As you know I am low(Actually out) of internet, and this is costing me a fortune.
Anyway it's nearly the new month kids, and we will soon be upgrading to real websites and ADSL and all that other crap. Just give me time. I am working on it.
So I went to Ignite on Saturday, it was average. Nothing to get too excited about. Springbok Nude Girls at Madame Zingara on Sunday were CRAZY! Arno knows how to rock out. He is living the dream.
Well I found these pics and the reason I show them to you is that I used to fly at about half mast for this chick. That was until I saw the "Fire crotch" pictures on X17. Not nice. Not nice at all. I won't even give you the link, I don't want you to share my pain.
Well these are the new ones. To think that she got me excited in jean pant. I realised my mistake when girls at Tiger started hitting on me and they were hotter than this. And more sober. And less fucked in the head. That's right, I don't hit on girls. I give my "Val Kilmer"(When he was young) stare and they suddenly must have me. True story.
Myself and Jerry were at Tiger last night just sending out the vibe. We could see all these naughty girls looking at us thinking "I wonder who they are? They must be really famous." Because the whole night we spoke to no one. We acted like we were not interested in anyone. Now those girls are thinking "I WANT to speak to those guys" We left them hanging last night wondering when they would see us again.
Fantastic.
They will dream of us the whole week. Next time we go there they will be all over us. A brilliant way of making people want you.
Anyway back to Sober Lohan
Check the alcoholic here
Fuck she looks horrendous! Imagine waking up next to that and she is lying on your arm. Thats when you start chewing your arm off and you run. You run far. Far, far away to a land of soberness where the kids play in the fields and Fridays are spent playing chess. Ok that is pushing it but you get the idea
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Spending their youth
WARNING! Semi-intelligent article ahead(I know, we are acting way out of character for this blog!)
I have written on this before, on the other blog, commenting on how today's youth are quite dumb. I feel the need to go in depth, as I study journalism, and need to practice this whole writing thing!
As always, before I start this piece, I must mention these facts:
I know, kids are always going to drink and be dumb in their teenage years. I say todays youth are dumb. But yesterdays youth were probably also dumb. Maybe I was dumb, but I don't recall being as brainless as the people I see out today.
I don't proclaim to be the most intelligent person on the planet, but I do have a sense of the world around me. I know things. You can speak to me about things and I will probably be able to hold a competent conversation. Not like the people I meet out.
"So what do you think about this whole kidnapping of Madelaine?" I say(This is not true, I never had this conversation, but it is a typical conversation you might have)
"Mada-who bru? No like, let's go smoke some spliff" Says fucking numb skull with a double methylated spirits and coke in his/her hand.
I have a base of friends who I feel I can rely on and we watch out for each other, always having each others best interests in mind. We can go to Forries and actually speak about various intelligent topics without the need to get fucked out of our minds. We can discuss business ideas, new ad campaigns, new trends in journalism, the move away from traditional media to online media, global warming, future worldwide trends and so on and so forth. We can speak about gaps in various markets and we think of ways to fill those gaps. And we are not proclaiming to be saviours of the world, we are just trying to do something. We are trying to find ways to actually contribute to society, and maybe make a bit of money along the way, but most of all just have some good fun, without the need to be high on every pharmaceutical on the planet.
Not to mock people who study, and have jobs as pizza delivery people or whatever. I realise people have to make money, and I'm fine with that. You do get people working at restaurants to pay off their studies, and I know people like that. But they have a goal in mind, and that's fantastic. But you get those people who are just studying to pass the time, and when they eventually finish their studies they will just try get any job they can. They will then just work that job, getting promoted every now and then, and generally leading a dull existence. Until then they just cruise along in their studies, work as waiters, drink and smoke. Cool. You are quite exciting and interesting. The problem with these people is that they go out at night thinking they run the city they live in. Tycoons by night, broke stoned students by day.
It would be easy for me to smoke weed every day. I can do that. I have access to that. Do I want that? No. What is going to happen to all these people when they finish their studies? They are going to say "I'm leaving South Africa, there are no opportunities here. I'm going to go overseas and coin it" Go ahead buddy.
Leaving South Africa is just another excuse to slum it, because overseas no one nows who you are. You can go create a false identity over there. Why not focus some of your limited mind on South Africa and do something? I promise you, there are plenty of things to do over here. Between myself and a friend, we can come up with plenty ideas in two hours at Forries. And we do.
"No but I'm white and I'm male, I will never make it here, everything is against me"
If that's your opinion, then please do leave. I will close the door ever so gently behind you. Then while you go pour pints in London, and smoke pot in Jamaica, I will start building a little empire over here. Then one day when you decide to come back, you can work for me. Actually that's brilliant. I won't have to pay you too much because you don't have much to offer me. I win.
I did grow up with an older brother and sister, and so knowing people older than me has maybe taught me some things I would not learn if I just grew up alone.
But I just feel that today's youth are pretty stupid. If I was thirty, maybe this article would have no substance, as I would obviously have way more life experience that an 18 year old. But I'm only four years older than these 18 year olds.
The reason for writing this article was our trip to Chrome last night, where I don't think I could have held a conversation with anyone.
I spent a good deal of time, once again, occupied by my own thoughts. Even at Tiger on Tuesday night, we had a cool time, but when I spoke to Jerry D later on that evening the first thing he said was , and this is pretty much word for word "Oh my fuck those people are stupid, I couldn't talk to them"
It's like talking to a black hole, where you try keep a conversation, but it just keeps on getting sucked up. When you are finished talking, it's as though you never said anything. Then the people you are talking to go "Let's go get more shooters"
And honestly, when I walk into a place, and you know me, and I say hello, don't look at me like I have just committed a murder spree. You are not that cool that you can treat me like this. No one is that cool. Not even Dan Carter is that cool(Okay...maybe he is). But in your mind you are ice cool, you are it. Seriously though, you can say hello. I don't care if you are with all your image friends. You are a mogul by night, but what are you by day? Exactly. Now smile and say hello to me, it's the least you can do. What did I ever do wrong? Nothing. Just because you have your crew around you does not mean that you are above me. Who are you anyway? An upgrade of the human species that I belong to? Am I version 1 and you are version 5? Am I Microsoft Windows '95 and you are Vista? Because that's the way you act. Like you are on a different level to me.
I have actually gotten to the point, where even if a girl is seriously hot, but fucking dumb, I just can't be interested in her. It's crazy! I feel so bad about it(Or do I?)! It's odd, you see a girl, hot, start speaking to her and then you are like "Well good grief, please keep walking. Come back when you have filled your brain with at least two intelligent sentences"
Some people even argue though, in these brainless peoples defense "Oh but I'm sure they are nice people"
Well yes, but lot's of things are NICE.
Tea and scones on a Sunday after Church are NICE
Cucumber sandwiches at the Sunday cricket are NICE.
Ducks waddling in the water at the local park are NICE
I'm off the hook at the moment. Somebody stop me!
Come on people, let's at least try act intelligent? Please? Anyone? Ok it's cool because I have intelligent people I can talk to, but we can't possibly be the only ones. We are not an elite group like that. It's not possible.
But I'm starting to think it is.
I have written on this before, on the other blog, commenting on how today's youth are quite dumb. I feel the need to go in depth, as I study journalism, and need to practice this whole writing thing!
As always, before I start this piece, I must mention these facts:
I know, kids are always going to drink and be dumb in their teenage years. I say todays youth are dumb. But yesterdays youth were probably also dumb. Maybe I was dumb, but I don't recall being as brainless as the people I see out today.
I don't proclaim to be the most intelligent person on the planet, but I do have a sense of the world around me. I know things. You can speak to me about things and I will probably be able to hold a competent conversation. Not like the people I meet out.
"So what do you think about this whole kidnapping of Madelaine?" I say(This is not true, I never had this conversation, but it is a typical conversation you might have)
"Mada-who bru? No like, let's go smoke some spliff" Says fucking numb skull with a double methylated spirits and coke in his/her hand.
I have a base of friends who I feel I can rely on and we watch out for each other, always having each others best interests in mind. We can go to Forries and actually speak about various intelligent topics without the need to get fucked out of our minds. We can discuss business ideas, new ad campaigns, new trends in journalism, the move away from traditional media to online media, global warming, future worldwide trends and so on and so forth. We can speak about gaps in various markets and we think of ways to fill those gaps. And we are not proclaiming to be saviours of the world, we are just trying to do something. We are trying to find ways to actually contribute to society, and maybe make a bit of money along the way, but most of all just have some good fun, without the need to be high on every pharmaceutical on the planet.
Not to mock people who study, and have jobs as pizza delivery people or whatever. I realise people have to make money, and I'm fine with that. You do get people working at restaurants to pay off their studies, and I know people like that. But they have a goal in mind, and that's fantastic. But you get those people who are just studying to pass the time, and when they eventually finish their studies they will just try get any job they can. They will then just work that job, getting promoted every now and then, and generally leading a dull existence. Until then they just cruise along in their studies, work as waiters, drink and smoke. Cool. You are quite exciting and interesting. The problem with these people is that they go out at night thinking they run the city they live in. Tycoons by night, broke stoned students by day.
It would be easy for me to smoke weed every day. I can do that. I have access to that. Do I want that? No. What is going to happen to all these people when they finish their studies? They are going to say "I'm leaving South Africa, there are no opportunities here. I'm going to go overseas and coin it" Go ahead buddy.
Leaving South Africa is just another excuse to slum it, because overseas no one nows who you are. You can go create a false identity over there. Why not focus some of your limited mind on South Africa and do something? I promise you, there are plenty of things to do over here. Between myself and a friend, we can come up with plenty ideas in two hours at Forries. And we do.
"No but I'm white and I'm male, I will never make it here, everything is against me"
If that's your opinion, then please do leave. I will close the door ever so gently behind you. Then while you go pour pints in London, and smoke pot in Jamaica, I will start building a little empire over here. Then one day when you decide to come back, you can work for me. Actually that's brilliant. I won't have to pay you too much because you don't have much to offer me. I win.
I did grow up with an older brother and sister, and so knowing people older than me has maybe taught me some things I would not learn if I just grew up alone.
But I just feel that today's youth are pretty stupid. If I was thirty, maybe this article would have no substance, as I would obviously have way more life experience that an 18 year old. But I'm only four years older than these 18 year olds.
The reason for writing this article was our trip to Chrome last night, where I don't think I could have held a conversation with anyone.
I spent a good deal of time, once again, occupied by my own thoughts. Even at Tiger on Tuesday night, we had a cool time, but when I spoke to Jerry D later on that evening the first thing he said was , and this is pretty much word for word "Oh my fuck those people are stupid, I couldn't talk to them"
It's like talking to a black hole, where you try keep a conversation, but it just keeps on getting sucked up. When you are finished talking, it's as though you never said anything. Then the people you are talking to go "Let's go get more shooters"
And honestly, when I walk into a place, and you know me, and I say hello, don't look at me like I have just committed a murder spree. You are not that cool that you can treat me like this. No one is that cool. Not even Dan Carter is that cool(Okay...maybe he is). But in your mind you are ice cool, you are it. Seriously though, you can say hello. I don't care if you are with all your image friends. You are a mogul by night, but what are you by day? Exactly. Now smile and say hello to me, it's the least you can do. What did I ever do wrong? Nothing. Just because you have your crew around you does not mean that you are above me. Who are you anyway? An upgrade of the human species that I belong to? Am I version 1 and you are version 5? Am I Microsoft Windows '95 and you are Vista? Because that's the way you act. Like you are on a different level to me.
I have actually gotten to the point, where even if a girl is seriously hot, but fucking dumb, I just can't be interested in her. It's crazy! I feel so bad about it(Or do I?)! It's odd, you see a girl, hot, start speaking to her and then you are like "Well good grief, please keep walking. Come back when you have filled your brain with at least two intelligent sentences"
Some people even argue though, in these brainless peoples defense "Oh but I'm sure they are nice people"
Well yes, but lot's of things are NICE.
Tea and scones on a Sunday after Church are NICE
Cucumber sandwiches at the Sunday cricket are NICE.
Ducks waddling in the water at the local park are NICE
I'm off the hook at the moment. Somebody stop me!
Come on people, let's at least try act intelligent? Please? Anyone? Ok it's cool because I have intelligent people I can talk to, but we can't possibly be the only ones. We are not an elite group like that. It's not possible.
But I'm starting to think it is.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Out of megs
I won't lie, I have completely annihilated my internet this month, and find myself with about 20 megs until the end of the month so you would probably not expect much from me until next month.
I will say we are all over the clubs like a cheap suit right now. Not that you care. Anyway.
Last night we went to Tiger(Gasp...again) because they were promoting Hanza Marzen Gold. Naturally, we knew the promo girls, Ash and Dan, as we do. I don't recall paying for a drink the whole night. We each got a free drink on entrance, and then people who were not drinking theirs were passing them onto me. Naturally I was not worried about them slipping me a roofie because I am now immune to it.
The funny thing with this new Marzen Gold is that they are obviously targeting the Amstel crowd. However, as much as they try to differentiate their brand, everyone keeps saying "So it's basically like Amstel"
The first thing I noticed was that the bottles were remarkably similiar. It even has that annoying foil that Amstel bottles used to have. That gold foil that gets stuck in your teeth and makes you look like you are trying to bling it in Compton.
This must be a monumental ball ache for advertisers. Because the more they try tell us it's not trying to be Amstel, the more we say it is Amstel. The promo girls were specifically told not to mention anything about Amstel, which they did not. Good girls. They should have just said it was Amstel in the first place, and then us, the consumers would say "No it's Hansa Marzen Gold" You see how I use reverse psychology there?
"Fuck you are a genius" I hear you whispering to yourself
"I know, thank you" I reply by telepathetic methods.
If Amstel want to completely fuck the market up when they get back, they should do away with that foil. Because even if people dig Marzen Gold, they will choose Amstel purely to avoid the ball ache that the foil gives them. Amstel, you guys should employ me, I am a genius. Think about it boys.
Tonight we find ourselves bizarrely on the guest list for Chrome. I have no idea what is going on here, but we are going. I don't know the current situation so I will just go along and see what happens.
Saturday finds us being invited to the AAA School of Advertising party at Ignite in Camps Bay
Fantastic
Thanks BMP for organising that we make it to this event.
I don't know what this event holds for us, but APPARENTLY AAA is rife with females. Not that we are there for that.
Strictly business
Strictly business
I will say we are all over the clubs like a cheap suit right now. Not that you care. Anyway.
Last night we went to Tiger(Gasp...again) because they were promoting Hanza Marzen Gold. Naturally, we knew the promo girls, Ash and Dan, as we do. I don't recall paying for a drink the whole night. We each got a free drink on entrance, and then people who were not drinking theirs were passing them onto me. Naturally I was not worried about them slipping me a roofie because I am now immune to it.
The funny thing with this new Marzen Gold is that they are obviously targeting the Amstel crowd. However, as much as they try to differentiate their brand, everyone keeps saying "So it's basically like Amstel"
The first thing I noticed was that the bottles were remarkably similiar. It even has that annoying foil that Amstel bottles used to have. That gold foil that gets stuck in your teeth and makes you look like you are trying to bling it in Compton.
This must be a monumental ball ache for advertisers. Because the more they try tell us it's not trying to be Amstel, the more we say it is Amstel. The promo girls were specifically told not to mention anything about Amstel, which they did not. Good girls. They should have just said it was Amstel in the first place, and then us, the consumers would say "No it's Hansa Marzen Gold" You see how I use reverse psychology there?
"Fuck you are a genius" I hear you whispering to yourself
"I know, thank you" I reply by telepathetic methods.
If Amstel want to completely fuck the market up when they get back, they should do away with that foil. Because even if people dig Marzen Gold, they will choose Amstel purely to avoid the ball ache that the foil gives them. Amstel, you guys should employ me, I am a genius. Think about it boys.
Tonight we find ourselves bizarrely on the guest list for Chrome. I have no idea what is going on here, but we are going. I don't know the current situation so I will just go along and see what happens.
Saturday finds us being invited to the AAA School of Advertising party at Ignite in Camps Bay
Fantastic
Thanks BMP for organising that we make it to this event.
I don't know what this event holds for us, but APPARENTLY AAA is rife with females. Not that we are there for that.
Strictly business
Strictly business
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
The mystery unravels
As the hamster in my head starts walking again...on three legs.
Could "Dre" be "Andre"?
Of which we currently only know one.
Rondebosch maybe?
The lightbulb in my head is burning very dim, and my thinking cap is torn, but there is something there...
Could "Dre" be "Andre"?
Of which we currently only know one.
Rondebosch maybe?
The lightbulb in my head is burning very dim, and my thinking cap is torn, but there is something there...
Monday, May 21, 2007
Is he serious?
It's the 300th post! Crack the bubbly and the crack sandwiches! Someone please kiss me...now!
Due to the vast amount of clubbing we have been doing of late, we have a story. I must also mention, although you don't care at all, that Tiger is on for tomorrow, a party is on at the Hout Bay Pink Palace of Poon for Wednesday, and BMP has been my hero and organised some sort of AAA School of Advertising ticket for me, for a party they are having at Ignite on Saturday. Dirty AAA girls running wild, spending their youth like a $1 bill, short skirts, thumping music, nibbling my ear, wanting my vast writing talent, wanting the white picket fence, the dream, the Malibu house, the gimp...Getting carried away.
Well...so...
We were at Tiger last week and this little girl I was Saturday Night Fevering it like John Travolta with had momentarily taking her gaze off my Adonis like body. Taking the opportunity to see who else we could see on the dance floor, I noticed a girl, and I noticed her breasts as they were quite well formed.
Then I saw something that reminded me of a psycho. Someone, somewhere in the club, was pointing a lazer at her tits that said "I love(It was actually a heart) you" I looked to see where psycho, Harry potter wand waving, library geek, computer punisher was. But I could not see him.
I was thinking "Are you serious?" I mean who does this? Do you really think that this girl is going to fall madly in love with you when you use a move out of the "Paedophile Starter Pack- Set 1"? Who are you?
I mean I have probably(I say probably so as not to admit it) used the "So you come here often" line. In fact WE used the "It's cool I have a licence for these bad boys"(In reference to our guns) line on Thursday. She laughed. It actually worked. Unbelievable. It's so cheesy it has to work. I have given out plenty of tickets to the gun show, I'm sure others have in all seriousness looked at a girl and used my favourite:
"Hey you know of a good vet?"
"Why?" The little minxy fox replies
"Cos these puppies are sick!"
It's dumb, but at least the girl knows you are being dumb. Pointing a lazer at a girl is bordering on stalker/freakshow/kiddie fiddler.
More often than not it's my fame that people are attracted to. Most people recognise me from Fight Club and I'm totally cool with that. So are they.
It's all fair game
Seriously though, never EVER use that lazer pointer again.
What planet are you from?
Zion?
Due to the vast amount of clubbing we have been doing of late, we have a story. I must also mention, although you don't care at all, that Tiger is on for tomorrow, a party is on at the Hout Bay Pink Palace of Poon for Wednesday, and BMP has been my hero and organised some sort of AAA School of Advertising ticket for me, for a party they are having at Ignite on Saturday. Dirty AAA girls running wild, spending their youth like a $1 bill, short skirts, thumping music, nibbling my ear, wanting my vast writing talent, wanting the white picket fence, the dream, the Malibu house, the gimp...Getting carried away.
Well...so...
We were at Tiger last week and this little girl I was Saturday Night Fevering it like John Travolta with had momentarily taking her gaze off my Adonis like body. Taking the opportunity to see who else we could see on the dance floor, I noticed a girl, and I noticed her breasts as they were quite well formed.
Then I saw something that reminded me of a psycho. Someone, somewhere in the club, was pointing a lazer at her tits that said "I love(It was actually a heart) you" I looked to see where psycho, Harry potter wand waving, library geek, computer punisher was. But I could not see him.
I was thinking "Are you serious?" I mean who does this? Do you really think that this girl is going to fall madly in love with you when you use a move out of the "Paedophile Starter Pack- Set 1"? Who are you?
I mean I have probably(I say probably so as not to admit it) used the "So you come here often" line. In fact WE used the "It's cool I have a licence for these bad boys"(In reference to our guns) line on Thursday. She laughed. It actually worked. Unbelievable. It's so cheesy it has to work. I have given out plenty of tickets to the gun show, I'm sure others have in all seriousness looked at a girl and used my favourite:
"Hey you know of a good vet?"
"Why?" The little minxy fox replies
"Cos these puppies are sick!"
It's dumb, but at least the girl knows you are being dumb. Pointing a lazer at a girl is bordering on stalker/freakshow/kiddie fiddler.
More often than not it's my fame that people are attracted to. Most people recognise me from Fight Club and I'm totally cool with that. So are they.
It's all fair game
Seriously though, never EVER use that lazer pointer again.
What planet are you from?
Zion?
Colin Moss-1000 mile stare on the rails
Please note, the next post will be our 300th.
300 posts of absolute rubbish, great.
I also say "celebs" because I can't say I really celebrate them.
Anyway back to this one. I think when I need to write something intelligent that I can. However, I just never think of writing anything intelligent. I just decided to though and came up with this topic in a few seconds. I am a genius.
I took the Colin Moss angle here because we used to see Colin all over the place. It was Fear Factor, then Idols, and at those times he was doing alright. He was OK. He then decided that he needed to cash in on his fame and punish the industry and get as much money out of it as he could. Look, I'm not writing this from the right point of view because I don't know what he is doing now, but we just never see him around anymore. I think he stuffed it up when he decided that he needed to become an actor. Some things should just never be attempted. I'm not going to try be a hero and attempt to make the SA rugby team. And so Colin should stay out of acting.
I never watched that muck movie he made, "Number 10", nor do I ever intend watching it. It's not my thing. I want to watch real actors. Colin was not cut from the same piece of cloth as Leonardo Di Caprio, and he should not pretend he was.
I think he completely lost his marbles when after training for Number 10, and chicks saying what good shape he was in, he decided to be a USN poster boy. No. Wrong career move son. I still remember his ad. He was chilling there, after just finishing boxing or something, with a bottle of USN EnerG and the line "Finally, a real sports drink"
If I want to know what a real sports drink is, I want to be hearing it from Ryk "The Bus" Neethling. Or Roland. Or Michael Phelps. Not Colin Moss, actor, MC, model, presenter, comedian etc etc.
It worries me when people try and be everything. Colin should stick to one career. He is a jack of all trades and a master of none. I have never heard his comedy but apparently it is particularly dismal.
Colin, to get your career back on track, stick to the TV thing. You were sometimes cheesy on Idols, but it was alright, we forgive you. Give up acting, comedy shows and whatever else you find yourself in. Advertise brands that you believe in and use.
Come now son, we know you can do it.
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Lightning crashes
It's not really crashing now, but my iPod is throwing out "Lightning Crashes" by Live and the synergy between myself and the earth is quite spectacular right now. I wish you could experience it. I know weather is not really an interesting thing to talk about and I will often find myself at a club, chatting to some stunner who is clearly four leagues above me and I will say "So crazy weather hey?" I immediately know, at the pathetic utterance of that line that I must cut my losses, and go find someone else. Someone just in the league of a normal human, and not a supermodel. It's like Paul Adams continually thinking that he is actually a cricketer, and that he is actually going to make more than water boy. For me I know when I have hit rock bottom and know when to get the hell out of there.
Anyway back to the weather. We decided that Forries would be the ticket for watching the rugby on Saturday and I knew it was going to be full but I reasoned that the amount of talent mingling would more than make up for it. I was wrong. There was plenty of talent, but there was also plenty of sweaty man pits walking past me, brushing my finely tuned body. I could not cope with this. Then I removed my long top as the pizza oven was belting out the degrees of heat like a crack house. It was getting to the point where I was bucketing down in sweat. Kieran was sweating like a coke whore(Kieran is a coke whore) Alain was just looking around confused as to all the heat, little bums and what the fuck were we doing here?
After much discussion we decided to head to the Pink Palace of Poon in Hout Bay. Well the windy road to Hout Bay was like a war zone. There was an entire oak tree in the road at one point. The emergency teams were working their tit's off. At one point at the bottom of a hill there was one emergency worker, up to his knees in water, plunging a stormwater drain. Honestly, it looked like he was plunging a shower drain or something. Someone give the man a raise, I was freezing enough as it was in the VR3.
We ended up at the Hout Bay place until about 12pm, it was mad. We smashed a bottle of bubbly, and mildly pissed I started shivering. I decided against using the "body heat" method used when you are out in the woods and half dying. It was after all only three of us guys. I'm sure if Adriana, Gisele and Heidi were there the body heat method would have worked a charm.
The Pink Palace of Poon finds itself situated right near the World of Birds, so we had a nice high vantage point to look over the ocean. We saw the lightning and it was awesome. We drank bubbles. The drive home was a nightmare though. I am not joking, I was driving as slow as I could, with my brights on and there were times when I was going on intuition as to where the road was. I am surprised I did not crash, because there are no glow in the dark road marking and not many cats eyes to guide you. I relied on my Spidey sense, which is handy. Kieran drove behind me in the Hawk.
Did I tell you for winter we have decided to give out car's animal names? The VR3 will always be the VR3 but for this weather is is The Polar Bear. Because it's the only mean beast that will tackle the Hout Bay road, at 12pm, during a storm, and survive.
You might be asking "Where was wingman BMP?"
BMP had a horrific accident involving a wheat cutting tool being used incorrectly in the woods. Silly boy. He is out for at least the next week of stories.
Get well soon son.
Yeah so Cape Town really is getting the weather at the moment. I just watched The Inside Man and did not concentrate at all and now have no clue what the movie was about. Now I'm browsing the internet and wondering who I am.
Oh check out my other blog in the links for something on The Springbok Nude Girls if you have not read it already. It will change your life.
I love all of you
Anyway back to the weather. We decided that Forries would be the ticket for watching the rugby on Saturday and I knew it was going to be full but I reasoned that the amount of talent mingling would more than make up for it. I was wrong. There was plenty of talent, but there was also plenty of sweaty man pits walking past me, brushing my finely tuned body. I could not cope with this. Then I removed my long top as the pizza oven was belting out the degrees of heat like a crack house. It was getting to the point where I was bucketing down in sweat. Kieran was sweating like a coke whore(Kieran is a coke whore) Alain was just looking around confused as to all the heat, little bums and what the fuck were we doing here?
After much discussion we decided to head to the Pink Palace of Poon in Hout Bay. Well the windy road to Hout Bay was like a war zone. There was an entire oak tree in the road at one point. The emergency teams were working their tit's off. At one point at the bottom of a hill there was one emergency worker, up to his knees in water, plunging a stormwater drain. Honestly, it looked like he was plunging a shower drain or something. Someone give the man a raise, I was freezing enough as it was in the VR3.
We ended up at the Hout Bay place until about 12pm, it was mad. We smashed a bottle of bubbly, and mildly pissed I started shivering. I decided against using the "body heat" method used when you are out in the woods and half dying. It was after all only three of us guys. I'm sure if Adriana, Gisele and Heidi were there the body heat method would have worked a charm.
The Pink Palace of Poon finds itself situated right near the World of Birds, so we had a nice high vantage point to look over the ocean. We saw the lightning and it was awesome. We drank bubbles. The drive home was a nightmare though. I am not joking, I was driving as slow as I could, with my brights on and there were times when I was going on intuition as to where the road was. I am surprised I did not crash, because there are no glow in the dark road marking and not many cats eyes to guide you. I relied on my Spidey sense, which is handy. Kieran drove behind me in the Hawk.
Did I tell you for winter we have decided to give out car's animal names? The VR3 will always be the VR3 but for this weather is is The Polar Bear. Because it's the only mean beast that will tackle the Hout Bay road, at 12pm, during a storm, and survive.
You might be asking "Where was wingman BMP?"
BMP had a horrific accident involving a wheat cutting tool being used incorrectly in the woods. Silly boy. He is out for at least the next week of stories.
Get well soon son.
Yeah so Cape Town really is getting the weather at the moment. I just watched The Inside Man and did not concentrate at all and now have no clue what the movie was about. Now I'm browsing the internet and wondering who I am.
Oh check out my other blog in the links for something on The Springbok Nude Girls if you have not read it already. It will change your life.
I love all of you
Saturday, May 19, 2007
New link
I added a new link to Adii, a web designer who does a lot of Wordpress work and I find his site quite interesting. It's actually quite intelligent work on there, so if you are tired of reading the muck that I write, click the link and check it out.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Was I born in a gutter?
I was just looking over some of the ludicrous language I used in the last few posts on the other blog. It's gutter language! Did my parents raise me in a barn, I hear you ask? Did they raise me in a gutter? Because fuck the language is terrible. I often find this is what I do when I write. I just swear. I don't know why. Deep down I think I am insecure. Deep down I'm that kid sitting in the library, by himself, enjoying himself. Enjoying his own company, because he is happy in his own mind. Sometimes I think the swearing will make me a cool kid. I don't know what my parents would think of this language. I must be honest maybe I got the habit from my parents. I don't recall them ever swearing though. I never hear them swear. It's quite odd really. Maybe I did not pick it up from them then.
I must have picked it up from my semi-delinquent friends. Maybe it's the language picked up from long hours spent bronzing my sculpted rock solid Greek God body in the sun at the Church yard, eating cucumber and crack sandwiches and smoking crystal meth. I think that is the reason.
But I would not trade that language for anything.
For that would mean the end of those great days spent in the Church yard, getting high, feeling the nice grainy texture of crack cocaine on my palette...the smell of fresh tik...the daisies growing in the yard...the crack whores coming to steal our drugs...the smell of success.
No, I would not trade that feeling for the world.
I must have picked it up from my semi-delinquent friends. Maybe it's the language picked up from long hours spent bronzing my sculpted rock solid Greek God body in the sun at the Church yard, eating cucumber and crack sandwiches and smoking crystal meth. I think that is the reason.
But I would not trade that language for anything.
For that would mean the end of those great days spent in the Church yard, getting high, feeling the nice grainy texture of crack cocaine on my palette...the smell of fresh tik...the daisies growing in the yard...the crack whores coming to steal our drugs...the smell of success.
No, I would not trade that feeling for the world.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Vinny Lingham is a modern day rock star
Please go to THIS LINK and then scroll down to a comment left by Vinny Lingham. Vinny you are my hero. Who are you sleeping with, Paris Hilton? Because that's how cool I think you are.
Vinny feels it necessary to tell us that he guesses that the Sunday Times does not make enough money to cough up $250k a year for him. Vinny you are THE SHIT! You are so rich and powerful that The Sunday Times cannot afford you. That makes you the envy of people worldwide! Fuck you are arrogant, but not in a joking way. You are arrogant because you actually think we care what you earn. Donald Trump earns billions, he has a right to be arrogant. He earns so much money that he makes arrogant being cool. You on the other hand only charge about $250k a year. That is fuck all compared to the big dogs in the world.
Fuck Vinny, if you are going to earn such a shit salary a year, then still brag about it, you better look like Brad Pitt or David Beckham. But once again, there you fall short. Brad and David could earn what you earn and be allowed to be arrogant, because they look good, and good looking people can get away with that.
Let's all bow down to Vinny, he really is such a marvellous fellow.
Vinny feels it necessary to tell us that he guesses that the Sunday Times does not make enough money to cough up $250k a year for him. Vinny you are THE SHIT! You are so rich and powerful that The Sunday Times cannot afford you. That makes you the envy of people worldwide! Fuck you are arrogant, but not in a joking way. You are arrogant because you actually think we care what you earn. Donald Trump earns billions, he has a right to be arrogant. He earns so much money that he makes arrogant being cool. You on the other hand only charge about $250k a year. That is fuck all compared to the big dogs in the world.
Fuck Vinny, if you are going to earn such a shit salary a year, then still brag about it, you better look like Brad Pitt or David Beckham. But once again, there you fall short. Brad and David could earn what you earn and be allowed to be arrogant, because they look good, and good looking people can get away with that.
Let's all bow down to Vinny, he really is such a marvellous fellow.
Monday, May 14, 2007
I was there...moments before it crashed
For the write up on the day...read HERE. I'm really starting to get fucked off with this blog not working. Fuck me sideways.
Also I found this picture of Condoleeza Rice(Brown rice). Sweetheart, you are underestimating me. Remember Dirk Diggler from Boogie Nights? That's more like it my Gap spokesperson.
Deep Dish at Workshop 17
I also forgot to say on my OTHER BLOG(Where the Deep Dish write up is) that I saw Top Billing presenter Jeannie D there with some dude hanging onto her while she did not look that interested. She just kept typing a message on her phone. So maybe there is still a chance with her and me...Please do take note of my girl in the gold hot pants. Fantastic sweetheart.
I'm sure I will put more photos up as the week sidles on...
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Weekend shenanigans
"I'm going to pistol whip the next person who says Shenanigans!"
"Hey Farva what's that place you like with all the goofy shit on the wall?"
"You mean Shenanigans?"
Ohhhhhh...hands over the pistol.
That was random. Super Troopers fans will know. For our weekend shenanigans click SHENANIGANS
"Hey Farva what's that place you like with all the goofy shit on the wall?"
"You mean Shenanigans?"
Ohhhhhh...hands over the pistol.
That was random. Super Troopers fans will know. For our weekend shenanigans click SHENANIGANS
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Sean's traffic rules_ Case Study 2
I think the rules for driving are quite simple. Don't be an idiot.
What we see here is car Number 1 wanting to make a right turn, across two lanes of heavy traffic. You can do this right turn on small roads, but not on a busy road at peak hour. Trying to do this at 5pm on Belvedere Road is going to make car Number 2(Me) flip. I don't care that you have until 6pm to get home. I don't. Plus the hour that I wait behind you while you try to make your turn wastes my petrol and contributes to global warming.
Honestly, what are you thinking trying to make such a turn? Inevitably, as soon as one lane of traffic stops the other starts again. In this situation you cannot win. And neither can I.
So turn left, fool.
This happens to me all the time, I get stuck behind a car trying to make this turn. I see it is going nowhere and as soon as I try to reverse and get out of there, some other fool pulls up right behind me, getting me stuck in some sort of twilight zone that I will never get out of.
It's quite odd really that people are willing to wait twenty minutes to make these turns. Do you have nothing better to do?
Gosh
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Queen has the last lag
I thought after I posted a piece on George W's clever comment the other day, here is the follow up.
This from News24:
"Mr President, I wondered whether I should start this toast saying, 'When I was here in 1776',"
You go girl!
Here is the Full Story
George Bush kind of reminds me of the naught kid at school. You know, Billy the kid. Or Timmy. Or Tommy or Jimmy. Always very innocent, and not such a bad person, and actually not that naughty but rather mischievous. That's who George is. He is actually one of the funniest men on the planet. He is just awesome. I love watching him, that smirk on his face, his comments, his demeanour, it's legendary. And the whole time you actually never think that he is a President.
I think it's about time he hosts Saturday Night Live, perk the show up a little bit.
This from News24:
"Mr President, I wondered whether I should start this toast saying, 'When I was here in 1776',"
You go girl!
Here is the Full Story
George Bush kind of reminds me of the naught kid at school. You know, Billy the kid. Or Timmy. Or Tommy or Jimmy. Always very innocent, and not such a bad person, and actually not that naughty but rather mischievous. That's who George is. He is actually one of the funniest men on the planet. He is just awesome. I love watching him, that smirk on his face, his comments, his demeanour, it's legendary. And the whole time you actually never think that he is a President.
I think it's about time he hosts Saturday Night Live, perk the show up a little bit.
Shooter!
I don't think this movie has had the best reviews, but damn I enjoyed it! I don't like to give away details, but you need to watch it if only for some of the awesome shots that Mark "Fuck I'm a hard man" Wahlberg takes.
There is also a scene at the farmhouse where Mark and his mate absolutely annihilate everything in sight. They take it to the cleaners.
I must be honest, I think Mark Wahlberg is underrated. He is so awesome. First we knew him as Marky Mark, then he did the Calvin Klein underwear campaign, and once you have done that you win. He then played Dirk Diggler in Boogie Nights, he played a rock star in Rock Star. Then he played Bobbie Mercer in Four Brothers where he also proceeded to fuck everyone in sight up. He is also an executive producer of Entourage and makes an appearance walking down the street in the first season.
Now he comes at us with Shooter. Crazy. He is actually one of the coolest actors around at the moment. And he is a big mother fucker. He has two guns which I'm guessing he has named "Lights" and "Out" Amazing. He gets properly beat in this film, but still kicks ass. We watched it at the Waterfront last night, then went for a drink at Quay Four and then went to Alba. Which is seemingly a gay bar. I never knew that. I was just waiting for some dude to walk up to me and be like "So how much you weigh?" Then I reply, "Why, you think you can pick me up?" Realising my monumental fuck up, I run out, leaving my cold brewski next to some dudes "Sex on the beach" cocktail. Crazy.
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
George Bush is off his face
You might not have seen this yet, but I have. On Sky News. George Bush was giving a speech, with The Queen right next to him. The speech went something like this, and I have it on my phone but I will try find it on Youtube or Sky News.
Fuck this is too funny! Turn Sky News on now and you will find it!
He said " You helped our nation celebrate it's bi-centennial in seventeen...in nineteeen seventy six" He then looks at the Queen smiling while the gathered crowd laughs, and belts out this corker
"She(Just casually referring to The Queen!) gave me a look that only a mother could give a child"
A look that only a mother could give a child!
NO. FUCKING. WAYS.
I could not believe it either! It's TOO funny!
George Bush is completely off his tit's. Fuck he's cool.
Ok my computer is not working but go HERE and then you will see the video on the top right of the screen. Show everyone. Laugh
Fuck this is too funny! Turn Sky News on now and you will find it!
He said " You helped our nation celebrate it's bi-centennial in seventeen...in nineteeen seventy six" He then looks at the Queen smiling while the gathered crowd laughs, and belts out this corker
"She(Just casually referring to The Queen!) gave me a look that only a mother could give a child"
A look that only a mother could give a child!
NO. FUCKING. WAYS.
I could not believe it either! It's TOO funny!
George Bush is completely off his tit's. Fuck he's cool.
Ok my computer is not working but go HERE and then you will see the video on the top right of the screen. Show everyone. Laugh
Monday, May 07, 2007
Bone
Please enjoy the size of the bone the Rottweiller is currently gnawing on. I'm starting to worry that it might be a human bone though. Something like a femur. Come to think of it I have not seen John the neighbour in a few weeks. Odd
Son of a bitch
Who is Patrick anyway?
Myself and BMP were kicking it around Rondebosch School(Ahhh...good memories) on Saturday to watch our team partake in a spot of rugby.
In between marvelling and wondering why the school girls were not so skanky in our day, we noticed a poor, poor advertisment.
I have always been a Nike person, it's just my choice. Lately CapeStorm also seem to be kitting my mountain bike rides out. But I have never owned anything from Patrick.
And now I see why. Their ad at the rugby simply said "Two stripes are enough" Are you fucking joking? This is obviously referring to the three stripes of David Beckhams preferred brand, Adidas. It is so poor! They are basically saying they have given up on trying to be a good brand, and are happy with last place. It's like "Our boots are good enough. They are not the best. They won't get you to the end of a game in comfort, they don't have any special features, but they are ok. They will just let you finish a game"
This is shocking. When your brand is doing so badly, is it not time to close the company down? Does anyone actually still remember Patrick, or where you could buy their shit?
Too bizarre.
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Paris Hilton: Slag
By know we all know that Parys is going to jail. Sexy. Anyway, that's not what I'm writing about. I'm writing about the fact that little Miss Princess whore lies so much!
I can't remember where I read this shit, but I did.
Paris has said before that she does not really drink as she does not like the taste of alcohol. This fails to explain the many times we have seen her fucked out of her bracket, and driving. I'm guessing her latest sentence about her driving while her licence was suspended had something to do with drinking. I don't know the truth but her licence was probably suspended for drink driving. First lie.
Secondly, she has said before in an interview, I think it could have been with Piers Morgan(Legend at interviewing- A God walking amongst mere mortals when it comes to asking killer questions) that she does not really like sex that much, or she does not really have sex that much, something along those lines. That fails to explain why we see videos of her fucking like a racehorse, and every time we see her she is boning someone else.
And this is someone people are fascinated by! I personally don't see the fascination. It was cool seeing her video, we had a laugh, we marveled, but now I'm asking the question: What the FUCK does Paris Hilton actually do? Why do we like her?(Some of us) She is a shit actress, a poor singer, she lies all the time, and I'm quite over her looks. She is actually quite useless! Other than for sex and some good times. You could also possibly score some reefer from her when no one else can get the stuff.
I hope she gets put in jail with the biggest diesel dyke mechanic this planet has ever seen.
I can't remember where I read this shit, but I did.
Paris has said before that she does not really drink as she does not like the taste of alcohol. This fails to explain the many times we have seen her fucked out of her bracket, and driving. I'm guessing her latest sentence about her driving while her licence was suspended had something to do with drinking. I don't know the truth but her licence was probably suspended for drink driving. First lie.
Secondly, she has said before in an interview, I think it could have been with Piers Morgan(Legend at interviewing- A God walking amongst mere mortals when it comes to asking killer questions) that she does not really like sex that much, or she does not really have sex that much, something along those lines. That fails to explain why we see videos of her fucking like a racehorse, and every time we see her she is boning someone else.
And this is someone people are fascinated by! I personally don't see the fascination. It was cool seeing her video, we had a laugh, we marveled, but now I'm asking the question: What the FUCK does Paris Hilton actually do? Why do we like her?(Some of us) She is a shit actress, a poor singer, she lies all the time, and I'm quite over her looks. She is actually quite useless! Other than for sex and some good times. You could also possibly score some reefer from her when no one else can get the stuff.
I hope she gets put in jail with the biggest diesel dyke mechanic this planet has ever seen.
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Asian Wolf
No, not some cheap porn site but rather a kick ass alarm system! You have never seen a bad boy like this before. Or maybe you have.
I was kicking it at Sounds Dynamic in Rondebosch today, getting the VR3's CD player fitted after not having it working for a while. Then I saw an advert for this Asian Wolf on their wall.
"Mother of God" is what you might say when hearing what it does.
Check the Asian Wolf
I was kicking it at Sounds Dynamic in Rondebosch today, getting the VR3's CD player fitted after not having it working for a while. Then I saw an advert for this Asian Wolf on their wall.
"Mother of God" is what you might say when hearing what it does.
Check the Asian Wolf
Traffic rules
For the writing that accompanies this picture click HERE
Please take note of the picture, in order to understand the intricate article
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Topher Grace delivers todays pearler
I was just watching E! Entertainment and Topher Grace was being interviewed for Spider Man 3, for which he had to gain 20 pounds. So he obviously was punishing the gym little bit. But the classic line comes in when he told us what some guy at the gym said to him. This dude walks up and says:
"You know of a good vet?"
So Topher is like "What?"
He says "You know of a good vet" Then points to his guns and says:
"Cos these puppies are sick!"
Sean needs a quiet moment to himself
HA!
HA HA!
HA HA HA HA!
WHOOOOOOOOOO!
HAVE YOU EVER?!
Have you ever heard anything funnier?! I haven't!
Imagine you go up to a chick and say that, confidently. I have no doubt you will win.
The great thing is, it's so cheesy, so arrogant,so...I don't know, crazy, that she will probably think you are joking and will enjoy it because you have a sense of humour. In fact I think it will work better if you have small arms, because then she will know that you are quite a funny guy.
But the thing is, even though you have small arms, in your mind you think she is laughing because she is amazed that you have such sick puppies.
It's the beauty of being a guy. If we think it, we believe it. We all believe we are living the dream.
As a guy, you can be overweight, smell of booze and cigarettes, have no cash, and yet wake up in the morning and go "FUCK! It's good to be me!"
You can also walk down the street like this and feel like a million bucks. And in your mind you can still get the girl in that fetching red dress who just walked past you.
As guys, we believe the lie.
And damn, it feels good!
"You know of a good vet?"
So Topher is like "What?"
He says "You know of a good vet" Then points to his guns and says:
"Cos these puppies are sick!"
Sean needs a quiet moment to himself
HA!
HA HA!
HA HA HA HA!
WHOOOOOOOOOO!
HAVE YOU EVER?!
Have you ever heard anything funnier?! I haven't!
Imagine you go up to a chick and say that, confidently. I have no doubt you will win.
The great thing is, it's so cheesy, so arrogant,so...I don't know, crazy, that she will probably think you are joking and will enjoy it because you have a sense of humour. In fact I think it will work better if you have small arms, because then she will know that you are quite a funny guy.
But the thing is, even though you have small arms, in your mind you think she is laughing because she is amazed that you have such sick puppies.
It's the beauty of being a guy. If we think it, we believe it. We all believe we are living the dream.
As a guy, you can be overweight, smell of booze and cigarettes, have no cash, and yet wake up in the morning and go "FUCK! It's good to be me!"
You can also walk down the street like this and feel like a million bucks. And in your mind you can still get the girl in that fetching red dress who just walked past you.
As guys, we believe the lie.
And damn, it feels good!
Two tickets to the gun show
Don't ask me where I found this...but I did. This is an old photo of Da Governator! And on his right, Sly! Sylvester Stallone, good memories.
Please take note of the size of Arnies gun. I mean...that is a fucking solid gun workout he is doing there to get those bad boys.
"Two tickets to the gun show left"
Arnie must have totally abused the situation of having such big guns.
"Come on baby, come back to Arnies Palace, I flex my muscle for you. I flex, you blow, I flex, you blow. HA HA HA! We have good sexy time" (Note: This must all be done in Arnies accent for maximum effect)
I'm quite speechless.
I'm not really too perturbed by the situation, because right now I'm looking like Brad Pitt from Fight Club so I can't really complain about my body
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