I'm intrigued

Intriguing

I'm intrigued by many things and excited by others. I'm excited for my copy of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S Thompson to arrive. It's going to be sick. But other things that intrigue me are these things with lots of writing in them, one of which is called the Cape Argus.

Just a little story on how I bought my Cape Argus last night. I went through to the petrol station at about 10pm last night to buy a pack of Endearmints, those soft chewy ones that get me all happy in pants. While I was there I obviously thought it fit to stock up on “Gladiator” condoms, made by God knows who. Just in case my friends ex decides to knock on my door again at 3am. Crazy bitch.

So anyway, I buy all this shit and while I was on my way home, I got stuck behind an ADT car at the robots. Anyway, the robots went green and this ADT dude took off very slowly around the corner. Then he virtually came to a standstill and hooted. I thought he must be on an early evening Tik binge. Then he put his arm out the window and waved me past. I thought “Shit, what a nice man” So I put my foot down and shunted past him at a rate of knots. Then I flashed my hazard lights to say “Thanks buster” At this point I realised that I am a complete fuck up, because the guy was actually making such a fuss because I had not turned my lights on. Gosh. Idiot!

So I got home, ate half a pack of those mints, which is probably why I had such cotton mouth this morning, and then read the paper. Actually my friend Mike came round to drop off a birthday present and we had a good laugh about those “Bentley belts” that kids used to use to stay afloat in the pool. I actually have a fucking funny article to write on that.

In the paper I was quite intrigued by this Coldplay thing at the moment. Apparently the tree huggers are working on a song that is “genius” and we have to hear it “before we die” This is actually the cleverest piece of marketing I have ever heard of. When you release an album and make this sort of statement, people are going to want to buy it, because it's a piece of history. I don't recall Bono ever saying this about any one of his songs. All I hear from him is mutterings about AIDS in Africa and occasionally he sings us a little song in between his fucking whining. As one of the Gallagher brothers said “Shut the fuck up”

Seriously though, I can't wait to hear this song now. It's keeping me awake at night. Granted, I will never buy the album, but hopefully my friend Lex will download it then I can steal it from him and put it straight onto my iPod. Great.

Another story that is fucked is the one about the rapist in Hermanus. I won't go into too much detail because stories like this with rape, crime and shit don't really do it for me. Apparently the chick who caught the rapist just got him plastered when he broke into her house. First she offered him food then he said he wanted wine. So she poured him three mugs of papsak. If you don't know what papsak is, it's box wine. Basically you p*#s the papsak in about an hour, then when you are ready to pass out, you blow the sak up and use it as a pillow. Quite an ingenius design really. And you can then use the box to throw over your birds head, if she is a bit of a munter. It should actually win a design award somewhere in the world.

Then in the article is says

“Back at the house, the nephew pounced on Mowers(The rapist).

He fought back and Mentou (The wine giving chick) leapt on him too-pinning him down with her considerable frame. They called the police and waited”

CONSIDERABLE

FRAME

HA! Nice one, Cape Argus, considerable frame as in overweight! This is crazy. Even more crazy is the story. Who the fuck breaks into a house, falls into the trap of getting hammered, and then passes out. Seriously, I want to believe this story, but it sounds too simple to be true. I don't have an explanation for how it could really have happened but I bet it's far from what this story is.

This is one for MythBusters. Or just drunken tik fuelled stories that you will tell your kids one day around the fire while you do mescallin and sniff glue and shit.