It's Friday, I'm alone, where is that bird that eye fucked me two weeks ago at Sobhar?

That's not true, but there were a couple of hotties there.

I was clearly a fucking silly boy when I entered this whole Argus Cycle Tour thing. I'm pretty fit from mountain biking but I don't have a road bike and so I decided right now, Friday night, to put my slick tyres on. Bit late, Bob. They have been sitting in the garage for about three years and are now hard and perishing, and I don't have tubes that fit. Add to this the fact that my largest gear does not work, and I feel I am about to be steam rolled by Vernon "The pain train" Davis from the San Francisco 49'ers. Or just Terry Tate, office fucking linebacker.

So being all respectable I turned down a ho down tonight, in favour of chilling at home. Bad idea. I slept on the couch the whole afternoon and now I'm awake, fucking bored, and ready to put the vibe out. I'm ready to go, with nowhere to go. Fuck.

Someone call me, invite me somewhere. Gisele? Heidi? Sienna? Jessica?

So anyway, I was thinking back to a gem of a conversation I had with the slacker crew yesterday on the beach(Where, by the way, I saw the TBG from 2oceansvibe. Mind boggling) where somehow someone brought up this old thing about Prince Charles. I think we were talking about munters and I mentioned that every time Charles and Horse Chestnut,err I mean Camilla, go to a function where there is a 21 gun salute, she gets nervous, bolts and jumps over a fence.

Then someone brought up the 1993 scandal where Charles said he wanted to be reincarnated as HER TAMPON! Somehow someone intercepted a phone call where he said this. And it's true.

Take a moment to vomit up all the food you have eaten today.

Mmmm carrots

To say my stomach has knotted up is an understatement. It's fucking turning like a lathe.

I would not even, for one moment, or for lots of money, consider kissing her. Not even a peck on the cheek. Because for that I will have to brush my finely chiseled cheekbones on her 'tache. She has a slight muzzie, you have to admit. Not quite a handlebar, but it's there. Now to be a tampon, inside of her, good fuck I'm ashamed this is on my page.

I doubt most people would even consider boning her with Mick Jaggers cock.

This article has turned into full scale, A-grade smut.

To find out more about this story, there are bits and pieces on the web. Type in things like "Prince Charles tampon scandal" into Google, and watch as food magically evacuates your stomach and spreads itself onto your nice shiny new Apple Macbook Pro.

Good night

And good luck

Hey, that could make for a very intriguing name for a movie. I'd probably put someone like...oh let's say...George Clooney in it? Sounds good to me.

UPDATE: Contrary to what I believe is popular belief, I have never had a wood for Camilla.

And I never will

Now stop accusing me