Lieschen- Very, shall we say "Homegrown"

I love it how Sky News are going on about weed and how it can increase mental illness by up to 40%

Wicked!
I love these studies because the people doing them are old, they don't smoke, never have, and they don't really know what's cracking. If you want to know more about weed, speak to the people who smoke it.

I can hook you guys up with some of my friends.

Earlier on Sky News they were saying that smoking it once might mess you up, now they seem to have dropped that and this old chick is saying that smoking large amounts might affect you. Get the facts straight boys!

I know lots of people who still function while smoking various amounts and strengths of weed. The best thing to try do is hot a bong, then down a beer and do a shot of tequila...without exhaling! The results are hilarious!

Well...so I hear. You know...in the newspapers.

Anyway it reminds me of fear and Loathing in Las Vegas where Hunter Thompson thinks it is a joke that all these cops are coming together for a drug conference, when in actual fact they have no ideas what is going on. Speak to the drug users.

Same here. Speak to the people who smoke weed.

I always find it hilarious when these old people say things like "Chill with a spliff" as this old lady has just said. It's so cool! So funny as well if you watching it.

Look I'm sure we have all found ourselves in the unfortunate position of having "inhaled second hand smoke" as I would call it. We might have also been smoking the hubbly, and someone might have slipped some weed into it without us knowing.

You know...theoretically. The results are amusing as well.

I'm sure people do flip out, but the effects don't last that long(So I read in a Medical Journal)

I think they are making a big deal out of nothing.

By the way I saw Lieschen Botes at Tiger Tiger last night and decided to show her photo above. Good grief, she is amazing. I had to walk around doubled over the entire night, highly embarrassing naturally. And Victor Matfield was there with Schalk and Bryan Habana again on Tuesday. Odd considering it was a student night. Trying to pick up the young ones...tisk tisk boys.

You know I disapprove of that...

Don't do this

No seriously, don't type "Vida Guerra" into Google Image search.

I never advocate this type of stuff, and so you should not do it.

Seriously, don't.

I warned you

What an hilarious week!

Well not really, but quite a stupid one.

In sad news, for me at least, Alexandre Vinokourov has been found guilty of blood doping in the Tour de France. Every year it seems, since Lance Armstrong has left the tour, the tour gets even worse. It's reputation must now literally be in the gutter. What I don't understand is how these guys can still dope knowing that they will be caught. It's the world biggest bike race, for FUCK SAKES! Are these guys that stupid? To me these guys who use drugs are amongst the most stupid people on the planet. And yesterday I was so excited that Alexandre won, and now he goes and messes it up by failing his drug test which is from last Saturday. His whole team has quit the Tour and he has trashed his name. After so many years of good cycling, he has ruined his name and career in one swift drug test. Well done, that's awesome: Read the story HERE

In other news you may already know that Britney Spears seems to be on tik, or crack, or diesel or something. Because she is all fucked up! Those are the only words to describe it! And it seemed like just yesterday that I was reading on 20ceansvibe an article entitled "Britney about to go bonkers again" and a sentence saying "I think we're in for a cracker this time round" How correct Seth!

Her latest stint had her reportedly wiping grease on a Gucci dress after eating chicken. She is also reported to have picked up her dog's shit with a Chanel dress.

I actually love it! We are in for a cracker indeed! Britney seems to have totally lost it now, she may as well move to Moscow. You know, get away from it all for a while. Even that tool ex-husband-white-trash-singing-wannabe- bitch seems to be in better shape than her. Oooooh...can you imagine what a mess her child is going to be! Considering that both her parents HATE to abuse the drugs! Shame poor child...his mom once was hot, she once was stable in her life, and she once had people loving her. Now she is cooked, from the inside out. Good work Britter, you crazy bee-atch.

Lindsay Lohan was arrested again a few days ago for drunk driving, and having a bit of cocaine on her. And I think maybe driving on a suspeded licence. Crack-ho. Nothing new there then, fairly regular story. Will they tell us when she is NOT on drugs, because that will be news.

This week is blowing my mind into a million pieces. It's all too much for me right now, I'm going to go sit down, relax and take this all in. If that is at all possible.

Read the train wreck of Britney Spears HERE

Sean takes the Black Horse for a gallop...

Why the FUCK can I not post a photo on this blogger thing? It's highly irritating me and I was looking at a takeover of Google, but if they can't sort out their "Blogger" site, I might just stop the transfer. Oh well, that means I will have $10 billion more in my bank account. However shall I spend it?

To new readers, that was a joke, I'm not really that rich. Currently my bank manager is telling me that I am IN something called "debt" Never heard of it. I'm waiting for the day that he tells me that I am IN Gisele Bundchen, the worlds top earning supermodel. Paste this link: http://www.news24.com/News24/Entertainment/Celebrities/0,,2-1225-2108_2149302,00.html
Apologies for not directly linking this, but Blogger is toy-toying with my head by not working.

Anyway, I don't really know what to say which is the reason for me sitting up by myself, with a Black Horse and coke. Oh you don't know Black Horse? Well it's vodka, R32,50 a bottle. They also make cane, gin and vodka. All R32,50 a bottle. Available at the bottle store near Coimbra, near Kenilworth in Cape Town. Probably wrecks your body, but makes you feel happy nonetheless. I'm at top speed right now.

So I was thinking, what makes a good vodka? I mean, there is shit at Makro for like R150 a bottle. But really, after 2 drinks(I'm a feather weight) I can't tell the difference between vodka and horse jizz. At Tiger Tiger I have one double vodka and creme soda and I can't tell the difference between right and wrong, and often find myself ogling 16 year olds. Clearly wrong...but with that drink...oooooh so right! Anyway...I should keep that on the down low.

As I ramble on I forget what I came here to write. This heartburn is killing me so I think I will pop to my medicine cabinet and in between the tik and acid...and rohypnol and eye drops...and beaver tranquilizers...I will quietly drink an entire bottle of Gaviscon to douse this fire in my heart. It's burning so much...but that could be from a broken heart after I realised that no one really loves me. Shit....life is a bitch...and then you become fuck off rich and the people who laughed at you suddenly want to hang out with you and touch you and be your friend and help you and let everyone know that you know them...well you get the point.

Shit tonight is hectic.

I'm thinking of a huge party tomorrow night but my wingman has left for Port Alfred until next week and because I am the youngest child I am very shy and too nervous to speak to girls(This is a well known trait of youngest children...being shy) and I...I need another Black Horse. Shit, I really need a wingman for tomorrow night at Tiger. I don't know how to deal with the masses of woman...and some guys...who flock to touch me, because so many people believe that I am a mystical figure who only exists inside this one dimensional screen on the internet.

So many people actually believe I am fake, it's quite disturbing.

I must post this photo, not to rate or anything, but I was tagged with some fox called Sarah on Facebook. I think the photo was taken at Wadda. She is so hot, pity she never remembers me and looks at me like I have just taken a piss on her new dress when I say hello. Facebook is wonderful, it's like a backup memory for the parts of the night you forget!


I was leaving a message on Shaun Oakes(www.shaunoakes.com) message board vibe, when I was replying to a comment by Annique. Anniques homepage was listed as some sort of dating site, and when I clicked on it, the first mynx I saw was this fox called sweet chilli17. Then, when I just went to news24, there was a thing on the site saying dare to meet me or something. And it was this same fox! I hate internet dating things, it's quite blind. But fook me, this girl is hot. Apparently she is just looking for friends, but she is rather easy on the eye.

Intriguing. You can see her on http://www.love2meet.co.za/s/view/1330053/a/367/
Sorry I can't make a direct link, Blogger is fucked. So am I it seems. Black Horse.

I'm sure I will do another intense post in 10 minutes or so while I go the to Engen to buy another coke

Until them my loved ones

I love all of you

Captain Jack

Drunk driving

Wow, today seems to be a day of inspired writing! And for once it's not all rubbish, but I feel quite intelligent today.

I am patting myself on the back

Lovely.

Ok onto the article.

I feel this needs to be said, even though it may be obvious.

Don't drink and drive.

I remember when I was younger and I would hear stories of my older sister and how friends of her friends had been killed in drunk driving accidents. At the time it never really affected me as I was young, too young to drink or even worry about this stuff.

However as I have gotten older, these accidents have just got closer and closer to me. In the past few months I know of two serious accidents where guys were seriously injured, due to drunk/irresponsible driving. The latest story I heard was that a friend of some of my friends was killed on Friday in an accident. This however was not a drunk driving accident. I don't want to go into it as I don't know the whole story, but reckless driving just cannot go on. Maybe Fridays accident was just that, purely an accident, but the point is that someone died. People are getting killed and it seems that it is happening all the time now. Reckless/fast driving is just as deadly as drunk driving.

Personally, in Cape Town, I think the cops have been doing a fine job of clamping down on it, especially outside night clubs. In Claremont I always see police patrolling outside the clubs and on Friday when I was there they even had security walking through the parking area, keeping a check on things. They have gotten so strict that people are too scared to drive, even after one or two drinks, when they may be under the legal limit still. I won't lie, I have driven drunk before, and I bet so have many of us. However, in the past few years my friends and myself have refused to drive drunk. We won't get into a car with drunk drivers and I was chatting to BMP about a mates 21st birthday coming up this Saturday. The party is near BMP's house and the first thing he said was "It's cool to stay at my place in case any of us is too drunk" For us it's become the first thing we think of. "How are we getting home?" BMP even got a lift back home a while back because he was quite spent, and his mom had to drive him back to his car in the morning, after which he went to work! But that's cool, he's a responsible guy for doing that.

And you have to be strict. About two years ago a friend of mine wanted to drive back to Durbanville from my place in Claremont. We wouldn't allow him and he started getting furious with us, that we were questioning his ability to drive. It ended up with him swearing at us because BMP had taken his keys away. Clearly he was drunk, and he later said he was out of line. The point is, you need to be strict. If a mate says he can drive, when he clearly can't, you need to lay down the law. Don't just give up and say "Fine, go ahead, drive if you want"

Because if that friends gets killed on the way home you will never be able to forgive yourself.

With my mates it's known that at any time of the night, if you are too drunk or have missed a lift, give one of us a call and we will pick you up. No problem, that's what friends are for. There are no points, or "hero" status for driving drunk. I think it's a problem in SA, where guys are too "manly" to not drive just because they are drunk. To me it screams more of "immaturity" if someone wants to drive drunk.

The situation is getting bad though, and there is only so much the cops can do. We need to be responsible for our own actions, the traffic police are not there to hold our hands every second of the day.

So be safe.

I never lie

Contrary to popular belief, I don't actually lie on this blog. If I did I would make up stories about me doing coke off a dead Filipino hooker. Obviously not Coca Cola, but cocaine...

Anyway it was fairly amusing then that I had an e-mail(An E-MAIL, not even a comment-madness) today questioning whether I had really seen Bryan Habana, Rassie Erasmus and Fourie du Preez at Tiger Tiger the other night.

So I went onto the mynx that I was dancing withs Facebook page and pulled the photo of Fourie off it.

I have the photo on my computer, but for some reason "Blogger" won't allow me to put a photo up. But when it works I will throw it on, as proof.

Until then my people...

Amstel on my mind

Clever hey? As in "Am still on my mind" Like "Amstel beer is still on my mind" Whatever.

I'm not an advertising guru but as I learn more, as my mind matures, I do actually learn some things along the way in this game of life. I always used to wonder why Coca Cola, of which everyone in the world knows of it, still do advertising? Same with Pick 'n Pay, who always put flyers in my letter box, pretty much constantly. Basically it is to make sure that these companies are fresh in your mind and you never forget them. If they stopped advertising, smaller comapnies could start pumping out the ads, and subconsciously, over time, you would start seeing their logo more in your mind and go shop there. Or something like that.

And so it brings me to the point of Amstel beer, and that they are being quite sneaky. And clever. We all know that Hansa Marzen Gold is basically the competition, and now that there is no Amstel in SA, they are trying to chip into Amstels market dominance. I have seen them doing promotions at places such as Tiger Tiger and I see their boards at Forres in Cape Town. Now while Hansa are a visual presence in bars, Amstel are maintaining their presence in the newspapers. They have ads saying things such as "After reading this ad you will be 15 seconds closer to your next Amstel". Their ads go along those lines. Now it got me thinking. While I don't drink much beer, and if I do I will have a Windhoek, the brand that is the freshest in my mind at the moment is Amstel.

To me this is genius. Here is a beer that is not even currently available, and yet it is still the one being talked about and seen. It's presence seems to be still quite strong in our minds. Hansa on the other hand don't seem to be keeping their presence up, other than by being stocked at various places. And while it is clever that the new Hansa looks like Amstel, did the Hansa crew ever think that people would say "But it's basically the new Amstel" You see, even though they may be drinking Hansa, they still talk about Amstel.

So Amstel is probably being spoken about with nearly every Hansa that is being bought, and this keeps Amstel fresh in everyones minds. So when it returns, people will not ever really think it had disappeared because they were still talking about it. And then, what Amstel hope, is that all their original drinkers will once again turn to Amstel. I have no doubt this will happen.

I think that's all quite clever.

Amstel, you guys impress me.

And once again, we finish off another conversation with the word "Amstel"

Amstel fresh in our minds

Sheer genius

A few thoughts...

...have been bouncing around in my fairly empty head. I thought I would put them on the internet.

There has been a story going around for a while, I'm not sure if it's just in Cape Town, or on the internet, but it's hilarious. I think I heard it from BMP. Basically, some dude was out at a club, or bar, and he was on the toilet, just chilling there minding his own business.

Then some guy comes running into the bathroom about to be sick, slams the first toilet stall door open, and this guy happens to be sitting there, and he gets vomited on. Now the guy who vomited on him obviously did not do this on purpose, but anyway, nervous that the guy on the toilet is going to get pissed off and beat him up, he punches the guy on the toilet in the face! CRAZY! Imagine sitting on the toilet, some guy vomits on you, and then punches you in the face! I don't think I could deal with that, it's so filthy! Well as I say, not sure if it's true. Just imagine this was you...I can't quite cope.

Then another thing that has been bugging me is beggars at the traffic lights. I'm a pretty decent guy, but I cannot stand being asked at literally every single traffic light for money! It's getting pathetic, and I hate having to be nice to these guys at every traffic light. I don't want to have to say more than once "No thanks" I really don't want to have to have a whole story about why I'm not giving these guys money every time my car comes to a standstill.

I know they obviously desperate, but I get quite bleak with them. You always hear stories of people saying that people with money are rude to beggars by not even looking at them, but seriously, some days you are just not in the mood to look at these people. If you drive a car, you get asked the same question maybe 30 times a day if you drive a lot. It gets tedious. It's like a kid asking "Are we there yet?" every 5 minutes in the car. You are bound to snap sometime.

Also, we cannot possibly help every person on the planet. In SA we are expected to pay everywhere we go. Park at a shopping centre, it's like R6 an hour. Park anywhere else, some beggar wants R2. Park somewhere else, a car guard is there. We cannot honestly be expected to pay everyone we see, as it's literally not financially viable.

I honestly think that these car guards at big shopping centres should be paid for by the centres. If I am a paying shopper, safe parking should be a given. If i am going to be parking my car at your centre, I should be safe. I just think this thing of car guards is out of control, and I believe many people pay way too much every month on car guards, and if you think, not too long ago there were no car guards, and most of us got by just fine.

Even worse is the car guards, especially at Spar in Rosmead Avenue, Cape Town, who expect you to pay them when you have literally been there 5 minutes. That's no joke, 5 minutes and they want money. Then when you don't pay them they look at you as though you are a criminal.

It's getting crazy.

Other than that I hope everyone is watching the Tour de France, our Robbie Hunter is doing remarkably well, and I nearly cried the other day when he narrowly missed out on a stage win, coming in 2nd place. We need him to get a win. It's the mountain stages now, but in the final days there will be some more sprints and hopefully he can pull out some serious pace for a win.

Well then...until next time


Oh also...if you are in Cape Town on the 20th January 2008, book a ticket out. I think that is the correct date. To be honest, I'm thinking of leaving for the whole week.

I can't possibly stand to be in the same city as Whore Spice, that one married to Becks. I feel as though Cape Town is being violated by them being here.

What did Cape Town do to deserve this?

Cant they do a tour to Guam? Or the North Pole?

It's heart breaking

Drunk in Claremont? Terrible

I was driving through Rondebosch the other day and saw a newspaper poster on a light pole saying something like "Merryweather was drunk"

For those of you not aware, Andrew Merryweather was beaten up at a petrol station in Claremont and is now paralysed. What is crazy is that the newspapers feel the need to put this up on a sign post. If you read the article, you will see that an attendant at the petrol station testified and said Merryweather was drunk. That's fine.

But the way the newspapers make it come across is that it is a problem that Merryweather was drunk. They will say they are not doing this and are merely reporting the facts. I think the fact that he was drunk is not important at all, not important enough to make it onto newpsaper boards.

This does not necessitate beating someone so badly that they are paralysed. This is bullshit. The kids who beat him up need to harden up and stop hiding behind their rich parents. Because money doesn't buy class, and it should not buy your way out of jail.

Let's see what the trial will make of it.

Tiger Tuesday

I was, while replying to a certain Shaun Oakes, Cape Town's favourite son, that I actually have not written here for a while. I am rejecting my very heart and soul, my readers! I love you all. Yes YOU...and YOU. And there are only two of you.

Anyway I was chilling the other day at Tiger, Tiger Tuesday. So I'm sitting at the bar(No...I was standing) and I see some dude next to me who looked remarkably like Bryan Habana, the guy who plays that sport. I think it's called rugby, maybe pronounced "Ugby" It might be a silent "R" It's a fairly new sport, where you basically run with a ball for an extended period of time, in order to touch the ball over a line and kick it through a pole.

Personally this is bullshit to me, and I doubt whether the sport will ever take off. I mean, imagine having an "Ugby" World Cup? Ludicrous!

So I asked this little mynx I was with if it was him. At this point I realised I looked remarkably girly, as I was asking a girl if that "dude" was Bryan Habana. Very bad for my image.

So then, and this is true, I start joking around going "Oh my GOD, it's Bryan Habana" and I was batting my eyelids and stuff. So this guy, who I thought was random, looks at me as though I have just had sex with a sheep. Anyway, I forget about him as I think he is some punk boy, until i realise what I have done the next morning.

I went onto this mynx's Facebook page, and saw the photos from the night. The random guy in question was Fourie du Preez! If that's how you spell it? I am a complete idiot.

So anyway, back to the bar story. Bryan Habana was ordering a Malibu and something I think, and he kept looking my way as though I must acknowledge him. I mean, I was pretty close to him, pretty much touching. I think maybe he was just nervous. But I was not going to go "Oh Bryan Habana right?" No. screw that. He was lucky to be in my enigmatic presence. He was clearly in awe of my power, looks, women mingling around me and so on and so forth.

Then I turned around, with my double vodka and Creme Soda(R10 I think, crazy) and I saw Rassie Erasmus. I'm not really too interested in him as he is not a real celeb like Becks. So I won't talk about him.

What I must mention is the girls we were with were crazy. Myself and Charlie V had to entertain 7 girls by ourselves, and obviously we did because we are just hilarious.

But by 1am I was so tired of seeing boobs, making girls laugh and just being awesome that I left.

I don't know why I just wrote this post, but I did.

Anyway, hopefully next week brings more intelligent stuff.

Take it easy

And if it's easy, take it home

Sunset Tan- Hilarious

I can't believe I actually watched this last night- but I had to. Sunset Tan on E! Entertainment is the most pathetic show ever! It follows the antics of the people working at a place called sunset tan, I believe in L.A. Yesterday's show had a little kid coming in, probably about 13 years old, and her mom wanted her to get a tan for her class photos as she said the previous year she looked a little pale. Fook me! Are you serious? So they spend like $1300 on this girl, to get her tanned. That is the most pathetic thing I have ever heard of.

All the people going in and out of there are obviously tanning addicts, as many of them were various shades of orange. It's such a pathetic reality show, and I always hate it that I actually watch this shit. I'm shocked.

I am lucky however that I have this bronzed skin like Achilles of Troy all year round. It's one of the benefits of being a descendant of various Greek God's and Goddesses.

And this cut body

Zim is trashed

In news that was not really news breaking, we hear that Zimbabwe has collapsed. Well it's not surprising really consider the idiot who runs the place.

But Zimbabwe is an interesting case, because it is so messed up, so beyond repair, that it needs to start again. To me, I'm no political person, but what do you do about Zimbabwe? Everything has crashed. By the end of this week there will be no food and no fuel. Their money is worth nothing and they are the poorest millionaires on the planet. What Zimbabwe needs to do is start again. You need to pretend that Zimbabwe never existed and act as though that piece of the planet has just been discovered. There is no possible way to fix it and in essence, you need to let the place self destruct.

I think it's sad for all the people there, and it is the government who have caused all the people all their suffering. We see a place where there is literally no food. No fuel. There is nothing they can do about it. It is in disrepair and what is happening now is inevitable. It had to happen and it is now happening, and I guess we will just see what happens as the week goes on.

Let's play

I was perusing, at my leisure, the website for Let's play as I had heard from a friend that they were wanting to get 1 million soccer balls from now until the 2010 World Cup. Basically, Let's play focuses on getting kids out and being active, in essence, getting out and playing. I think this is a fantastic idea, as kids are not getting out enough these days. Playing sports also allows them to focus their minds on something useful and socialises them. This keeps them(Well hopefully) off drugs and away from crime.

However, this campaign to raise 1 million soccer balls seems a bit odd. Apparently these balls are being collected to encourage "play" But why not do something more useful, like get donations and sponsors for soccer training clinics. This way our kids will have a chance at developing their skills and maybe even make careers out of sport one day. It will also help with soccer development in South Africa, as we will have a large group of young kids with the potential to be good players, if that is indeed what they want to do.

And where are these 1 million balls going? If we are just going to hand them out to kids, who are going to kick them on the street for a few weeks until they break, are we achieving anything?

It's just a thought really.