man, how I would love to slap some barbecue sauce on that BEE-HIND!

Tough days in my world

Look living like I do is not always the easiest thing and so one or two days go by where I don't write, eat, drink, smoke weed, the normal everyday things.

For instance, on Tuesday I was forced by forces beyond my control to head down to the pool at Kelvin and put my body on the line in the sun. Fuck it was great. Then yesterday morning I was up at 5am to leave for a mountain bike ride. I started riding at about 5:50 and the photo above was taken at 6:21. So life is not always easy, it's very busy sometimes. Then in the afternoon I headed to Kelvin again where I once again put the vibe out, smashed a cooldrink, watched a spot of cricket and did some very deep thinking. I actually thought of something two days ago that is so remarkable, so intriguing, so marvellous and so original that I have only told myself. I don't want to let the secret out in case the idea is stolen. Often people steal lines that I use. For instance one year when I was kicking it old school in Rome with my homeboys, we were sitting at a table in a restaurant and the waitress asked "Would you like another glass of wine, Barron Lloyd?" To which I replied, "Well, when in Rome" This caught on very quickly and now everyone uses it.

Often when people meet me they say "Good God, I thought you only existed in myth!" And so this makes life even more challenging, having to explain to the mad crowds that I am indeed just like other people. I also make money grow on trees, pull Brazilian supermodels and have a slight addiction to various chemicals. So you see I am just like you.

I am suffering from a mild case of heat and sleep exhaustion and so the above was written while I was partially blacked out. I took a tablet to wake up but I by mishtake shlipped myshelf a roofie...I'm tired now I musht go...bye by

I don't like naked men on my site

You have seen this photo already and I'm not too proud of having it on my site and it was a harrowing experience getting it. I stumbled upon some gay websites like Queerty and Generation Q which was disturbing. Look, if that's your thing it does not worry me, but it's not my thing. For my thing go to the "La Lohan post"

Anyway I don't know what the fuss is about because I still win. Here are my reasons why in a duel, Sean vs Daniel, I win.

1- I am clearly more tanned than Daniel. While he wastes away in London, I turn Mexican along the shores of Cape Town

2- His name is Daniel, mine is Sean. Sean is WAY cooler, so I win.

3- I am still referred to as "Barron" "Enigma" or "Prodigy" He is just the guy that in real life never fucked Emma Watson(Hermione in the Pothead series)

4-I'm not featured on gay websites(Once again, no offence, but Jessica Biels bum is my thing)

5- I am a member of Kelvin Grove. Where is your little membership card, DANIEL?

6- I don't have to live with the fact that I nearly got to come right with Emma Watson. Instead, with me there was no chance, and therefore no broken heart at not pulling her.

7- I am just me, so on that alone I win

8-Look at the photo of me below. A sullen look on my face, pondering the future. On that photo alone I WIN DANIEL!

There you have it

Sean: 8
Daniel:0

Sean wins by knockout

Ahhh...good times

Shit, yesterday was just excessive. I woke at 4am so I could leave my house at 5am to be in Camps Bay by 5:30 am. So I was not even thinking of there being traffic, naturally. Until I got to the bottom of Kloof Nek and actually got stuck in traffic. This was at about 5:20am. There was some stupid run on and there were hideous people in those running shorts I hate with those vests I despise. Anyway, realising who I was they moved the FUCK out the way to let me get through and do my work.

So I was driving past Caprice in Camps Bay and for once there were no pretentious people there. Probably because there were no people there. Then I noticed two cars, evidently trying to copy the very Beast I drive. Two Formula 1 style cars were parked outside Caprice so I took some photos. Funny enough while my cameras flash was going off I did not wake the security guard. Bizarre.

I got a nice photo of the F1 style car, and I managed to get the VR3 captured in the background. Or silhouetted should I say. Anyway, I had no time to waste looking at these amateur cars as the VR3 was idling, and it hates sitting for too long. That car was meant for fast speeds, crazy drugs and loads of women shoved in the boot.



So off I went and took some more photos. Camps Bay and Bakoven are cool and all that, but fuck me they are disgusting in the morning. Every parking lot along the ocean has cars parked there that are shaking while some rich businessman shags some filthy hooker in his Merc. You sick fuckers. Get a real life.



Anyway I cycled from Camps Bay area to Noordhoek with Mike, which was not so clever because I think we forgot we had to cycle back. Then there was some pimp on Noordhoek beach just riding his horse. CAN YOU IMAGINE how much action he must get? Imagine saying that you took your horse for a gallop along the beach while your silky smooth locks flowed in the wind? Imagine adding to this that your butler, Jones, was waiting for you at home with some fresh pineapple juice and one hell of a breakfast? Add in that you are not Sir or Mr, but rather a “Barron” and you are sorted with the women. Forever. What a life, what a life.

Yeah, that was good times on Sunday. Good times. Then we went through to the Pink Palace of Porn yesterday in Blaauwberg(Do you spell it like that?) and had a braai, where I took a photo of the mountain, glorious.

Oh yes, we did do all of that in one day. Remarkable.

Does Jamie Foxx sport a passion gap?

I have been wondering this for a while, but never ever wrote on it. Looking at Jamie Foxx on the TV, it seriously looks like his two front teeth are fake. Almost like in Delft and the Cape Flats where your teeth are hammered out(Or po*%ed out as they say)

Seriously though, it it possible that he smoked pole before becoming a famous actor? I know when I drive down Claremont Main Road, that all those crack whores have passion gaps. It's good for business. Most of those birds on Main Road are not women, but rather men. I saw one "Chick" with arms bigger than Hulk Hogans. She will FUCK you up. Never mind a pimp, she will end you if you don't pay her her 50 cents or whatever she charges for a full house.

I think Jamie, who says he is, the these days trendy "African American"(Since when are you African when you have never set foot in the land? My mom is Dutch and I don't go running around smoking pot at coffee shops and saying I am a distant relative of Goldmember) could rather be "Delft-American"

Sometimes you can just see when people have false teeth. Like that secretary in the American version of The Office now airing in SA, it looks like she has some falsies.

All the better to make the boss happy with...

The lady in my head

Kind of sounds like the lady in red

I was just listening to Chris DeBurghs Lady In Red (Just connecting with the Barry White inside of me. Or possibly the Barry Gibb. Maybe Marvin Gaye? Prince even?) when it occurred to me that his daughter is a belter. I have much knowledge inside my head and it comes out at the most random of times. Like right now for instance. I remember his daughter winning something. So I Googled her(That's now why she has a lazy eye) and found out that she won Miss World in 2003. Well that's the year I found on some random website. It could be 2004, but I don't really care.

She is fantastic though, Chris is definitely living the life. He sings romantic songs, after which he shags every lady in Ireland(Just made that up but it's probably true) and then goes on to have a very nice looking daughter.

Life must suck for Chris.

But Rosanna is fantastic, very easy on the eye, probably a bit of a rabid cheetah in bed and most notably. FUCKING RICH.

Pretty much all you could ever want in a woman.

Now get back to washing those dishes, Rosanna...(Once again a very unfunny, sexist joke. Why do I do this the whole time? Because I can)

Joost and Amor fuck YOU..again

After deciding to smash Sobhar last night...Wait...rewind.

I went to Kelvin Grove last night to go kick it old school with the crooners. How embarrassing then that in a place where the average age is about 50, I knew some people. Terrible. Then after Kelvin a move was made to Sobhar, where the party was not happening at all. Seriously there were not even enough people for a pants party. Fuck that.

So we still stayed there until 2am, just because we could. Then it was decided that some people wanted to go smoke those funny bushes that grow behind the church. I passed, rather favouring to send my tanned body to Tin Roof, where I could hook up with 16 year old school girls at the click of a finger.

It was terrible there, a couple of chicks who were not worthy of writing home about and then I actually bumped into some people I knew. Yes, I do know people. Oddly enough.

I actually only saw two people I knew though, not nearly enough to warrant a good old fashioned sex party(I'm kind of losing it right about now, you don't need to read on)

Then I woke up this morning to find the YOU magazine placed in my basin. I'm quite used to waking up in a bucketful of cocaine, with a broken tree stump next to me and a bottle of Aloe hand lotion on my chest, but seeing a YOU magazine in my basin is just weird, fucking weird. I opened it up and guess who is in it.

Yes I know you know.

Joost and Amor.

They were in it this time because it was their son's birthday. Woo-frikkity-hoo. They must be sleeping with someone at YOU, because they get at least a full page spread for anything they do. I swear Joost had a photo shoot taken for the launch of his fucking new car registration plates. They pretty much whore themselves to that magazine. Ahhh... the life a so called South African “celebrity”. Fuck all to celebrate about any of them to be honest.

Just look at their family. A picture of bliss. Only because they are thinking “Fuck yeah, we robbing YOU blind! R20000 for that shoot, going to rob that bitch next month again!”

And I'm totally and utterly spent, I have now officially spent too much time writing about Joost and Amor.

By the way if you are wondering which song I'm listening to as I write this, it's Aerosmith.

Aerosmith's "I don't want to miss a thing"

What an emotional song.

Brings a tear to my eye everytime.

No I lie, I'm actually wailing in tears now.

My little excursion to Dis-Chem

I make many trips around the land to pick up bits and pieces. I have just got back from the Dis Chem Pharmacy in Canal Walk, where I went to buy some roofies so that I can come right tonight(Once again Sean...NOT a funny joke...so don't laugh anyone...knew you wouldn't anyway)

Anyway I walk past the supplement section where the two biggest numb skulls ever were standing. You have to go and see this for yourself, it's fucking funny. There were two incredibly ripped mother fuckers, wearing T-Shirts with USN and all that other crap on them. They were just standing there, in silence, watching the TV where there was a weight lifting video on. They were watching a guy do arm curls. Oh my fuck that is exciting!

NOT!

These guys may be really big, people may be really impressed by their muscle, but sweet Jesus they are stupid people. That is the epitome of stupid. Imagine being turned on by weights. Even better than these two guys, I was paging through Arnold Schwarzeneggers book a while back and he says that when lifting weights it felt like he was coming! Ha! That is ludicrous! So next time you walk past a big guy lifting weights in gym, just know that he is coming. Fuck that's disgusting, I cant believe I write such filth. It's quite amusing though.

Anyway, back to these pharmacy guys:Two grown men watching another grown man lift a weight with his arm. Absolutely mind boggling. You must go there to experience it, it's so funny in real life I bet you will piss your pants, I nearly did!

Shit, what a day, what a day.

Good times.

This goes nicely with the house

While we are going completely off our heads, and this is also from Forbes(Shit I love that site), we have a nice little boat to row across the ocean.

This is the exact wording from the site:

For Adventurers

The boat: Absinthe

The itinerary: Alaska

The damage: $168,000/week

With just eight cabins but a crew of 19, including two chefs who will cook your freshly-caught fish or crab, Absinthe offers the ultimate in pampered adventure. There's an on-board helicopter for land excursions and a lavish sky lounge with big windows and sleek wood paneling. Each stateroom has its own flat-screen television and Internet access.

Good fucking grief! It's got it's own helicopter! I want to sleep with that boat. You read right. I don't want to sleep in it, I want to sleep with it. At over R1 million a week, it's a small price to pay for getting as much ass as you can fit on the boat. Glorious. It's also aptly named Absinthe, the drink that fucks you up. And I guarantee, after going on this boat, you will be all fucked up.

Nice student digs

I was just browsing the Forbes website wondering what to buy, what not to buy, what to hold, what to sell and so on and so forth. Then I came across a house. An expensive house. A fucking expensive house. I was shocked when I saw a house near Clifton that sold for R30-something-million. Try checking this house out for $155 million. That's like R1 billion rand for a house. That's excessive.

Paste this into your browser and stare in awe. When you get to the page just remember to press the pause button on the slide show otherwise it shows a new photo of the house at a rapid rate and is fucking irritating.

http://www.forbes.com/2007/01/24/most-expensive-home-forbeslife-cx_kd_0125blixseth_slide.html?partner=stab3

That is silly

This is copied straight from Yahoo news:

PEQUANNOCK, N.J. - Some teenagers who drink over the weekend could be in big trouble come Monday morning: A New Jersey school district plans to institute random urine tests capable of detecting whether alcohol was consumed up to 80 hours earlier.
ADVERTISEMENT

Pequannock Township High, with about 800 students, said it will begin administering the tests next Monday.

That is just being stupid. What is the point of doing a test that will pick up booze up to three days later, when the student is sober? Let the kids get fucked up on a Friday night, it's what everyone else has done through the ages and we turned out alright(Well, nearly) Can you imagine getting in trouble at school on a Monday for getting wasted on Friday night? My whole school would have been suspended. This is a stupid rule that makes no sense to anyone.

That also means you can't have a little tipple at school like my friend Mike used to do. Occasionally he would drink this chinese beer as teachers were walking past because it looked like cooldrink. What. A. Legend.

Let them fuck a bottle of Jack up on the weekend if they want to.

This is ridiculous

If this comes to S.A schools our education system will crash entirely

SLXS needs drug rehab

Has anybody been noticing that the ad's on this site are all about drug rehab? God, it's totally whack. Am I that bad? What's wrong with the odd bit of Tik out of my parents front door's light bulb?

ARE DRUGS A CRIME?!!!

Somebody, please tell me if they are, because then I'm sorry.

Cocaine is one hell of a drug, but does it warrant every ad on my site being about crack and whores and crystal meth and waking up naked next to a dead deer only to find a cricket bat that has been broken in half lying on your stomach while a midget in a gimp suit tickles your toes with a feather while wearing a mink coat?

Shit I'm emotional today

Bobbie Thomas

While I was watching E! Entertainment now, Bobbie Thomas, senior editor of In Style Weekly came on and blew my mind. I have seen her before but never gave her a mention.

She is a goddess walking amongst us mere mortals. Honestly, she is so smoking hot I'm finding it hard to type. Not many people know of her because she does not whore herself like the other celebrities do.

Now the photo above is a perfect example of her fineness. If I just had to Photoshop fuckhead next to her out of the picture, it would go nicely into the wank bank(Jokes! Or was that a joke...bizarre)

So I just thought that I should let you all know of Bobbie Thomas. She is way under rated, seems pretty cool and if you make her popular enough we will see in her Playboy anytime soon. Nice!

Bobbie, you're a goddess.

I love you

I want to marry you

I will pay your bills

Sorry I'm getting WAY too emotional here, I need to go now