I am a genius

Last night we had a bit of a party at Tiger where I saw Lieschen Botes, the model. You might recall her from the Sports Illustrated swimwear edition. Or Google her. Anyway after bending it until after 2am, I hit Barcellos for a chicken burger where I also bought the GQ. I then went straight to the Victorias Secret section and saw our very own Alessandra Ambrosio.

I read further down in the article about her and it said that as a child she was insecure about her large ears and had them pinned back at age 11. I'm not joking. Buy the GQ. Realise that I found this flaw earlier.

Then praise me.

Then also be jealous that the photo above was taken on Clifton yesterday. It's winter here in Cape Town. And we still get the most awesome weather. Yes we do.

Life is good

Enjoy the weekend I can already tell it's Friday by the smell of cheap booze that permeates the air.

Take it easy

Interesting

Found THIS on The Cool Hunter.

Interesting.

I wonder how it affects your concentration on the road if you are going at speed?

Quite clever anyway.

Jonas Bendiksen: Satellites

This is quite an interesting looking book, and I saw this mentioned in GQ. Jonas Bendiksen travelled through the former USSR taking photographs and in Kazakhstan he found the wreckages of space rockets and he also found the people who salvage these rockets for scrap.

If you go to the website you will see two guys sitting on top of one of these rockets, with butterflies flying all around them. It really is one of the most awesome photographs I have ever seen. There you are out in the middle of nowhere and there are two guys sitting on a rocket that has fallen from the atmosphere.

And then there are the butterflies which give the photo an eerie feel, like something out of a movie. It's great because it's a photo you feel you have never ever seen. Probably because you never have seen something like this.

It makes a great change from the usual coffee table books and would be a great addition to liven up that old coffee table of yours.

Go HERE for more information on the book and how you can own it.

The other half

Just to make this whole picture clearer, let's have a look at Alessandra's competition for the most beautiful girl on the planet. It's Gisele.

Hell Gisele

You look fine today

Study the photos and then decide on one of them. Or, if your wealth and fame permits(Mine doesn't), you can have both of them.

I found the flaw

For years now I have told people that I WILL NOT marry, unless that marriage is to Gisele Bundchen. People know this. I always thought Gisele was the perfect person. Some people said her nose was too big, her eyes too this and that, but that all of her features put together made a pretty fine oil painting. Then people started coming to me with regards to a certain Alessandra Ambrosio.

For the past couple of weeks I have been studying her pictures in the June 2007 GQ (SA Edition) and had nearly come to the conclusion that I would marry her or Gisele. She was too beautiful. I never told anyone that I had a thing for her, as due to the circles I run in, she would probably find out and think I'm a fool for not letting her know. So I kept it quiet.

However, today I found it. Because I have many hours of leisure at my disposal, I read a lot. I was just reading through Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas again, and then turned my complete attention to studying these photos again. I wanted to prove everyone wrong.

Alessandra Ambrosio has a funny ear. I'm serious. This photo is from Google Image search and is the photo from GQ that I have in my hands. It may in fact be better to buy the GQ and hold the pictures close to you(Getting weird) Seriously, buy the GQ and have a close look at her ears. I know a friend who has this thing about feet(Mind you, I do too) So if a girl is smoking hot but has one odd toe, he will go off her. I don't have quite the same vibe with ears, especially not when they are attached to Alessandra.

However, I just thought I would make it clear that like Gisele(And her nose), Alessandra is not perfect. I also want to be credited as the person who first noticed this. I think I only saw it now as previously I had only been looking at her fantastic tits.

So I have found the flaw in the operating system that is Alessandra.

Mind you, if I were to be sitting in my hotel room at The Palms in Vegas, sipping on some gin and juice, and Alessandra had to walk up to me, naked, covered in oil, with a Mojito in her hand, and she said to me "Here Sean you SEXY FUCK(What happened there?), take a drink. And while you are at it, take me" Then, in this special situation, I would have to take her.

HOWEVER, this is the only situation I would have her in. In any other, less idyllic situation, I would definitely be put off by her ear.

Now click on the photo and study that ear.

But...I bet you still would.

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

I don't have much to write and so I thought maybe I would recommend something to read. The weather is not great and no one really works so it's good to watch DVD's and read stuff.

Like Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S Thompson- "A savage journey to the heart of the American dream"

It is about Hunter and his trip he took to Las Vegas to cover s car race. Anyway, you probably all know the story. He spends the money given to him by a magazine on drugs and gets completely out of shape. I love drug stories because they are so mad. Hunter spent his whole life being paid to cover things for magazines and in the process got completely off his head. He would do road trips and do drugs. It would seem that he was never in an office. He would drink beer while working, he was just living the life. And he knew lot's of people.

The book really is savage, but I enjoyed it and often find myself flipping to the front page where the first line reads:

We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold

Classic stuff. Buy it HERE, and have it delivered straight to your door, or office. Brilliant.

BULLSHIT!

I think we will all agree that THIS is bullshit!

Black owned

I'm always intrigued at this whole thing in South Africa what with quotas and BEE and the like.

However I think we are pushing it now.

We are being stupid, and while I don't just accuse people of being racist, I think this borders on it.

I see on a packet of Blue Ribbon bread that it says "Premier Foods- Largest 100% black owned company in SA"

So therefore a white person will never be allowed to be a part owner of this company. Not that it really bothers me, but what would happen if I had to start up an empire, and then advertise on it "54 Empire- Largest white owned company in SA"

Do you not think there would be cries of racism?

Every company these days seems to be having to have a certain amount of black employees and white and so on.

So why can Premier Foods get away with being 100% black, and why must they declare this on their packaging? Is it really necessary to put this out there, on the packaging?

Intriguing

Hardest man on the planet

I had always believed that Mike Horn was the hardest man on the planet.

Until I read the April 2007 issue of GQ and found out about Dean Karnazes. 50 marathons in 50 consecutive days. 563 kilometres without sleeping over three days. We have found the bionic man.

I managed to find the exact GQ article, which they had re-used, right over HERE.

Read it. Marvel at it. Ask "How?"

How can this stuff be possible?

Warning: Idol ahead

I have just been shocked whilst watching Prison Break. M-Net are now telling me that they are on their fourth season of Idols.

Fuck

What ever happened to our so called "Idols" Where is Anke? And Karin? Heinz still kicks it about for the simple reason that he is the entire package. He is easy on the eye. He has a voice. Do you think Britney Spears would have done as well as she did if she looked like Rosie O' Donnell? No, I don't think she would have. The voice is only a part of the idol.

It's no offence to anyone, but the fact is that people want an idol who is hot, good looking, a belter, whatever you will call it. It's what is in demand.

Let's not stuff it up again this time boys.

Battle at Kruger

Check this out. I doubt anyone will ever see thi

Heard on the town

This was heard at Wadda in Claremont the other night. A girl was walking away from us with quite a fit body. She then turned around and her face did not match her body profile. Some guy pipes up with this pearler:

"She's got a body from Baywatch and a face from Crime Watch!"

It's OK. You can laugh at this. Naturally, I, being quite a prominent, upstanding member of society, did not laugh. Instead, I rapped this silly boy on his knuckles and sent him out the door for making such a crude comment.

Yes

That's exactly what I did

He is back

Yes, I am back. It'd been a good break but I feel refreshed. Ahhh....that's better.

I know people don't care about my life, but would rather be interested in the well articulated, insightful articles that I write about life. Or something like it. Anyway, for you to gain greater insight into how and what I write, I must let you in to my life. You are some of the lucky ones who will read this. Not many people gain such great insight. Consider yourself blessed, my child.

Last we left off we went to Springbok Nude Girls at Madame Zingara, which was mad. That was Sunday. Today is Friday. Mayhem has ensued in between.

Before I carry on let me direct you to a article which I feel you need to read because it where I get inspiration from, and it is why I am so cool, calm and collected these days. It is quite an amazing piece, and works brilliantly.Get it HERE

The only problem is that it works too well. Sometimes I come across as seriously cool and chilled, but because I look at these girls like they are a 4, I kind of lose the plot. I talk to them like I don't really have time for them, and they are blessed to be in my presence. They actually think so highly of me that they believe they are out of my league! Like I am in a higher league! This is obviously not true as I am probably a 4 compared to the like of Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp. I go completely mad. Firstly I talk to them as though they are a 4 and then I come across as though I believe I am a 10. Arrogance radiates from me! I don't really want this, but it happens. Might have to change tactics.

You may have read the piece about kids these days being so dumb a few articles down. Anyway, we bumped into a pearler last night. My friend Charles pointed her out and said "Look it's Paris Hilton" She actually did have some Paris features, big sloppy bottom lip, blonde hair, quite tall, dumb looking. But she was mildly attractive until I said something to her. She looked at me as though I was a juvenile delinquent. She has clearly never been on the internet and seen the power I command over this city. She is lucky I never got her name as it would be all over the internet today and in about 5000 peoples homes. And she would never work in this city again.

But seriously though, she just came across as so dumb that I thought I was losing brain cells to her through some sort of osmosis thing. I'm not joking, she sounded so stupid that I believed she was some sort of alien. Unable to function on her own brain cells, she gets close to you in order to steal your brain cells by osmosis. She needs your brain cells just so she can have basic functions like breathing and walking. I think I lost 40 IQ points last night just being in her presence. Luckily my IQ is off the chart and I ca afford to lose lot's of points.

Then some chick tried to bite my bottom lip off. Don't worry, she will have no job today and if she was at college she will automatically fail. Because I say so.

We went to Sobhar last night to watch "jacSharp alongside Julia"(As my invite stated). She is actually rather good! She has this silky smooth voice, long flowing hair...wait...a...second. I must stop now. She is dating one of my good friends so I will not carry on. Sorry Lex. I love you all. No but seriously she is actually quite awesome, not just from a "She is dating my friend" sort of view.

I was actually at Woolworths with Brittany, the hot American girl, who is actually really one of the guys. Anyway Brittany wanted a mention here so I gave it to her. Now we will never stop mentioning her. So yesterday we were at Woolworths and Britter bought the new Glamour magazine and I saw Julia's name mentioned there, I think maybe they had a free CD or something. So Julia is doing quite well. It's nice to know that if my life turns out shit, I can still hang with the cool crowd.

I must watch Julia again because I was mildly distracted by Brittany and Danielle who joined us at Sobhar. Very naught of them. In between stroking their hair like the guy in Scary Movie(Take my strong hand! Oh child...the resemblance is striking...your eyes...the hair...the nose...) myself and Charlie V also managed to listen to Julia's vocals. We are multi taskers. Yeah so those two were distracting me the whole night wanting all sorts of things from me. As people do.

Danielle left early to go "study" I said I have no idea what study means but I let her know that she was looking quite serious and this "study" thing must have something to do with tracking down the FBI's 10 most wanted criminals. So I let her go. Her hand slipped from mine and I felt my heart fall to the ground and shatter. I hope you caught the baddies sweetie. Call.....me.....

Then Brittany was another story. Because I act like I am a 10, I come across as some sort of uber hero from Troy or 300. Brittany cannot handle me. She really can't. You must see how nervous she gets around me, and Jerry! It's quite cute actually. She says she is dating someone, but I think it's a lie. It calms her down thinking she is dating someone, and therefore she is not quite so nervous around me. But she still lies to herself, telling herself that she is in a relationship, so as not to fall madly in love with me. She knows once she falls in love with me, she will never fall out of it. She will have a greater chance of falling out of a Virgin Airways flight heading to Heathrow. Brittany really is a 10 though, even though she says she is a 7.3. And she has an American accent. High five! And she is American. Sexy times! Right...

I must quickly also mention that Arno Carstens is playing on the 24th June at The Green Dolphin(Whatever the fuck that is) at the V&A Waterfront. Time: 19:30. Call 021 421 7471 for details and the whole shindig.

I must also mention Levi's here because currently their T-shirts are sick. They have the best fit, the best designs, the best quality and the best price. I bought another one yesterday, my third one this year. They have quite a rock star edge to them, which clearly suits my lifestyle perfectly. One place to never buy at is Lee Cooper. I tried on a pair of jeans there yesterday, and I am quite a slim guy(But FUCKING ripped) and with the jeans on, I could not put my wallet into my pants. Talk about Bee Gees nut crackers. And they were low cut, so my Woolworths boxers were showing, and I felt like a porn star. Really, you are not going to find anyone much smaller than me so I don't know who the fuck they are catering for. I cannot fit into one of their shirts either, they hug my body like a coke whore hugs her coke. It's a pity really, because Lee Cooper are decently priced, have the SICKEST designs(Sort of a Diesel vibe), but they just have the worst fit ever. So we will refuse to endorse Lee Cooper. But Levi's are my boys. Except for their jeans, because they don't offer many in a bootcut anymore, which is stupid. Rather save up, go to Diesel at the V&A Waterfront and get yourself a true pair of rock star jeans.

That's it for now, I will post something later after I sleep, got home at 4am. Rock star.

Channel 4 News Team out.