Hey there

For this, go HERE

Tally-ho

Whatever the FUCK happened to...

As we come to the end of this blog(For real, we need to stop sometime for new things) we will finish off with some things I think need finishing off. Like...GOOSE! Can you believe this is Goose from Top Gun? Neither can I? When I decided to google "Anthony Edwards" I honestly thought he might have died. Because how he never became fuck off famous is a mystery.

As Goose in Top Gun, he was legendary. Singing "You've lost that loving feeling" in Top Gun guaranteed him women for an eternity! Not to mention the Ray Ban Aviators, Madiba shirt and his 'tache. Man, good memories.

It might also blow your mind that in 1998 he won a Golden Globe for best actor in a TV series for ER. I never knew that. And neither did you!

For loads more information on this prodigy, enigma or whatever you will, clickity click HERE

Awesome

Top Gun!

For this Top Gun post you will have to go to my other blog, in the links section. The reason I do this is that sometimes I write posts in Blogger and they won't post. I can't then save them in my Word program and re post them as blogger wont allow this. So I post them in "My other blog"

Genius

Brilliant

Do it

Our artillery receives a boost

As some of you may know I always carry around two sets of keys, a notebook, pencil, digital camera, iPod(Old school one), wallet, phone and sunglasses. This is the stuff I ALWAYS have one me, you never know when you need a camera. I need mine all the time to document my life for my "E! True Hollywood Story" And now I carry a Swiss Army knife it seems.

You see, this morning,after not going out last night and mingling with birds and smoking cigars that are no doubt not paid for, I felt empty inside. So I got in the car, went to Cape Union Mart and bought myself a Swiss Army knife for no apparent reason. I have no idea what to do with it now.

It really is odd that I would do such a thing.

Well I guess it will come in handy soon, and then I will tell you. Until then I'm wondering why I bought it.

Just your standard "Sex Fest"

Some of the more avid readers will have read another time about the club "@mospheer" having a "Bitch Fight" earlier in the year. Old boring feminists(Oh fok nou's ek in die kak!) wrote in to The Tatler saying that was atrocious and so on and so forth.

Because I am always on top of all the best parties in town I found this for you. A Sex Fest. Just another clean party where we can all sip hot chocolate and have a pillow fight.

Oh, and don't forget on Thursday 26 April Kelvin Grove are having their "Under 30's" party. There is now R50 entrance fee but I hear it gives us "extra special treatment" That's a lie, but it will be cool. Get there for about 8pm, I'm camping there on my usual recliner round the pool from about 11am.

But how about this kids!

A good old fashioned lingerie show and "Sex Fest" I saw this on that road, I can't remember what it's called, near Kelvin.

I unfortunately must miss this party as @mospheer sounds like a place where heavy artillery come standard and I frankly, well, "I choose life" I don't know where @mospheer is and I have no intention finding out. I don't like guns 'n drugs either.

Catch you out on the town.

Can you believe this?

Man, I love stories like this, because they are so strange! I have always loved real life ghost stories, but my favourite ones are these stories where ships are found, with everything in order, but no one on board. It fascinates me so much it's quite bizarre.

And so I have been treated to a story like this today.

A yacht was found drifting off the Great Barrier Reef, with the engine running, a laptop turned on and the radio and GPS still working. And, to freak you out more, there was food on the table.

The only damage was a shredded main sail.

Shit, I would have been so excited it would have been crazy.

Imagine you are a rescuer and you board this yacht, and no one is on it but it's as if they were a few moments ago. Like you are living a modern day mystery! I don't know why these things excite me so much, but it's crazy. It's just so mad to think that three people disappeared.

Check the photos and a video HERE on Sky

Check it, check it, let's all check it!

Check THIS post out bitches. NICE!

Woolworths Fruit Salad

I quite enjoyed this Fruit Salad that I just bought at Woolworths.

So through my intricate thought pattern, I created a story out of nothing. Amazing.

Kid comes home

"Mom, my ADHD is off the fucking hook!" (Insert: For Delft kids: "Mummie, my ADHD is mos in it's p%@s in!")

"Why sweetpea, too many sweeties?"

"No mom the psycholologist head person said I must eat more fruit to balance my blood sugar levels to even out my concentration. I ate four today and now I'm tripping balls and flipping my tit's into a sugary coma"

"Did the naughty teachers sprinkle crack rocks onto your salad honey?"

"No ma, Woolworths sold me this KAK fruit salad!" (Pulls out wrapper)

"Woolworths you MOTHER FUCKERS! Now I have to watch Johnny all night while my husband has now wasted another 2 Viagra's!"

That's the article really. Not too much to say on it. Don't think about it too much. My brain works differently to others. Or it's the combination of reading Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and consuming a few fruit salads. Or just a great writer.

That's good times folks...

Well done, boys

I must congratulate Smithers and the lads for absolutely punishing KP and the tykes yesterday. So well done. And here I doubted them with their boozing ways, what was I thinking! It's as if they knew my thoughts and wanted to prove me wrong!

Devils...

But it was a fuckshow of runs, wickets, and myself tripping out on a fruit salad, article to follow.

Now go get smashed boys.

Smith, you beauty!

You may know I have a mild fascination with Graeme Smith and his ability to booze and eat pies, and yet still be captain of the SA cricket side. You might enjoy this article on the Proteas getting all fucked up. I certainly did.

You might enjoy this quote from him quickly:

"I don't know what it is like to be seriously under the influence of liquor, so I can't say whether some of the players were seriously under the influence"

God, you're a comedian! You don't know what it's like to be really drunk? Must have forgotten the time you injured your ankle while "running" then?

That's good times.

Enjoy the Caribbean, it looks spectacular.

Ho ho ho and a bottle of rum...

Who are SL trying to be?

I have only ever bought Student Life once before, and that is the June 2006 issue. It is obviously aimed at students but the language goes over the top in the stereotyping way and gets embarrassing, which is probably the reason that I don't know anyone who reads the magazine. Students might seem dumb, but they actually have a fair amount of intelligence, believe it or not. And the language SL uses, caters towards the students who are so fucking stupid that I doubt they can read, negating the need for the magazine(Ok...I'm taking a harsh line here, but this magazine is mad)

In the letters section they say "You clever low-slung-jean-wearing irony-mullet-sporting guys have been sending in some cover mash up's that we schmaaked quite a bit"

Are they trying to mindfuck me right here? Who actually uses the word "schmaak"? Are they serious? Because this is not funny, it's quite embarrassing. The scary thing is the writers and editors are probably in their late 20's, and they are using words that they think students use. If a student used these words, I doubt he would be a student. I think this person would be a "drop out"

Highly embarrassing SL.

Another headline for something is "Ja lank"

Ja, like, lank bru, fuck off with your kak language SL.

Then they have a column type thing saying whats cool and what's not cool. In the not cool, or "down" as they call it, they put in the word "hectic"

Yeah, so hectic is out, but lank is in? Alrighteeeeeeee then...

I looked through the mag, and it's not too bad, but I don't think I would spend R19 on it again. In fact I won't. Not that it matters, just thought I'd let you know. Just throwing it out there. Use it. Lose it. Kick sand in my face when next you see me on Llandudno.

Now go buy GQ.

The man himself

I always talk about going to Tiger Tiger but you probably don't believe me. Anyway, this is a photo of me in my purest, most natural habitat. Clearly I am ice cool as usual, while Leandra(Don't worry Leandra I won't mention your name) is dumbstruck by my presence. Like I give off some magnetic resonance. So yeah, a little glimpse into my nighttime persona. Shit, it get's crazy at that place. Hopefully I don't get bothered by too many random fans tonight, I wouldn't mind chatting to my mates for a change.

I was looking away in the photo because I thought I saw William H Macy. No jokes though, I went for a run yesterday with BMP and we saw William H Macy walking along the road near Camps Bay. Truly strange. He was just kicking it by himself in some old school clothes. Probably going to score a joint. Well that's what I would do if I was him. He is in town filming some or other movie. He has left the wife at home I guess so no doubt he will be smashing it up at Hemisphere tonight. Or the Planet Bar.

Cool by the pool peeople, see you on Monday(By see I don't really mean I will see you)

I will "write you" on Monday.

Or maybe tomorrow.

Later champions

A Friday treat

I only know it's Friday because the smell of cheap booze permeates the air.


Anyway, before I leave to get locked in the Tiger cage at about 9pm, I must let you in on this beauty I found in my fridge. It's Enterprise Shaved Smoked Chicken.

Fair enough.

But then take a gander at the label and notice what it tells you. Here is some information:

Gluten Free
Suitable for lactose intolerant people.
No tartrazine, sulphur dioxide and benzoic acid.
No added M.S.G

Good Lord. Now to the uneducated gluten is found in things such as barley, wheat and rye. Obviously lactose is from milk products. So to mention that these are not present in a MEAT product is disturbing. What the fuck would they be doing in meat? And this no doubt means that some brands of smoked chicken do contain these ingredients! Mind bending! Lactose in meat, I can't comprehend this.

Anyway, it's no wonder with shit like benzoic acid(Sounds trippy) in things we eat, that we get weird diseases.

Crazy times kids, crazy times.

Don't eat this processed shit, it messes you up.

Leo shags a Bar

That's right, I read somewhere, but don't take it as the truth, that Bar Rafaeli is pregnant with some "King of the World's" son. Amazing. To think, had I been 19, or however old Leo was in Titanic, I would have got the role as Jack. I would have painted Rose naked. I would have hooked Gisele. I would have a little runt running around whose mother is Bar Rafaeli and whose father is KING OF THE WORLD! But now I'm nothing(Currently, not for long) I mean, people recognise me, but I don't exactly have Leo's paycheck or Leo's girlfriend. It's all very heartbreaking. Oh well, I'm going to have to go touch naughty girls at Tiger tonight to console myself.

And Kate Moss is engaged. Further proof that the world is not the place it used to be when people were tripping on acid in the 70's. Ahhhh...good times.

UPDATE: I just read on The Superficial that the pregnancy story is a lie. But it's a good story so I'm sticking to it. I didn't write it for nothing you know.

Bushisms

You know, I have never ever seen a comedian as funny as George Bush. He is honestly too funny! I came across a website today and with classic quotes like this you have to take a look!

"Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream"

"I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family"

"Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning"

"Make no mistake about it, I understand how tough it is, sir. I talk to families who die"

How the FUCK did this guy become president? I supposed that it helps when George H.W is your old man, but anyway.

Classic stuff.

Check it HERE

Your job still so bad?

I came across this pearler in GQ, March/April 2005, about the worst jobs ever. Check it.

Hermit:

Today we buy a rim flow pool to make the neighbours envious, but from 1740 to 1830, landowners hired eccentrics, mental defectives, poets and the financially desperate to wander their estates for years, like breathing garden gnomes.

How cool is that? I think it's awesome to have that, I'm not quite sure why it all stopped! I suppose it's a similiar thing to the Thai cabana boy I keep out in summer to fan me with a banana leaf so I don't get too hot around the pool. He works quite well for one potatoe a day. Which he has to grow.

Jizz mopper:

Yeah. Won't really go into this one, I think you get the whole shindig.

Fuller:

Before the wonders of technology stepped in, someone had to clean wool after it had been woven: the fuller. After collecting gallons of urine from farms and private houses, fullers would pour the stale urea into a barrell, add the wool, then hop in and stomp out the grease.

That is exactly why I buy GQ, for gems like these. You can actually buy the book "The worst jobs in history" by Tony Robinson. Another similiar book is "The worst blow jobs in history" by Paris Hilton. Well not exactly, but yeah...crazy weather we having. Yes, indeed, crazy weather.

New stuff

Change is not bad so I changed the design here and also added a cool new feature on the right hand side. It's just got updated news on the topics I have chosen, so click on either "Apple" or "Cape Town" or the others and it will give you links to news articles on these things. Pretty schweet I think.

I can't believe I forgot it was easter yesterday when I woke up. I was wondering why everyone was doing stuff and being all busy.

I'm such an idiot.

Gosh.

The planets are changing

Can you handle that in one day the stormers won a game and South Africa lost to Bangladesh. I will now add that I watched neither of these games as I was trying to educate myself in this whole "Wordpress" shindig. For a little Two Oceans report, check it HERE

Yeah other than that I have fuck all to say. Enjoy the Sunday.

What happened at Tiger on Thursday?

Thursday was quite an enjoyable night with Charlie, Dustin, and Dustin's fucking huge cigar that he said he bought but we think he stole from work.

Anyway, after getting home at 2:30am I decided that nothing would do but an oven roasted potatoe maybe with some spring onion and cheese.

So I threw the potatoe in at about 2:40 on 220 degrees and went and sat on the couch and threw the Borat DVD in to watch while my food cooked ever so slowly.

Next thing I knew it was 6:30am and my potatoes were in their chops. The TV was still on with Borat playing continuously and I was shocked that I had forgotten the oven on, no doubt wasting Eskom's very precious energy and a large amount of fossil fuel, contributing to the current gap in the ozone.

Well done Sean

Roma vs Manchester United

I have always thought of soccer fan's as drunken and rowdy and generally degenerate. Obviously I can't say this because lot's of my friends watch and play soccer and they are alright(Most of the time) Whenever we see crowds causing chaos, overseas or in SA, it's from soccer games. Cricket is my preferred live viewing sport, and it's always chilled at Newlands.

But watching scenes from last nights game on DSTV channel 24 now, those guys were getting fucked up. Granted, the crowds do cause shit, but the police just came in in riot gear and started fucking up anyone in sight. I saw some old guy being shielded by a younger guy, maybe father and son, and I was like "These cops are fucked" What threat does some old guy pose that you need to hit him with a baton? It seems these cops are just frustrated that they have a kak job, and like the movie Jarhead, they never get to hit anyone. Eventually the rage grows and they just klap anyone in sight at the slightest bit of unrest. In Jarhead the guys never got to shoot anyone and this pissed them off. Clearly the coppers need to just hit people from time to time.

I think they should have a weekly session where they fuck people up, but people that we don't need. Week one could be "Moer Bob Mugabe" Week two could be followed with a nice session of "Skop, skiet en donner criminals like child rapists" I think this would go a long way to quell the anger.

I'm sure you will be able to catch some of the scenes on Sky News. Otherwise go HERE for a video of the action on the Sky News website.

We are alerted to a super phenomenon

In my post below "The TBG eludes us not" I had a comment from Cape Town's favourite son, Shaun Oakes. In case you did not read the comment, here it is:

Actually Sean,

There is another slightly lesser-known but infinitely more powerful TBG operating in Cape Town.

In a recent study by scientists at UCT, it was concluded that if Barry (the Token Black Guy) and 2oceansvibe's Tall Blonde Guy ever ended up in the same place, the resulting mesh of super-energy would cause a black hole, throwing the Earth back into the 60's.

How fucking mad would that be? My parents won't even speak to me about the 60's. Everytime I ask my mom, she goes and washes the dishes(I don't know what the FUCK she was doing out the kitchen in the first place) When I ask my dad, he goes outside and repacks his pipe and smokes it until I leave. I wonder what happened in the 60's? Whatever it was, it's been kept a secret from me.

Let's see that the Token Black Guy and the Tall Blonde Guy meet, so that we can experience the decadence and excess of the 60's for ourselves.

Come on people, let's do this for me, for US!

Wikipedia

I wrote an article a while back on Wikipedia and some people thought that I was stupid for saying that Wikipedia is stupid. I must admit, I have been looking at Wikipedia for information. The other day I was searching for information on Johnny Cash and I read up about him on Wikipedia.

But I still wonder everytime I read something, whether it really is true. I still would not quote things from Wikipedia, other than to sound really intelligent and in knowing for sure that the people I am talking to don't know the real truth anyway.

So I was reading through the April 2, 2007 TIME magazine and came across "10 questions with Jimmy Wales", co-founder of Wikipedia. Some interesting questions were posed and some interesting answers were given.

For my original article on Wikipedia, click HERE

For 10 questions with Jimmy Wales, click HERE

Okay then

What I'm going to propose here is that you keep a check on both of my blogs. When this one does not work, you can chuck on over to my other one HERE. But yeah, just keep looking at both as we chop and change.

Booze complaint

I fear that my booze complaint on the other blog was so well worded we all need to take another look. Do it over HERE

The TBG eludes us not

As I attempt to write my sentence backwards in the hope that people think I am more intelligent than I am.

If you don't know anything about Cape Town's TBG then learn HERE or please leave. The TBG is like an institution made famous by 2oceansvibe.

Anyway, I took this photo on the 8th March this year current on Llandudno. I would have sent it to Seth, but it's obviously not of his face but you need to believe me here. You can clearly see though that it is the TBG. My friends Alain, Baz and Damian had no idea who he was and could not see why I was so excited when I saw him. They are now what we refer to as "dead".

But seriously, when he walked past, he turned to look around at the beach with that usual grin on his face as if to say "Fuck yeah, fucking right doggy, you KNOW I'm the TBG bitch!" He seriously has such an air of cool around him that he would easily put Maverick in Top Gun to shame.

The 8th March truly was a special day.

The world was once again graced by the presence of the TBG

Four Brothers

I watched Four Brothers on M-Net last month about five times, because it was so good. Basically, four adopted kids mother is shot and they seek revenge on the killer, fucking up a lot of people in the process. A classic line comes from Mark Wahlberg. They are chasing some guy, and eventually after this guy let's his dogs out on him(Two big dogs- Rottweillers I think- living in a flat-highly odd) they catch him trying to climb out his window by a rope. Mark gets a cleaver and cuts the rope,sending this guy onto the icy snow below. He has a broken bone coming out of his leg. Someone says something like "Shit you think he's dead?" To which Mark replies "He's not dead, he's just fucked up!"

Absolutely brilliant.

Check that photo out, four dudes just cruising through a parking lot, leather jackets, jeans, boots, snow-hardest fuckers on the planet.

Watch it.

Photo from the market

If you were on my other BLOG, you would have read about the market. Here is one of the photos, of Mike flexing his gun while the uber babe bread lady and some hippie tree hugger look on...

My first true love

Yes, I do love Woolworths

Even more so now that they are opening a 24 hour Woolworths in Claremont, at the Engen, right opposite Sobhar, brilliant!

I have no doubt that they are going to fucking clean up. And I am going to lose less friends to food poisoning from dodgy garage pies as well. Last count, five were dead "by the pie".

But this is genius by Woolworths. Turnover at this store is going to be bordering on money rape, that's how much money they will make. I guarantee it. The owner may as well retire now, he has won. I won't even go into the number of dirty birds that are going to visit this Woolworths in their drunken, pot hazed states. I think Engen might just become the new party spot. Woolworths near Gardens cleans up every day, they always win. And now it's Claremonts turn.

What better place to have a 24 hour food store than on the Boulevard of broken dreams? I'm excited already. Now if they could only open tonight for after Tiger Tiger it would be great.

The Holiday

Seeing as though I am on holiday now, and most of the year, I thought I would hire The Holiday. With a cast including Jude Law, Cameron Diaz, Jack Black and Kate Winslet I thought i could not go wrong. And I didn't. However if I had listened to what the reviews had said, I would never have seen this film as they all gave it a bad review. Fuck them.

The story follows Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslet swopping houses for two weeks to get away from their normal lives. They move, Cameron meets Jude, Jack meets Kate and it's all love and stuff.

As you can expect.

But I was quite impressed with Jack Black, who played a rather calm guy who produces music for movies. He was rather good. I'm no movie reviewer and I don't want to go all "Barry Ronge" on you and look at the fucking planetary alignment tonight to tell you if the movie is good, but I will let you know that it is good.

Hell it's got Cameron Diaz.

And Jude Law is ever so smooth, the player. I know not many people like him, but I do. Mind you, I think David Beckham and J.T are cool, so anyway...