Come check out the party at my new blog site, right over HERE. It's that easy! Can I make it easier for you to laugh? I don't think I can! The new blog has only been running for about four hours and already the e-mails are streaming in, praising my way with words! It's like the M-Net show Laugh Out Loud, only it's funny.
I have already posted what I like to call some "booster" articles, to get you into the vibe, to make the first 20 minutes of your Wednesday a little more exciting, and to have you thinking "Would the world still exist without this stupid writing?" I don't think it would. Hurry hurry hurry!
Time is running out and articles are coming at a rapid pace...
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Chopper!
Firstly, how is the complete fuckfest between Joblog, 20ceansvibe and everyone? It's madness and is getting me quite aroused. That's a blatant lie.
Anyway, I thought I had it tough...fuck me these guys are being utterly annihilated out there. Sexy times guys...sexy times...now let's not lose our pants just yet.
Anyway, I was just eating tuna on rice cakes, as most body builders like myself and Shameen Adams do. Seriously, if you want to see Shameen in action, he works out at Claremont Virgin Active and owns the supplement store right next to the bank. He has actually had the honour of having a gun workout with me before and ever since then he won't stop harassing me for training programs and shit like that. Not to mention rice cakes and tuna when he runs out.
Off the topic. But as I was eating my protein, I thought back to my post on Heather Mills McCartney and how she needs to harden the fuck up. So I found out about the real Chopper whose name is Mark Read. He actually had his ears cut off in prison so he could get a transfer. Finally, a man harder than me. And Colin Moss. That's a joke. Colin is not hard at all.
But the cool thing is, the thing that has had me aroused(A blatant lie again) all day is the fact that the movie Chopper is coming on on Thursday night on E-tv at about 10pm. So you can basically get your rocks off watching Chopper(With Eric Bana starring) and then completely flip your tits trying to spot the invisible man in the cheap porno that they will probably show afterwards. Or is that only on Saturday nights? I forget. Fuck I'm too busy these days. Ok I'm getting ready for Tiger Tiger tonight where some very naughty(And no doubt very young) girls are in big trouble.
Take the blog wars easy boys.
Anyway, I thought I had it tough...fuck me these guys are being utterly annihilated out there. Sexy times guys...sexy times...now let's not lose our pants just yet.
Anyway, I was just eating tuna on rice cakes, as most body builders like myself and Shameen Adams do. Seriously, if you want to see Shameen in action, he works out at Claremont Virgin Active and owns the supplement store right next to the bank. He has actually had the honour of having a gun workout with me before and ever since then he won't stop harassing me for training programs and shit like that. Not to mention rice cakes and tuna when he runs out.
Off the topic. But as I was eating my protein, I thought back to my post on Heather Mills McCartney and how she needs to harden the fuck up. So I found out about the real Chopper whose name is Mark Read. He actually had his ears cut off in prison so he could get a transfer. Finally, a man harder than me. And Colin Moss. That's a joke. Colin is not hard at all.
But the cool thing is, the thing that has had me aroused(A blatant lie again) all day is the fact that the movie Chopper is coming on on Thursday night on E-tv at about 10pm. So you can basically get your rocks off watching Chopper(With Eric Bana starring) and then completely flip your tits trying to spot the invisible man in the cheap porno that they will probably show afterwards. Or is that only on Saturday nights? I forget. Fuck I'm too busy these days. Ok I'm getting ready for Tiger Tiger tonight where some very naughty(And no doubt very young) girls are in big trouble.
Take the blog wars easy boys.
Read these
Sorry, my computer is a complete fuckshow at the moment, it only does not work on Blogger. Odd. Managed to put this through on another computer, will try get my stone age laptop working by next week...hopwfully.
If you are only interested in doing your own thing in life, then these are two books that you must read. Because I did, and I can confirm, they were good.
The first is Richard Bransons Autobiography, Losing My Virginity. It tells the full story of his life, from starting Student magazine to Virgin Records and his airline. It's truly brilliant the way that he thinks. He is not really afraid to try anything and will do most things. I read it about two years ago, but the updated version is now available.
The second is his short book, Screw It, Let's Do it: Lessons In Life
This book is great, and you will probably read it in about an hour or so. It's not really about business as so many other books claim to be, but it's rather about a mindset. As it say's on the back cover: People will always try and talk you out of ideas and say: 'It can't be done,' but if you have faith in yourself you'll find you can achieve almost anything.
I have read other books such as Robert Kiyosakis "Rich dad poor dad" and his "Retire young retire rich" Did I really think I was going to retire young and retire rich on a book that cost R80? No, but I thought maybe I could learn something new. I think it is clear that our boy Robert is probably making more money from his books than he did in his previous career. If you look at all the people who have read Rich dad poor dad, you may notice that not many of them are making any more money than they originally were, and are probably still doing the same job, while the book collects dust. One book of mine that does not collect dust it Screw It, Let's Do It, because I always pick it up to read, even though I have already read it a few times.
It's just brilliant, and is probably better if you are not really the studying type, but the ideas type of person. Some people enjoy college, the office all day, and the boss. Some don't. For the latter, Richard Branson is your man.
I find Robert Kiyosakis books too vague, and not really that inspiring. You just learn how HE made money, what HE did,and it all gets a bit complicated at times. For example, when things get complicated, he says you should see a financial advisor. Fuck off, I bought your book, I want YOU to explain it to me tool.
Besides, many of his dealings were lucky. He may buy empty apartment blocks without having any money, but in reality today, this is not possible. You can't even buy a house for R1,5 million without the bank wanting to know everything about you and your job and your salary. His ideas are good on paper, but shit in real life.
As I say, Bransons books are about a different mindset, and he believes in even the smallest ideas. He also never finished school, and everything he had built up is through seeing things that others couldn't. Something college can never teach you.
If you are only interested in doing your own thing in life, then these are two books that you must read. Because I did, and I can confirm, they were good.
The first is Richard Bransons Autobiography, Losing My Virginity. It tells the full story of his life, from starting Student magazine to Virgin Records and his airline. It's truly brilliant the way that he thinks. He is not really afraid to try anything and will do most things. I read it about two years ago, but the updated version is now available.
The second is his short book, Screw It, Let's Do it: Lessons In Life
This book is great, and you will probably read it in about an hour or so. It's not really about business as so many other books claim to be, but it's rather about a mindset. As it say's on the back cover: People will always try and talk you out of ideas and say: 'It can't be done,' but if you have faith in yourself you'll find you can achieve almost anything.
I have read other books such as Robert Kiyosakis "Rich dad poor dad" and his "Retire young retire rich" Did I really think I was going to retire young and retire rich on a book that cost R80? No, but I thought maybe I could learn something new. I think it is clear that our boy Robert is probably making more money from his books than he did in his previous career. If you look at all the people who have read Rich dad poor dad, you may notice that not many of them are making any more money than they originally were, and are probably still doing the same job, while the book collects dust. One book of mine that does not collect dust it Screw It, Let's Do It, because I always pick it up to read, even though I have already read it a few times.
It's just brilliant, and is probably better if you are not really the studying type, but the ideas type of person. Some people enjoy college, the office all day, and the boss. Some don't. For the latter, Richard Branson is your man.
I find Robert Kiyosakis books too vague, and not really that inspiring. You just learn how HE made money, what HE did,and it all gets a bit complicated at times. For example, when things get complicated, he says you should see a financial advisor. Fuck off, I bought your book, I want YOU to explain it to me tool.
Besides, many of his dealings were lucky. He may buy empty apartment blocks without having any money, but in reality today, this is not possible. You can't even buy a house for R1,5 million without the bank wanting to know everything about you and your job and your salary. His ideas are good on paper, but shit in real life.
As I say, Bransons books are about a different mindset, and he believes in even the smallest ideas. He also never finished school, and everything he had built up is through seeing things that others couldn't. Something college can never teach you.
Monday, March 12, 2007
Break a leg Heather
This may sound really mean, but I read it somewhere else.
You HAVE to follow THIS link, and read the article on Heather Mills in the upcoming dancing with the stars. You can actually bet on whether her leg will fall off. Hey, I never said it! Shit, that's mean.
But the saying "break a leg" was from some New Zealand or Australian site I was on last week and it was the caption for a photo. They could have said good luck, but it was such an easy cheap shot they just took it and ran with it.
Another headline on the above link is "Heather gets a leg up on the competition.
Too mean.
Too funny.
Someone is going to die young for saying these things.
You HAVE to follow THIS link, and read the article on Heather Mills in the upcoming dancing with the stars. You can actually bet on whether her leg will fall off. Hey, I never said it! Shit, that's mean.
But the saying "break a leg" was from some New Zealand or Australian site I was on last week and it was the caption for a photo. They could have said good luck, but it was such an easy cheap shot they just took it and ran with it.
Another headline on the above link is "Heather gets a leg up on the competition.
Too mean.
Too funny.
Someone is going to die young for saying these things.
Not my first choice, but possibly my last
I have always wondered about all these surveys that get done. Every month in Men's Health(Which by the way, I don't buy. You've seen the one you've seen 'em all. "Get ripped, fast" "Eat more, weigh less" "Better sex" "78 nutrition tips" Bullshit)
Anyway, I got the January issue free with my Argus registration pack and I knew the back page thing was a lie when I read this beauty:
Hollywood hottie that men would most enjoy filming a sex scene with: Salma Hayek
It's more like Salma Heck "Where the fuck did that crawl out of"
A quick look on Egotastic brought an image to my eyes that was not easy to look at on a post Argus Monday. As if the sun and wind did not punish my eyes enough yesterday.
Shit girl, you look horrendous!
Personally, for a sex scene I would have to go with someone like Jessica Biel, Anne Hathaway, or, by the beard of Zeus, Antonella Barba, an American Idol contestant. Yes, that really is her in the photo below and if we keep our fingers crossed there are talks of her appearing in Playboy.
Very nice indeed.
Nice, Vodacom
Just as I was about to start going on about how fucking expensive a Vodacom 3G card contract is, they harden the fuck up and reduce their rates. If you, like me, use a 3G card you should be quite happy from the 1st of April. Because if you are a contract subscriber, the price automatically reduces for you, and not only for new subscribers. Even better, are the prices. My 3G card is really quick on the internet and so it's kind of a better deal than ADSL. Mind you, I don't know what ADSL costs but I know it's quite a lot. Now all we need is for Telkom to harden the fuck up, reduce their CEO's multi million rand salary, and we will all be happier.
New prices:
MY MEG 500: Was R350
Now: R249
MY GIG 1: Was R599
Now: R349
MY GIG 2: Was R1098
Now: R449
So well done Vodacom. Next is to offer us unlimited GIGS! That would be great. But we all know you are too shrewd for that. So are you Telkom, so are you.
NB: I do intend writing a piece on the Argus Cycle Tour yesterday, but I want nothing to do with cycling for a while now. Now I have to start training for the Two Oceans Half Marathon. Great.
I did a 4:38 time yesterday, not great, but about half way through the ride I was just wanting to finish in under 6 hours. I was so beat I could not really thing straight anymore.
New prices:
MY MEG 500: Was R350
Now: R249
MY GIG 1: Was R599
Now: R349
MY GIG 2: Was R1098
Now: R449
So well done Vodacom. Next is to offer us unlimited GIGS! That would be great. But we all know you are too shrewd for that. So are you Telkom, so are you.
NB: I do intend writing a piece on the Argus Cycle Tour yesterday, but I want nothing to do with cycling for a while now. Now I have to start training for the Two Oceans Half Marathon. Great.
I did a 4:38 time yesterday, not great, but about half way through the ride I was just wanting to finish in under 6 hours. I was so beat I could not really thing straight anymore.
Friday, March 09, 2007
It's Friday, I'm alone, where is that bird that eye fucked me two weeks ago at Sobhar?
That's not true, but there were a couple of hotties there.
I was clearly a fucking silly boy when I entered this whole Argus Cycle Tour thing. I'm pretty fit from mountain biking but I don't have a road bike and so I decided right now, Friday night, to put my slick tyres on. Bit late, Bob. They have been sitting in the garage for about three years and are now hard and perishing, and I don't have tubes that fit. Add to this the fact that my largest gear does not work, and I feel I am about to be steam rolled by Vernon "The pain train" Davis from the San Francisco 49'ers. Or just Terry Tate, office fucking linebacker.
So being all respectable I turned down a ho down tonight, in favour of chilling at home. Bad idea. I slept on the couch the whole afternoon and now I'm awake, fucking bored, and ready to put the vibe out. I'm ready to go, with nowhere to go. Fuck.
Someone call me, invite me somewhere. Gisele? Heidi? Sienna? Jessica?
So anyway, I was thinking back to a gem of a conversation I had with the slacker crew yesterday on the beach(Where, by the way, I saw the TBG from 2oceansvibe. Mind boggling) where somehow someone brought up this old thing about Prince Charles. I think we were talking about munters and I mentioned that every time Charles and Horse Chestnut,err I mean Camilla, go to a function where there is a 21 gun salute, she gets nervous, bolts and jumps over a fence.
Then someone brought up the 1993 scandal where Charles said he wanted to be reincarnated as HER TAMPON! Somehow someone intercepted a phone call where he said this. And it's true.
Take a moment to vomit up all the food you have eaten today.
Mmmm carrots
To say my stomach has knotted up is an understatement. It's fucking turning like a lathe.
I would not even, for one moment, or for lots of money, consider kissing her. Not even a peck on the cheek. Because for that I will have to brush my finely chiseled cheekbones on her 'tache. She has a slight muzzie, you have to admit. Not quite a handlebar, but it's there. Now to be a tampon, inside of her, good fuck I'm ashamed this is on my page.
I doubt most people would even consider boning her with Mick Jaggers cock.
This article has turned into full scale, A-grade smut.
To find out more about this story, there are bits and pieces on the web. Type in things like "Prince Charles tampon scandal" into Google, and watch as food magically evacuates your stomach and spreads itself onto your nice shiny new Apple Macbook Pro.
Good night
And good luck
Hey, that could make for a very intriguing name for a movie. I'd probably put someone like...oh let's say...George Clooney in it? Sounds good to me.
UPDATE: Contrary to what I believe is popular belief, I have never had a wood for Camilla.
And I never will
Now stop accusing me
I was clearly a fucking silly boy when I entered this whole Argus Cycle Tour thing. I'm pretty fit from mountain biking but I don't have a road bike and so I decided right now, Friday night, to put my slick tyres on. Bit late, Bob. They have been sitting in the garage for about three years and are now hard and perishing, and I don't have tubes that fit. Add to this the fact that my largest gear does not work, and I feel I am about to be steam rolled by Vernon "The pain train" Davis from the San Francisco 49'ers. Or just Terry Tate, office fucking linebacker.
So being all respectable I turned down a ho down tonight, in favour of chilling at home. Bad idea. I slept on the couch the whole afternoon and now I'm awake, fucking bored, and ready to put the vibe out. I'm ready to go, with nowhere to go. Fuck.
Someone call me, invite me somewhere. Gisele? Heidi? Sienna? Jessica?
So anyway, I was thinking back to a gem of a conversation I had with the slacker crew yesterday on the beach(Where, by the way, I saw the TBG from 2oceansvibe. Mind boggling) where somehow someone brought up this old thing about Prince Charles. I think we were talking about munters and I mentioned that every time Charles and Horse Chestnut,err I mean Camilla, go to a function where there is a 21 gun salute, she gets nervous, bolts and jumps over a fence.
Then someone brought up the 1993 scandal where Charles said he wanted to be reincarnated as HER TAMPON! Somehow someone intercepted a phone call where he said this. And it's true.
Take a moment to vomit up all the food you have eaten today.
Mmmm carrots
To say my stomach has knotted up is an understatement. It's fucking turning like a lathe.
I would not even, for one moment, or for lots of money, consider kissing her. Not even a peck on the cheek. Because for that I will have to brush my finely chiseled cheekbones on her 'tache. She has a slight muzzie, you have to admit. Not quite a handlebar, but it's there. Now to be a tampon, inside of her, good fuck I'm ashamed this is on my page.
I doubt most people would even consider boning her with Mick Jaggers cock.
This article has turned into full scale, A-grade smut.
To find out more about this story, there are bits and pieces on the web. Type in things like "Prince Charles tampon scandal" into Google, and watch as food magically evacuates your stomach and spreads itself onto your nice shiny new Apple Macbook Pro.
Good night
And good luck
Hey, that could make for a very intriguing name for a movie. I'd probably put someone like...oh let's say...George Clooney in it? Sounds good to me.
UPDATE: Contrary to what I believe is popular belief, I have never had a wood for Camilla.
And I never will
Now stop accusing me
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Perfect pairing
You may all know that a little time back Heather "Harden the fuck up" Mills McCartney was dropped as a spokesperson for PETA(People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) I, being a highly qualified matchmaker, still think she would make a rocking spokesperson for the international brand GAP. Or locally, maybe we should start up a clothing store called "Passion GAP" and make her our spokesperson. We would make millions. The photo does not show her gap in all it's glory, but I know it is there. In most photos you see of her she is not smiling. I think she trawls the web removing photos of her smiling. Funny enough, if you type in "Heather Mills McCartney" into Google, all you get is references to her porn movie. Great legacy she is leaving behind.
I do realise this single post is sending me straight to hell
Straight from 2oceans
I saw a Joblog post on a thing they had taken from Splattermail, but they mentioned they had, so it's all good. I just had to post this then, because it's a better view of 2oceansvibes's(Don't even ask how you say this, or if it is correct) Tuesday tab's post. Just take a look at 2oceansvibe and see the photo. Then look at this one, for one extra tit showing. Very nice indeed. I have had a mild fascination with the movie The Devil Wears Prada, due to Anne Hathaway and Emily Blunt being very easy on the eye. Once again it shows that my judgement was good.
Heather Mills McCartney, HARDEN THE FUCK UP!
Apparently Heather Mills McCartney is now demanding 10k a day. That's POUNDS. What the fuck do you need so much money for. Heather, here is message from me. You just need food and accomodation to live. I don't know what fucking face creams and holidays you want to buy, but you my girl, need to HARDEN THE FUCK UP. Because Chopper says so.
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
No heading. I don't know why
I found a statistic HERE that says in 2006 2.9 million people died of AIDS.
Now I might sound like a complete wank, which I probably am, but imagine these people did not die of AIDS. Imagine 2.9 million extra people on the planet. Let say 2 million people die every year of AIDS as an example. Imagine then that every year, on top of the scary amount of people on the planet, there were an extra 2 million. Imagine no one in this world ever died, other than from old age. The world would be totally fucked. We can campaign as much as we like to cure every disease on the planet, but the day this happens is the day we are completely fucked. Seriously, we might as well shoot ourselves in the foot and then bleed to death. Because there is only so much this world can cope with.
Imagine having to feed an extra 2.9 million people every year. This means more farming, more fossil fuels used to farm, more pollution, more global warming.
The only thing that concerns me in this world is global warming. We can cure AIDS, find vaccines for cancer, but if the world fucks out none of this is going to help us. I don't believe looking for a cure for AIDS is ever going to work. It's something that is there to save the planet. I know this sounds mean, but it is true. The world can't sustain the pace at which we are going. At this rate, we are all going to be screwed.
I just think that we need to concentrate on global warming. Because we have an eternity to cure AIDS if we want to, we have an eternity to do lot's of things. But with global warming, we don't have an eternity. I don't know how long we have, but it's not long. Every day we fuck ourselves by the rate at which we are growing.
And that's why disease exists, because we can't control ourselves, so nature has to. Think of the plague and all these other things. They are natural. I'm not the president or anything, but something needs to be done, rather fast.
What a deep article.
Let's all go to the beach.
Now I might sound like a complete wank, which I probably am, but imagine these people did not die of AIDS. Imagine 2.9 million extra people on the planet. Let say 2 million people die every year of AIDS as an example. Imagine then that every year, on top of the scary amount of people on the planet, there were an extra 2 million. Imagine no one in this world ever died, other than from old age. The world would be totally fucked. We can campaign as much as we like to cure every disease on the planet, but the day this happens is the day we are completely fucked. Seriously, we might as well shoot ourselves in the foot and then bleed to death. Because there is only so much this world can cope with.
Imagine having to feed an extra 2.9 million people every year. This means more farming, more fossil fuels used to farm, more pollution, more global warming.
The only thing that concerns me in this world is global warming. We can cure AIDS, find vaccines for cancer, but if the world fucks out none of this is going to help us. I don't believe looking for a cure for AIDS is ever going to work. It's something that is there to save the planet. I know this sounds mean, but it is true. The world can't sustain the pace at which we are going. At this rate, we are all going to be screwed.
I just think that we need to concentrate on global warming. Because we have an eternity to cure AIDS if we want to, we have an eternity to do lot's of things. But with global warming, we don't have an eternity. I don't know how long we have, but it's not long. Every day we fuck ourselves by the rate at which we are growing.
And that's why disease exists, because we can't control ourselves, so nature has to. Think of the plague and all these other things. They are natural. I'm not the president or anything, but something needs to be done, rather fast.
What a deep article.
Let's all go to the beach.
I'm intrigued
Intriguing
I'm intrigued by many things and excited by others. I'm excited for my copy of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S Thompson to arrive. It's going to be sick. But other things that intrigue me are these things with lots of writing in them, one of which is called the Cape Argus.
Just a little story on how I bought my Cape Argus last night. I went through to the petrol station at about 10pm last night to buy a pack of Endearmints, those soft chewy ones that get me all happy in pants. While I was there I obviously thought it fit to stock up on “Gladiator” condoms, made by God knows who. Just in case my friends ex decides to knock on my door again at 3am. Crazy bitch.
So anyway, I buy all this shit and while I was on my way home, I got stuck behind an ADT car at the robots. Anyway, the robots went green and this ADT dude took off very slowly around the corner. Then he virtually came to a standstill and hooted. I thought he must be on an early evening Tik binge. Then he put his arm out the window and waved me past. I thought “Shit, what a nice man” So I put my foot down and shunted past him at a rate of knots. Then I flashed my hazard lights to say “Thanks buster” At this point I realised that I am a complete fuck up, because the guy was actually making such a fuss because I had not turned my lights on. Gosh. Idiot!
So I got home, ate half a pack of those mints, which is probably why I had such cotton mouth this morning, and then read the paper. Actually my friend Mike came round to drop off a birthday present and we had a good laugh about those “Bentley belts” that kids used to use to stay afloat in the pool. I actually have a fucking funny article to write on that.
In the paper I was quite intrigued by this Coldplay thing at the moment. Apparently the tree huggers are working on a song that is “genius” and we have to hear it “before we die” This is actually the cleverest piece of marketing I have ever heard of. When you release an album and make this sort of statement, people are going to want to buy it, because it's a piece of history. I don't recall Bono ever saying this about any one of his songs. All I hear from him is mutterings about AIDS in Africa and occasionally he sings us a little song in between his fucking whining. As one of the Gallagher brothers said “Shut the fuck up”
Seriously though, I can't wait to hear this song now. It's keeping me awake at night. Granted, I will never buy the album, but hopefully my friend Lex will download it then I can steal it from him and put it straight onto my iPod. Great.
Another story that is fucked is the one about the rapist in Hermanus. I won't go into too much detail because stories like this with rape, crime and shit don't really do it for me. Apparently the chick who caught the rapist just got him plastered when he broke into her house. First she offered him food then he said he wanted wine. So she poured him three mugs of papsak. If you don't know what papsak is, it's box wine. Basically you p*#s the papsak in about an hour, then when you are ready to pass out, you blow the sak up and use it as a pillow. Quite an ingenius design really. And you can then use the box to throw over your birds head, if she is a bit of a munter. It should actually win a design award somewhere in the world.
Then in the article is says
“Back at the house, the nephew pounced on Mowers(The rapist).
He fought back and Mentou (The wine giving chick) leapt on him too-pinning him down with her considerable frame. They called the police and waited”
CONSIDERABLE
FRAME
HA! Nice one, Cape Argus, considerable frame as in overweight! This is crazy. Even more crazy is the story. Who the fuck breaks into a house, falls into the trap of getting hammered, and then passes out. Seriously, I want to believe this story, but it sounds too simple to be true. I don't have an explanation for how it could really have happened but I bet it's far from what this story is.
This is one for MythBusters. Or just drunken tik fuelled stories that you will tell your kids one day around the fire while you do mescallin and sniff glue and shit.
I'm intrigued by many things and excited by others. I'm excited for my copy of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S Thompson to arrive. It's going to be sick. But other things that intrigue me are these things with lots of writing in them, one of which is called the Cape Argus.
Just a little story on how I bought my Cape Argus last night. I went through to the petrol station at about 10pm last night to buy a pack of Endearmints, those soft chewy ones that get me all happy in pants. While I was there I obviously thought it fit to stock up on “Gladiator” condoms, made by God knows who. Just in case my friends ex decides to knock on my door again at 3am. Crazy bitch.
So anyway, I buy all this shit and while I was on my way home, I got stuck behind an ADT car at the robots. Anyway, the robots went green and this ADT dude took off very slowly around the corner. Then he virtually came to a standstill and hooted. I thought he must be on an early evening Tik binge. Then he put his arm out the window and waved me past. I thought “Shit, what a nice man” So I put my foot down and shunted past him at a rate of knots. Then I flashed my hazard lights to say “Thanks buster” At this point I realised that I am a complete fuck up, because the guy was actually making such a fuss because I had not turned my lights on. Gosh. Idiot!
So I got home, ate half a pack of those mints, which is probably why I had such cotton mouth this morning, and then read the paper. Actually my friend Mike came round to drop off a birthday present and we had a good laugh about those “Bentley belts” that kids used to use to stay afloat in the pool. I actually have a fucking funny article to write on that.
In the paper I was quite intrigued by this Coldplay thing at the moment. Apparently the tree huggers are working on a song that is “genius” and we have to hear it “before we die” This is actually the cleverest piece of marketing I have ever heard of. When you release an album and make this sort of statement, people are going to want to buy it, because it's a piece of history. I don't recall Bono ever saying this about any one of his songs. All I hear from him is mutterings about AIDS in Africa and occasionally he sings us a little song in between his fucking whining. As one of the Gallagher brothers said “Shut the fuck up”
Seriously though, I can't wait to hear this song now. It's keeping me awake at night. Granted, I will never buy the album, but hopefully my friend Lex will download it then I can steal it from him and put it straight onto my iPod. Great.
Another story that is fucked is the one about the rapist in Hermanus. I won't go into too much detail because stories like this with rape, crime and shit don't really do it for me. Apparently the chick who caught the rapist just got him plastered when he broke into her house. First she offered him food then he said he wanted wine. So she poured him three mugs of papsak. If you don't know what papsak is, it's box wine. Basically you p*#s the papsak in about an hour, then when you are ready to pass out, you blow the sak up and use it as a pillow. Quite an ingenius design really. And you can then use the box to throw over your birds head, if she is a bit of a munter. It should actually win a design award somewhere in the world.
Then in the article is says
“Back at the house, the nephew pounced on Mowers(The rapist).
He fought back and Mentou (The wine giving chick) leapt on him too-pinning him down with her considerable frame. They called the police and waited”
CONSIDERABLE
FRAME
HA! Nice one, Cape Argus, considerable frame as in overweight! This is crazy. Even more crazy is the story. Who the fuck breaks into a house, falls into the trap of getting hammered, and then passes out. Seriously, I want to believe this story, but it sounds too simple to be true. I don't have an explanation for how it could really have happened but I bet it's far from what this story is.
This is one for MythBusters. Or just drunken tik fuelled stories that you will tell your kids one day around the fire while you do mescallin and sniff glue and shit.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
I saw my father
I stayed up late enough last night to see my father on that show he hosts. Late night with Conan 'O Brien. He is just bizarre. Anyway if you have not seen the phenomenon that is my daddy, then check it out HERE:
Here are some quotables from this week:
Britney Spears's manager is denying reports that Britney passed out on New Year's Eve and instead says she was exhausted and fell asleep after leading the New Year's Eve countdown. When asked why she was so tired, Britney said: "Countin' is hard!"
The other day in Spain, a 67-year-old woman gave birth, making her the world's oldest new mother. Reportedly the mother and baby are doing fine, but the doctor is still nauseous.
While not funny on the surface, when El Conando tells them, you will be going completely nuts. I nearly ate my microwave last night. With the cat in it. Clearly not funny.
I think on his site, and great if you are abusing the internet at work, because you get paid such shit from your boss and you need to use all his internet to feel that you have any worth, and any soul, that you can now watch his episodes on the internet. GENIUS!
Go have a look, just don't look at any of his stuff when Kate, the office hottie is around, because you will get a semi. Actually, you might want to get one when Fire, the office whore is around. So happily check this site out if she is within arm, or Johnson, length. Ha, I said length. God, I should be 10 years old.
Here are some quotables from this week:
Britney Spears's manager is denying reports that Britney passed out on New Year's Eve and instead says she was exhausted and fell asleep after leading the New Year's Eve countdown. When asked why she was so tired, Britney said: "Countin' is hard!"
The other day in Spain, a 67-year-old woman gave birth, making her the world's oldest new mother. Reportedly the mother and baby are doing fine, but the doctor is still nauseous.
While not funny on the surface, when El Conando tells them, you will be going completely nuts. I nearly ate my microwave last night. With the cat in it. Clearly not funny.
I think on his site, and great if you are abusing the internet at work, because you get paid such shit from your boss and you need to use all his internet to feel that you have any worth, and any soul, that you can now watch his episodes on the internet. GENIUS!
Go have a look, just don't look at any of his stuff when Kate, the office hottie is around, because you will get a semi. Actually, you might want to get one when Fire, the office whore is around. So happily check this site out if she is within arm, or Johnson, length. Ha, I said length. God, I should be 10 years old.
Monday, March 05, 2007
Fear and loathing in Las Vegas
Friday came round and it was agreed that Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas would be a damn good film to see. Funny enough, I have heard about it, I have heard about the book, I know about Hunter S Thompson but I have never seen the film, nor read the book. So I watched the film on Friday, and then went out on the weekend to find the book. No one seems to stock it so I ordered it on Kalahari.net.
The movie is just too bizarre, especially the opening scene where they think bats are flying around the car. Even better is a scene where he thinks that everyone is dinosaurs. They consume drugs like you won't believe, and the movie is all about excess. The crazy thing is, it looks so fun in the movie, but would probably kill you or me. God, they were completely mad.
If Hunter was like that, and from what I have read about him, he was, then he really is unique. How someones body puts up with so much abuse is beyond me. He reached his sixties, and then died because he shot himself. You can't believe that the drugs did not kill him. If a normal person had to re-create one day in his life, I have no doubt that they would die. I would.
It's one of those stories that is cool to see playing out, because it's something you can't really relate to. It's fun to watch, fun to see how some people lived and it's crazy that Hunter was actually paid to live so excessively. That was his job: being completely excessive and always drugged up.
You have to watch the film, but apparently it's better reading the book, to see the words Hunter put down on paper. I should be getting the book soon and will read it, then let you know. But as with the movie, it's something that can't be explained and you just have to see it for yourself.
The movie is just too bizarre, especially the opening scene where they think bats are flying around the car. Even better is a scene where he thinks that everyone is dinosaurs. They consume drugs like you won't believe, and the movie is all about excess. The crazy thing is, it looks so fun in the movie, but would probably kill you or me. God, they were completely mad.
If Hunter was like that, and from what I have read about him, he was, then he really is unique. How someones body puts up with so much abuse is beyond me. He reached his sixties, and then died because he shot himself. You can't believe that the drugs did not kill him. If a normal person had to re-create one day in his life, I have no doubt that they would die. I would.
It's one of those stories that is cool to see playing out, because it's something you can't really relate to. It's fun to watch, fun to see how some people lived and it's crazy that Hunter was actually paid to live so excessively. That was his job: being completely excessive and always drugged up.
You have to watch the film, but apparently it's better reading the book, to see the words Hunter put down on paper. I should be getting the book soon and will read it, then let you know. But as with the movie, it's something that can't be explained and you just have to see it for yourself.
What we read
Mother of God, there was a lot of rubbish in the papers over the last few days.
Stuff that made me think:
On Saturday I think eight, or nine people won the lottery. I have never really believed the lotto to be a scam, as many people I know have. But this has made me think. How the fuck do nine people win, on the one occasion when it is a guaranteed R35 million? It sounds seriously fucked to me, like executives from Uthingo are getting tickets for their best friends. Nine people winning, on the biggest jackpot, just does not sound right.
Golf: A South African, Anton Haig, 20 years old, won the Johnnie Walker Classic over the weekend, pocketing a cool $405,000 which is about R3 million. Not bad considering his friends might be earning R300 a night delivering pizzas or something like that. R3 million is not bad for a weekend on the course.
I also read about an underwater ice hockey game being played in the frozen White Lake sea in Austria. Clearly the effects of Tik stretch much further than Cape Town.
If you were watching Titanic last night on Movie Magic, you will know that Leo is THE man. Shit, how he must watch that movie and wish for those old days. A little less portly than he is these days, chicks going ballistic over him, and being King of the World. It must have been completely off the hook. Well I guess now he had dated Gisele and Bar Rafaeli so life turned out pretty sweet.
Now I'm watching Stuck on You, and Eva Mendes has just graced herself at the pool and I think I'm getting a semi. No really, my computer has just been knocked off the table. It's too crazy.
I think I need to sleep more.
UPDATE: Has anyone been watching Deal or no Deal? Because I don't know where they find the models to hold the briefcases, but I get excited everytime. I have only seen two shows, and the girls have not disappointed. They are seriously smoking hot.
Stuff that made me think:
On Saturday I think eight, or nine people won the lottery. I have never really believed the lotto to be a scam, as many people I know have. But this has made me think. How the fuck do nine people win, on the one occasion when it is a guaranteed R35 million? It sounds seriously fucked to me, like executives from Uthingo are getting tickets for their best friends. Nine people winning, on the biggest jackpot, just does not sound right.
Golf: A South African, Anton Haig, 20 years old, won the Johnnie Walker Classic over the weekend, pocketing a cool $405,000 which is about R3 million. Not bad considering his friends might be earning R300 a night delivering pizzas or something like that. R3 million is not bad for a weekend on the course.
I also read about an underwater ice hockey game being played in the frozen White Lake sea in Austria. Clearly the effects of Tik stretch much further than Cape Town.
If you were watching Titanic last night on Movie Magic, you will know that Leo is THE man. Shit, how he must watch that movie and wish for those old days. A little less portly than he is these days, chicks going ballistic over him, and being King of the World. It must have been completely off the hook. Well I guess now he had dated Gisele and Bar Rafaeli so life turned out pretty sweet.
Now I'm watching Stuck on You, and Eva Mendes has just graced herself at the pool and I think I'm getting a semi. No really, my computer has just been knocked off the table. It's too crazy.
I think I need to sleep more.
UPDATE: Has anyone been watching Deal or no Deal? Because I don't know where they find the models to hold the briefcases, but I get excited everytime. I have only seen two shows, and the girls have not disappointed. They are seriously smoking hot.
Friday, March 02, 2007
Bosch boy injured at cricket
A friend, Andre, let me know last night of more information coming from the Bishops cricket match. By now we all know that BOSCH won the game, by 41 runs. no surprise there really, being the highly tuned team that we are.
But clearly Bishops can't cope with this so someone decided to throw something at our crowd.
After the game when our boys went to sing the school song, a grade 8 learner was hit in the face when something was thrown onto the field as they walked back. Later on a padlock was found on the field.
Clearly it must have been the padlock that hit him, because there is no chance that the padlock sat on the field the entire game without anyone knowing. And seriously, who the fuck throws a padlock? It's easy to lose an eye that way and just plain stupid.
I guess money can't buy class.
Well I think Bosch win 2-0 here. One point for the win, and one point for keeping it classy.
But clearly Bishops can't cope with this so someone decided to throw something at our crowd.
After the game when our boys went to sing the school song, a grade 8 learner was hit in the face when something was thrown onto the field as they walked back. Later on a padlock was found on the field.
Clearly it must have been the padlock that hit him, because there is no chance that the padlock sat on the field the entire game without anyone knowing. And seriously, who the fuck throws a padlock? It's easy to lose an eye that way and just plain stupid.
I guess money can't buy class.
Well I think Bosch win 2-0 here. One point for the win, and one point for keeping it classy.
Wonder Pizza
This can only be possible overseas!
The Wonder Pizza machine would make it's owner an absolute millionaire if it stood outside Tin Roof at night. Or anywhere in town really. Maybe put one outside the 24hr Woolworths in Gardens.
Basically, for $5(About R35) you can get a hot pizza in about 90 seconds. It holds 102 pizzas, each in their own sealed trays, and there are three topping choices, brilliant! So when you are fuck drunk, and that garage pie is looking like roadkill(Which it very well could be) then this is your ticket to sobriety(If I can use that word in this context)
This is what party peoples dreams are made of.
Whenever I am thinking up various clever inventions in my head, I always think "But everything has been done already"
Clearly I was wrong.
Never fear, I still have a few tricks up my sleeve.
Thursday, March 01, 2007
Stray reader
Somebody just left a comment, which I did not hesitate to publish, on my February 3 post on Joost and Amor. This is the comment, to save you having to look for the article:
Hi Sean
You're a little snot-nose arrogant bastard with alot to learn in life. Get a life because you look and act like a real loser.
It was sent in by anonymous. I'm keeping a nice little dictionary of all the things people have called me. "Tit, doos, snot nosed arrogant bastard"
I fear this comment is from a link from my GQ letter. An enlightened person who has lived life to the full and knows the value of money, unlike myself and Mike. I do have a lot to learn in life actually. I'm only 21 after all. Did you know everything in life at 21? I bet you didn't, you devil you! Or it could be from an angry Bishops boy, reacting to my post on how we won the cricket. Seriously, there is no need for anonymity on this site. I'm Sean. Everyone else posts with their name. You can call me what you like and I take no offence, I am who I am. Ask the guys from Joblog, God, they called me every name under the sun. I don't hate them for it though. I like it, because they are not afraid to speak the truth. Should we not all be like that? Snot nose arrogant bastard or truth teller? I tell things as my mind sees them.
Also, the people who read this blog have a filter in their brain that filters all the crap out that I write. They know when I am joking. Let me know what makes you think I am arrogant and I will tell you if it's true.
Wait a second! Joost, are you the anonymous poster? YOU DEVIL! What a naughty boy. Or was it you Amor? Come on guys, funny funny!
Seriously, we are all chilled here. We all now know of Mike. Now let us know who you are.
Are you from SA? Whereabouts? Come on, we want to know this stuff. Seriously, once you realise that this site is a whole joke your views on me will change. Or maybe they won't.
Remember boys, take it easy
And in the words of Jerry "If it's easy take it home"
UPDATE: Please go to my February 3 post to read another one of "Anonymous" comments. I don't really have the time to copy and paste the comment, and I'm not really too interested either. Because in any case, I win. The whole game.
Hi Sean
You're a little snot-nose arrogant bastard with alot to learn in life. Get a life because you look and act like a real loser.
It was sent in by anonymous. I'm keeping a nice little dictionary of all the things people have called me. "Tit, doos, snot nosed arrogant bastard"
I fear this comment is from a link from my GQ letter. An enlightened person who has lived life to the full and knows the value of money, unlike myself and Mike. I do have a lot to learn in life actually. I'm only 21 after all. Did you know everything in life at 21? I bet you didn't, you devil you! Or it could be from an angry Bishops boy, reacting to my post on how we won the cricket. Seriously, there is no need for anonymity on this site. I'm Sean. Everyone else posts with their name. You can call me what you like and I take no offence, I am who I am. Ask the guys from Joblog, God, they called me every name under the sun. I don't hate them for it though. I like it, because they are not afraid to speak the truth. Should we not all be like that? Snot nose arrogant bastard or truth teller? I tell things as my mind sees them.
Also, the people who read this blog have a filter in their brain that filters all the crap out that I write. They know when I am joking. Let me know what makes you think I am arrogant and I will tell you if it's true.
Wait a second! Joost, are you the anonymous poster? YOU DEVIL! What a naughty boy. Or was it you Amor? Come on guys, funny funny!
Seriously, we are all chilled here. We all now know of Mike. Now let us know who you are.
Are you from SA? Whereabouts? Come on, we want to know this stuff. Seriously, once you realise that this site is a whole joke your views on me will change. Or maybe they won't.
Remember boys, take it easy
And in the words of Jerry "If it's easy take it home"
UPDATE: Please go to my February 3 post to read another one of "Anonymous" comments. I don't really have the time to copy and paste the comment, and I'm not really too interested either. Because in any case, I win. The whole game.
Bishops/ Bosch day/night cricket
I had an sms a few days ago from Jerry saying that it was the Bishops/Rondebosch day night cricket at Bishops. Always keen to go show my face in the enemies backyard, I thought it was a good idea. So we were on. Like Donkey Kong. Bee-atch.
On the day a couple of things knocked my schedule off. The VR3 was behaving in a strange manner. It honestly sounded like someone was starting their boat engines in the street. Maybe a bit louder even. Now from experience we all know the VR3 is a highly tuned piece of equipment, and it never fails. So I took it to Tonnesens in Rosmead Avenue(The only place to go. When I go to other places it always seems like they are trying to rip me off., Kenilworth. The vibe at Tonnessens, which I'm spelling completely wrong I think, is like the vibe at a good friends house. The vibe at other places is like a chop shop, or a place where you know you will be offered drugs or sold to a prostitution ring. One place like this is, I think it's called Pit Stop in Kenilworth. Don't go there. They will steal the loaf of bread out of your car)
Anyhow, I had to get the silencer fixed, and once it was done the VR3 was purring like the beast that it is. It truly is a lifestyle.
So I sent it through to Bishops to meet Mike, but I arrived early and was surrounded by Bishops people pumping their music out of their cars that their parents dodgy business deals bought them. I was not perturbed by this whole scene, and I sat there, leaning on the VR3, with shorts, sandals, a smart black shirt and my Rondebosch old boy's tie. Kicking it old school. Then I saw a Ford sending it through the Bishops racing straight...and by George, it was Mike. Mike, I think Bishops has a speed limit that is less than 100km/hr.
Mike got out of the car, and I was just waiting for the blinding lights and smoke machine to kick in, that's how rock star his entrance was. We ambled down to the field, and I was expecting to be greeted by hordes(Or whores, to be honest) of dirty school girls. I can't say I was that impressed. There was one dirty girl, but she had a boyfriend. Other than that there was nothing. There were the usual wannabe-gangsters, shouting such charming things as “No Ishmaal, yo poessss!” as the last three “s's” spluttered out through his passion gap. Then there were the usual fuck ups who were pushing in front of me and Mike in the queue. Mike is no tame boy, and I have no doubt that had these guys weighed more than a nickel, Mike would have hit them so hard that their DNA would be altered...forever. They would have become Neanderthals. Hey, Mike has made this happen. And he will make it happen again.
But we just acted all cool in front of these slobbering pricks. Then it was time to show what money can do. Some fucknut had pushed in front of us and bought two packs of liquorice and when the MILF behind the counter said it was R6, he realised he could not afford it. So he just asked for one packet. That was when I said “Yeah, we can pretty much afford anything we like” At which point Mike put away the R20 note he was going to use to pay for his Coke, and started looking for a R200 note. So he pulled out one R50 note, of about a dozen, and payed with that. Why? Because he fucking can. So in the end Mike won. Because he has a girlfriend, a job, a car, a girlfriend. And he is bigger than most people as well. Granted, it's unfair to have a money throwing contest with a 14 year old punk, but a fight won is a fight won.
Another funny thing is Mike's phone. He has myself and his girlfriend on speed dial, but not the police or ambulance or anything. What a tough man! (I shall not mention his girlfriends name, unless I get permission, as I believe she was a little less than impressed last time we had a poll and voted them the first to get married, or have kids or something. She may even be reading this. If they do have twin blonde daughters though they should probably ban me from visiting once the kids reach the age of 18. Hi guys!)
Jerry eventually arrived after his bird had decided which outfit to wear, which took up the better part of February. Then we took a look over to the other side of the field and saw some of the younger old boy's, absolutely inebriated. Cruising around the field with draught beers and cigarettes, it put a smile on my face. Their singing was actually louder than the schools. Give yourself a high five, boys.
We also noticed that Madiba was there, as per the photo. Amazing.
We were also constantly surrounded by gay people. At first I thought it was because of our dashing good looks. Then I just realised that they were regular Bishops boys.
Then afterwards we decided to give Lex a visit, at his place. He was just kicking back, having a braai, playing some drinking game called “Fuck the bus” Jerry ended up being the one having to “Fuck the bus” It's no surprise that he did that, because Jerry would pretty much fuck anything. Pulse negotiable. I'm in big trouble now.
We chilled there, Lex's brother Matt arrived, after hitting the cricket the entire day,and so he was clearly in need of a little pick me up. I have now lost the inspiration to write further as I left at this point. I needed my beauty sleep. And fuck me, it worked well. Because this morning I look good.
Yes.
I do look good.
Adonis like, some may say.
Most people still only believe I exist in myth.
Barman, make it Brutal
There is a lot to be said about men and what they drink. However one of the more profound things to be said is about to come out of my mind, onto my keyboard and onto your screen. Consider it history in the making.
I was out the other night and someone I know was smashing a Windhoek Light and I was fine with this. But then I remembered how many conversations have been had, and how many people have been ridiculed over what they drink. Girls can drink anything but guys must smash beer. Why exactly I don't know. As we know the excesses of beer don't exactly lead you to look like a Mens Health cover model and are not conducive to living to a decent age. And a beer belly won't exactly catch the attention of a supermodel unless you are
a) Hung like Ron Jeremy or Tommy Lee
b) Motherfucking rich
Anyway, I then thought back to the Fokofpolisiekar concert where I saw the lead singer, Francois van Coke, drinking a Brutal Fruit. Why the fuck not? If that's what he wants, then let him be. Everyone knows that a Brutal Fruit tastes fucking good, but not many guys will admit to ever having had one. They will always order a Castle, even though it is fizzy and bitter and disgusting. Windhoek or Amstel or Peroni are good. But if you don't like beer, then have a glass of wine, a cocktail, a cooldrink. Have we really become so wrapped up in our image that we let other peoples views dictate what we drink? I think we have.
If guys are only supposed to drink beer then surely we should also only eat steak? If a guy is seen drinking a Brutal Fruit then the usual comment is “That's gay” Then is it not “gay” if a guy is seen eating sushi, or God forbid, fruit of any kind? This article is very deep so bear with me. I am struggling.
I'm pretty confident with my sexuality, and if I wanted to drink a Brutal Fruit, and heard people saying that I was gay, I would not exactly turn around and believe them and suddenly head to Bronx in town. Does a 340ml bottle of liquid really determine our sexual preference?
I highly fucking doubt it.
So next time you are considering what to drink, don't think of what's cool. Think of what you want, what tastes good, and at least enjoy your drink and laugh at those fuckers pulling faces as they let another bitter beer, or a bad whiskey, hack down their throat like a razorblade.
Then walk up to the nearest belter, chat to her for 5 minutes and pull her with your charm, take her back to your apartment and give her a right seeing to. Then take her for breakfast the next morning in your Porsche Turbo and know that you are absolutely killing it. Then smile, laugh at those other tools and know that you have won. You have won the entire game. You probably don't even have to play anymore.
Barmen, get me another.
End note: I have a thing to wrote on the Bishops/ Rondebosch cricket last night, but it may take a while to write because I can't stop laughing at the fact that that we beat Bishops. Unlucky boys, try again next year.
I was out the other night and someone I know was smashing a Windhoek Light and I was fine with this. But then I remembered how many conversations have been had, and how many people have been ridiculed over what they drink. Girls can drink anything but guys must smash beer. Why exactly I don't know. As we know the excesses of beer don't exactly lead you to look like a Mens Health cover model and are not conducive to living to a decent age. And a beer belly won't exactly catch the attention of a supermodel unless you are
a) Hung like Ron Jeremy or Tommy Lee
b) Motherfucking rich
Anyway, I then thought back to the Fokofpolisiekar concert where I saw the lead singer, Francois van Coke, drinking a Brutal Fruit. Why the fuck not? If that's what he wants, then let him be. Everyone knows that a Brutal Fruit tastes fucking good, but not many guys will admit to ever having had one. They will always order a Castle, even though it is fizzy and bitter and disgusting. Windhoek or Amstel or Peroni are good. But if you don't like beer, then have a glass of wine, a cocktail, a cooldrink. Have we really become so wrapped up in our image that we let other peoples views dictate what we drink? I think we have.
If guys are only supposed to drink beer then surely we should also only eat steak? If a guy is seen drinking a Brutal Fruit then the usual comment is “That's gay” Then is it not “gay” if a guy is seen eating sushi, or God forbid, fruit of any kind? This article is very deep so bear with me. I am struggling.
I'm pretty confident with my sexuality, and if I wanted to drink a Brutal Fruit, and heard people saying that I was gay, I would not exactly turn around and believe them and suddenly head to Bronx in town. Does a 340ml bottle of liquid really determine our sexual preference?
I highly fucking doubt it.
So next time you are considering what to drink, don't think of what's cool. Think of what you want, what tastes good, and at least enjoy your drink and laugh at those fuckers pulling faces as they let another bitter beer, or a bad whiskey, hack down their throat like a razorblade.
Then walk up to the nearest belter, chat to her for 5 minutes and pull her with your charm, take her back to your apartment and give her a right seeing to. Then take her for breakfast the next morning in your Porsche Turbo and know that you are absolutely killing it. Then smile, laugh at those other tools and know that you have won. You have won the entire game. You probably don't even have to play anymore.
Barmen, get me another.
End note: I have a thing to wrote on the Bishops/ Rondebosch cricket last night, but it may take a while to write because I can't stop laughing at the fact that that we beat Bishops. Unlucky boys, try again next year.
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