I am a genius

Last night we had a bit of a party at Tiger where I saw Lieschen Botes, the model. You might recall her from the Sports Illustrated swimwear edition. Or Google her. Anyway after bending it until after 2am, I hit Barcellos for a chicken burger where I also bought the GQ. I then went straight to the Victorias Secret section and saw our very own Alessandra Ambrosio.

I read further down in the article about her and it said that as a child she was insecure about her large ears and had them pinned back at age 11. I'm not joking. Buy the GQ. Realise that I found this flaw earlier.

Then praise me.

Then also be jealous that the photo above was taken on Clifton yesterday. It's winter here in Cape Town. And we still get the most awesome weather. Yes we do.

Life is good

Enjoy the weekend I can already tell it's Friday by the smell of cheap booze that permeates the air.

Take it easy

Interesting

Found THIS on The Cool Hunter.

Interesting.

I wonder how it affects your concentration on the road if you are going at speed?

Quite clever anyway.

Jonas Bendiksen: Satellites

This is quite an interesting looking book, and I saw this mentioned in GQ. Jonas Bendiksen travelled through the former USSR taking photographs and in Kazakhstan he found the wreckages of space rockets and he also found the people who salvage these rockets for scrap.

If you go to the website you will see two guys sitting on top of one of these rockets, with butterflies flying all around them. It really is one of the most awesome photographs I have ever seen. There you are out in the middle of nowhere and there are two guys sitting on a rocket that has fallen from the atmosphere.

And then there are the butterflies which give the photo an eerie feel, like something out of a movie. It's great because it's a photo you feel you have never ever seen. Probably because you never have seen something like this.

It makes a great change from the usual coffee table books and would be a great addition to liven up that old coffee table of yours.

Go HERE for more information on the book and how you can own it.

The other half

Just to make this whole picture clearer, let's have a look at Alessandra's competition for the most beautiful girl on the planet. It's Gisele.

Hell Gisele

You look fine today

Study the photos and then decide on one of them. Or, if your wealth and fame permits(Mine doesn't), you can have both of them.

I found the flaw

For years now I have told people that I WILL NOT marry, unless that marriage is to Gisele Bundchen. People know this. I always thought Gisele was the perfect person. Some people said her nose was too big, her eyes too this and that, but that all of her features put together made a pretty fine oil painting. Then people started coming to me with regards to a certain Alessandra Ambrosio.

For the past couple of weeks I have been studying her pictures in the June 2007 GQ (SA Edition) and had nearly come to the conclusion that I would marry her or Gisele. She was too beautiful. I never told anyone that I had a thing for her, as due to the circles I run in, she would probably find out and think I'm a fool for not letting her know. So I kept it quiet.

However, today I found it. Because I have many hours of leisure at my disposal, I read a lot. I was just reading through Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas again, and then turned my complete attention to studying these photos again. I wanted to prove everyone wrong.

Alessandra Ambrosio has a funny ear. I'm serious. This photo is from Google Image search and is the photo from GQ that I have in my hands. It may in fact be better to buy the GQ and hold the pictures close to you(Getting weird) Seriously, buy the GQ and have a close look at her ears. I know a friend who has this thing about feet(Mind you, I do too) So if a girl is smoking hot but has one odd toe, he will go off her. I don't have quite the same vibe with ears, especially not when they are attached to Alessandra.

However, I just thought I would make it clear that like Gisele(And her nose), Alessandra is not perfect. I also want to be credited as the person who first noticed this. I think I only saw it now as previously I had only been looking at her fantastic tits.

So I have found the flaw in the operating system that is Alessandra.

Mind you, if I were to be sitting in my hotel room at The Palms in Vegas, sipping on some gin and juice, and Alessandra had to walk up to me, naked, covered in oil, with a Mojito in her hand, and she said to me "Here Sean you SEXY FUCK(What happened there?), take a drink. And while you are at it, take me" Then, in this special situation, I would have to take her.

HOWEVER, this is the only situation I would have her in. In any other, less idyllic situation, I would definitely be put off by her ear.

Now click on the photo and study that ear.

But...I bet you still would.

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

I don't have much to write and so I thought maybe I would recommend something to read. The weather is not great and no one really works so it's good to watch DVD's and read stuff.

Like Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S Thompson- "A savage journey to the heart of the American dream"

It is about Hunter and his trip he took to Las Vegas to cover s car race. Anyway, you probably all know the story. He spends the money given to him by a magazine on drugs and gets completely out of shape. I love drug stories because they are so mad. Hunter spent his whole life being paid to cover things for magazines and in the process got completely off his head. He would do road trips and do drugs. It would seem that he was never in an office. He would drink beer while working, he was just living the life. And he knew lot's of people.

The book really is savage, but I enjoyed it and often find myself flipping to the front page where the first line reads:

We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold

Classic stuff. Buy it HERE, and have it delivered straight to your door, or office. Brilliant.

BULLSHIT!

I think we will all agree that THIS is bullshit!

Black owned

I'm always intrigued at this whole thing in South Africa what with quotas and BEE and the like.

However I think we are pushing it now.

We are being stupid, and while I don't just accuse people of being racist, I think this borders on it.

I see on a packet of Blue Ribbon bread that it says "Premier Foods- Largest 100% black owned company in SA"

So therefore a white person will never be allowed to be a part owner of this company. Not that it really bothers me, but what would happen if I had to start up an empire, and then advertise on it "54 Empire- Largest white owned company in SA"

Do you not think there would be cries of racism?

Every company these days seems to be having to have a certain amount of black employees and white and so on.

So why can Premier Foods get away with being 100% black, and why must they declare this on their packaging? Is it really necessary to put this out there, on the packaging?

Intriguing

Hardest man on the planet

I had always believed that Mike Horn was the hardest man on the planet.

Until I read the April 2007 issue of GQ and found out about Dean Karnazes. 50 marathons in 50 consecutive days. 563 kilometres without sleeping over three days. We have found the bionic man.

I managed to find the exact GQ article, which they had re-used, right over HERE.

Read it. Marvel at it. Ask "How?"

How can this stuff be possible?

Warning: Idol ahead

I have just been shocked whilst watching Prison Break. M-Net are now telling me that they are on their fourth season of Idols.

Fuck

What ever happened to our so called "Idols" Where is Anke? And Karin? Heinz still kicks it about for the simple reason that he is the entire package. He is easy on the eye. He has a voice. Do you think Britney Spears would have done as well as she did if she looked like Rosie O' Donnell? No, I don't think she would have. The voice is only a part of the idol.

It's no offence to anyone, but the fact is that people want an idol who is hot, good looking, a belter, whatever you will call it. It's what is in demand.

Let's not stuff it up again this time boys.

Battle at Kruger

Check this out. I doubt anyone will ever see thi

Heard on the town

This was heard at Wadda in Claremont the other night. A girl was walking away from us with quite a fit body. She then turned around and her face did not match her body profile. Some guy pipes up with this pearler:

"She's got a body from Baywatch and a face from Crime Watch!"

It's OK. You can laugh at this. Naturally, I, being quite a prominent, upstanding member of society, did not laugh. Instead, I rapped this silly boy on his knuckles and sent him out the door for making such a crude comment.

Yes

That's exactly what I did

He is back

Yes, I am back. It'd been a good break but I feel refreshed. Ahhh....that's better.

I know people don't care about my life, but would rather be interested in the well articulated, insightful articles that I write about life. Or something like it. Anyway, for you to gain greater insight into how and what I write, I must let you in to my life. You are some of the lucky ones who will read this. Not many people gain such great insight. Consider yourself blessed, my child.

Last we left off we went to Springbok Nude Girls at Madame Zingara, which was mad. That was Sunday. Today is Friday. Mayhem has ensued in between.

Before I carry on let me direct you to a article which I feel you need to read because it where I get inspiration from, and it is why I am so cool, calm and collected these days. It is quite an amazing piece, and works brilliantly.Get it HERE

The only problem is that it works too well. Sometimes I come across as seriously cool and chilled, but because I look at these girls like they are a 4, I kind of lose the plot. I talk to them like I don't really have time for them, and they are blessed to be in my presence. They actually think so highly of me that they believe they are out of my league! Like I am in a higher league! This is obviously not true as I am probably a 4 compared to the like of Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp. I go completely mad. Firstly I talk to them as though they are a 4 and then I come across as though I believe I am a 10. Arrogance radiates from me! I don't really want this, but it happens. Might have to change tactics.

You may have read the piece about kids these days being so dumb a few articles down. Anyway, we bumped into a pearler last night. My friend Charles pointed her out and said "Look it's Paris Hilton" She actually did have some Paris features, big sloppy bottom lip, blonde hair, quite tall, dumb looking. But she was mildly attractive until I said something to her. She looked at me as though I was a juvenile delinquent. She has clearly never been on the internet and seen the power I command over this city. She is lucky I never got her name as it would be all over the internet today and in about 5000 peoples homes. And she would never work in this city again.

But seriously though, she just came across as so dumb that I thought I was losing brain cells to her through some sort of osmosis thing. I'm not joking, she sounded so stupid that I believed she was some sort of alien. Unable to function on her own brain cells, she gets close to you in order to steal your brain cells by osmosis. She needs your brain cells just so she can have basic functions like breathing and walking. I think I lost 40 IQ points last night just being in her presence. Luckily my IQ is off the chart and I ca afford to lose lot's of points.

Then some chick tried to bite my bottom lip off. Don't worry, she will have no job today and if she was at college she will automatically fail. Because I say so.

We went to Sobhar last night to watch "jacSharp alongside Julia"(As my invite stated). She is actually rather good! She has this silky smooth voice, long flowing hair...wait...a...second. I must stop now. She is dating one of my good friends so I will not carry on. Sorry Lex. I love you all. No but seriously she is actually quite awesome, not just from a "She is dating my friend" sort of view.

I was actually at Woolworths with Brittany, the hot American girl, who is actually really one of the guys. Anyway Brittany wanted a mention here so I gave it to her. Now we will never stop mentioning her. So yesterday we were at Woolworths and Britter bought the new Glamour magazine and I saw Julia's name mentioned there, I think maybe they had a free CD or something. So Julia is doing quite well. It's nice to know that if my life turns out shit, I can still hang with the cool crowd.

I must watch Julia again because I was mildly distracted by Brittany and Danielle who joined us at Sobhar. Very naught of them. In between stroking their hair like the guy in Scary Movie(Take my strong hand! Oh child...the resemblance is striking...your eyes...the hair...the nose...) myself and Charlie V also managed to listen to Julia's vocals. We are multi taskers. Yeah so those two were distracting me the whole night wanting all sorts of things from me. As people do.

Danielle left early to go "study" I said I have no idea what study means but I let her know that she was looking quite serious and this "study" thing must have something to do with tracking down the FBI's 10 most wanted criminals. So I let her go. Her hand slipped from mine and I felt my heart fall to the ground and shatter. I hope you caught the baddies sweetie. Call.....me.....

Then Brittany was another story. Because I act like I am a 10, I come across as some sort of uber hero from Troy or 300. Brittany cannot handle me. She really can't. You must see how nervous she gets around me, and Jerry! It's quite cute actually. She says she is dating someone, but I think it's a lie. It calms her down thinking she is dating someone, and therefore she is not quite so nervous around me. But she still lies to herself, telling herself that she is in a relationship, so as not to fall madly in love with me. She knows once she falls in love with me, she will never fall out of it. She will have a greater chance of falling out of a Virgin Airways flight heading to Heathrow. Brittany really is a 10 though, even though she says she is a 7.3. And she has an American accent. High five! And she is American. Sexy times! Right...

I must quickly also mention that Arno Carstens is playing on the 24th June at The Green Dolphin(Whatever the fuck that is) at the V&A Waterfront. Time: 19:30. Call 021 421 7471 for details and the whole shindig.

I must also mention Levi's here because currently their T-shirts are sick. They have the best fit, the best designs, the best quality and the best price. I bought another one yesterday, my third one this year. They have quite a rock star edge to them, which clearly suits my lifestyle perfectly. One place to never buy at is Lee Cooper. I tried on a pair of jeans there yesterday, and I am quite a slim guy(But FUCKING ripped) and with the jeans on, I could not put my wallet into my pants. Talk about Bee Gees nut crackers. And they were low cut, so my Woolworths boxers were showing, and I felt like a porn star. Really, you are not going to find anyone much smaller than me so I don't know who the fuck they are catering for. I cannot fit into one of their shirts either, they hug my body like a coke whore hugs her coke. It's a pity really, because Lee Cooper are decently priced, have the SICKEST designs(Sort of a Diesel vibe), but they just have the worst fit ever. So we will refuse to endorse Lee Cooper. But Levi's are my boys. Except for their jeans, because they don't offer many in a bootcut anymore, which is stupid. Rather save up, go to Diesel at the V&A Waterfront and get yourself a true pair of rock star jeans.

That's it for now, I will post something later after I sleep, got home at 4am. Rock star.

Channel 4 News Team out.

Where have I been?

As you know I am low(Actually out) of internet, and this is costing me a fortune.

Anyway it's nearly the new month kids, and we will soon be upgrading to real websites and ADSL and all that other crap. Just give me time. I am working on it.

So I went to Ignite on Saturday, it was average. Nothing to get too excited about. Springbok Nude Girls at Madame Zingara on Sunday were CRAZY! Arno knows how to rock out. He is living the dream.

Well I found these pics and the reason I show them to you is that I used to fly at about half mast for this chick. That was until I saw the "Fire crotch" pictures on X17. Not nice. Not nice at all. I won't even give you the link, I don't want you to share my pain.

Well these are the new ones. To think that she got me excited in jean pant. I realised my mistake when girls at Tiger started hitting on me and they were hotter than this. And more sober. And less fucked in the head. That's right, I don't hit on girls. I give my "Val Kilmer"(When he was young) stare and they suddenly must have me. True story.

Myself and Jerry were at Tiger last night just sending out the vibe. We could see all these naughty girls looking at us thinking "I wonder who they are? They must be really famous." Because the whole night we spoke to no one. We acted like we were not interested in anyone. Now those girls are thinking "I WANT to speak to those guys" We left them hanging last night wondering when they would see us again.

Fantastic.

They will dream of us the whole week. Next time we go there they will be all over us. A brilliant way of making people want you.

Anyway back to Sober Lohan

Check the alcoholic here

Fuck she looks horrendous! Imagine waking up next to that and she is lying on your arm. Thats when you start chewing your arm off and you run. You run far. Far, far away to a land of soberness where the kids play in the fields and Fridays are spent playing chess. Ok that is pushing it but you get the idea

Spending their youth

WARNING! Semi-intelligent article ahead(I know, we are acting way out of character for this blog!)

I have written on this before, on the other blog, commenting on how today's youth are quite dumb. I feel the need to go in depth, as I study journalism, and need to practice this whole writing thing!

As always, before I start this piece, I must mention these facts:

I know, kids are always going to drink and be dumb in their teenage years. I say todays youth are dumb. But yesterdays youth were probably also dumb. Maybe I was dumb, but I don't recall being as brainless as the people I see out today.

I don't proclaim to be the most intelligent person on the planet, but I do have a sense of the world around me. I know things. You can speak to me about things and I will probably be able to hold a competent conversation. Not like the people I meet out.

"So what do you think about this whole kidnapping of Madelaine?" I say(This is not true, I never had this conversation, but it is a typical conversation you might have)

"Mada-who bru? No like, let's go smoke some spliff" Says fucking numb skull with a double methylated spirits and coke in his/her hand.

I have a base of friends who I feel I can rely on and we watch out for each other, always having each others best interests in mind. We can go to Forries and actually speak about various intelligent topics without the need to get fucked out of our minds. We can discuss business ideas, new ad campaigns, new trends in journalism, the move away from traditional media to online media, global warming, future worldwide trends and so on and so forth. We can speak about gaps in various markets and we think of ways to fill those gaps. And we are not proclaiming to be saviours of the world, we are just trying to do something. We are trying to find ways to actually contribute to society, and maybe make a bit of money along the way, but most of all just have some good fun, without the need to be high on every pharmaceutical on the planet.

Not to mock people who study, and have jobs as pizza delivery people or whatever. I realise people have to make money, and I'm fine with that. You do get people working at restaurants to pay off their studies, and I know people like that. But they have a goal in mind, and that's fantastic. But you get those people who are just studying to pass the time, and when they eventually finish their studies they will just try get any job they can. They will then just work that job, getting promoted every now and then, and generally leading a dull existence. Until then they just cruise along in their studies, work as waiters, drink and smoke. Cool. You are quite exciting and interesting. The problem with these people is that they go out at night thinking they run the city they live in. Tycoons by night, broke stoned students by day.

It would be easy for me to smoke weed every day. I can do that. I have access to that. Do I want that? No. What is going to happen to all these people when they finish their studies? They are going to say "I'm leaving South Africa, there are no opportunities here. I'm going to go overseas and coin it" Go ahead buddy.

Leaving South Africa is just another excuse to slum it, because overseas no one nows who you are. You can go create a false identity over there. Why not focus some of your limited mind on South Africa and do something? I promise you, there are plenty of things to do over here. Between myself and a friend, we can come up with plenty ideas in two hours at Forries. And we do.

"No but I'm white and I'm male, I will never make it here, everything is against me"

If that's your opinion, then please do leave. I will close the door ever so gently behind you. Then while you go pour pints in London, and smoke pot in Jamaica, I will start building a little empire over here. Then one day when you decide to come back, you can work for me. Actually that's brilliant. I won't have to pay you too much because you don't have much to offer me. I win.

I did grow up with an older brother and sister, and so knowing people older than me has maybe taught me some things I would not learn if I just grew up alone.

But I just feel that today's youth are pretty stupid. If I was thirty, maybe this article would have no substance, as I would obviously have way more life experience that an 18 year old. But I'm only four years older than these 18 year olds.

The reason for writing this article was our trip to Chrome last night, where I don't think I could have held a conversation with anyone.

I spent a good deal of time, once again, occupied by my own thoughts. Even at Tiger on Tuesday night, we had a cool time, but when I spoke to Jerry D later on that evening the first thing he said was , and this is pretty much word for word "Oh my fuck those people are stupid, I couldn't talk to them"

It's like talking to a black hole, where you try keep a conversation, but it just keeps on getting sucked up. When you are finished talking, it's as though you never said anything. Then the people you are talking to go "Let's go get more shooters"

And honestly, when I walk into a place, and you know me, and I say hello, don't look at me like I have just committed a murder spree. You are not that cool that you can treat me like this. No one is that cool. Not even Dan Carter is that cool(Okay...maybe he is). But in your mind you are ice cool, you are it. Seriously though, you can say hello. I don't care if you are with all your image friends. You are a mogul by night, but what are you by day? Exactly. Now smile and say hello to me, it's the least you can do. What did I ever do wrong? Nothing. Just because you have your crew around you does not mean that you are above me. Who are you anyway? An upgrade of the human species that I belong to? Am I version 1 and you are version 5? Am I Microsoft Windows '95 and you are Vista? Because that's the way you act. Like you are on a different level to me.

I have actually gotten to the point, where even if a girl is seriously hot, but fucking dumb, I just can't be interested in her. It's crazy! I feel so bad about it(Or do I?)! It's odd, you see a girl, hot, start speaking to her and then you are like "Well good grief, please keep walking. Come back when you have filled your brain with at least two intelligent sentences"

Some people even argue though, in these brainless peoples defense "Oh but I'm sure they are nice people"

Well yes, but lot's of things are NICE.

Tea and scones on a Sunday after Church are NICE

Cucumber sandwiches at the Sunday cricket are NICE.

Ducks waddling in the water at the local park are NICE

I'm off the hook at the moment. Somebody stop me!

Come on people, let's at least try act intelligent? Please? Anyone? Ok it's cool because I have intelligent people I can talk to, but we can't possibly be the only ones. We are not an elite group like that. It's not possible.

But I'm starting to think it is.

Out of megs

I won't lie, I have completely annihilated my internet this month, and find myself with about 20 megs until the end of the month so you would probably not expect much from me until next month.

I will say we are all over the clubs like a cheap suit right now. Not that you care. Anyway.

Last night we went to Tiger(Gasp...again) because they were promoting Hanza Marzen Gold. Naturally, we knew the promo girls, Ash and Dan, as we do. I don't recall paying for a drink the whole night. We each got a free drink on entrance, and then people who were not drinking theirs were passing them onto me. Naturally I was not worried about them slipping me a roofie because I am now immune to it.

The funny thing with this new Marzen Gold is that they are obviously targeting the Amstel crowd. However, as much as they try to differentiate their brand, everyone keeps saying "So it's basically like Amstel"

The first thing I noticed was that the bottles were remarkably similiar. It even has that annoying foil that Amstel bottles used to have. That gold foil that gets stuck in your teeth and makes you look like you are trying to bling it in Compton.

This must be a monumental ball ache for advertisers. Because the more they try tell us it's not trying to be Amstel, the more we say it is Amstel. The promo girls were specifically told not to mention anything about Amstel, which they did not. Good girls. They should have just said it was Amstel in the first place, and then us, the consumers would say "No it's Hansa Marzen Gold" You see how I use reverse psychology there?

"Fuck you are a genius" I hear you whispering to yourself

"I know, thank you" I reply by telepathetic methods.

If Amstel want to completely fuck the market up when they get back, they should do away with that foil. Because even if people dig Marzen Gold, they will choose Amstel purely to avoid the ball ache that the foil gives them. Amstel, you guys should employ me, I am a genius. Think about it boys.

Tonight we find ourselves bizarrely on the guest list for Chrome. I have no idea what is going on here, but we are going. I don't know the current situation so I will just go along and see what happens.

Saturday finds us being invited to the AAA School of Advertising party at Ignite in Camps Bay

Fantastic

Thanks BMP for organising that we make it to this event.

I don't know what this event holds for us, but APPARENTLY AAA is rife with females. Not that we are there for that.

Strictly business

Strictly business

The mystery unravels

As the hamster in my head starts walking again...on three legs.

Could "Dre" be "Andre"?

Of which we currently only know one.

Rondebosch maybe?

The lightbulb in my head is burning very dim, and my thinking cap is torn, but there is something there...

Is he serious?

It's the 300th post! Crack the bubbly and the crack sandwiches! Someone please kiss me...now!

Due to the vast amount of clubbing we have been doing of late, we have a story. I must also mention, although you don't care at all, that Tiger is on for tomorrow, a party is on at the Hout Bay Pink Palace of Poon for Wednesday, and BMP has been my hero and organised some sort of AAA School of Advertising ticket for me, for a party they are having at Ignite on Saturday. Dirty AAA girls running wild, spending their youth like a $1 bill, short skirts, thumping music, nibbling my ear, wanting my vast writing talent, wanting the white picket fence, the dream, the Malibu house, the gimp...Getting carried away.

Well...so...

We were at Tiger last week and this little girl I was Saturday Night Fevering it like John Travolta with had momentarily taking her gaze off my Adonis like body. Taking the opportunity to see who else we could see on the dance floor, I noticed a girl, and I noticed her breasts as they were quite well formed.

Then I saw something that reminded me of a psycho. Someone, somewhere in the club, was pointing a lazer at her tits that said "I love(It was actually a heart) you" I looked to see where psycho, Harry potter wand waving, library geek, computer punisher was. But I could not see him.

I was thinking "Are you serious?" I mean who does this? Do you really think that this girl is going to fall madly in love with you when you use a move out of the "Paedophile Starter Pack- Set 1"? Who are you?

I mean I have probably(I say probably so as not to admit it) used the "So you come here often" line. In fact WE used the "It's cool I have a licence for these bad boys"(In reference to our guns) line on Thursday. She laughed. It actually worked. Unbelievable. It's so cheesy it has to work. I have given out plenty of tickets to the gun show, I'm sure others have in all seriousness looked at a girl and used my favourite:

"Hey you know of a good vet?"

"Why?" The little minxy fox replies

"Cos these puppies are sick!"

It's dumb, but at least the girl knows you are being dumb. Pointing a lazer at a girl is bordering on stalker/freakshow/kiddie fiddler.

More often than not it's my fame that people are attracted to. Most people recognise me from Fight Club and I'm totally cool with that. So are they.

It's all fair game

Seriously though, never EVER use that lazer pointer again.

What planet are you from?

Zion?

Colin Moss-1000 mile stare on the rails

Please note, the next post will be our 300th.

300 posts of absolute rubbish, great.

I also say "celebs" because I can't say I really celebrate them.

Anyway back to this one. I think when I need to write something intelligent that I can. However, I just never think of writing anything intelligent. I just decided to though and came up with this topic in a few seconds. I am a genius.

I took the Colin Moss angle here because we used to see Colin all over the place. It was Fear Factor, then Idols, and at those times he was doing alright. He was OK. He then decided that he needed to cash in on his fame and punish the industry and get as much money out of it as he could. Look, I'm not writing this from the right point of view because I don't know what he is doing now, but we just never see him around anymore. I think he stuffed it up when he decided that he needed to become an actor. Some things should just never be attempted. I'm not going to try be a hero and attempt to make the SA rugby team. And so Colin should stay out of acting.

I never watched that muck movie he made, "Number 10", nor do I ever intend watching it. It's not my thing. I want to watch real actors. Colin was not cut from the same piece of cloth as Leonardo Di Caprio, and he should not pretend he was.

I think he completely lost his marbles when after training for Number 10, and chicks saying what good shape he was in, he decided to be a USN poster boy. No. Wrong career move son. I still remember his ad. He was chilling there, after just finishing boxing or something, with a bottle of USN EnerG and the line "Finally, a real sports drink"

If I want to know what a real sports drink is, I want to be hearing it from Ryk "The Bus" Neethling. Or Roland. Or Michael Phelps. Not Colin Moss, actor, MC, model, presenter, comedian etc etc.

It worries me when people try and be everything. Colin should stick to one career. He is a jack of all trades and a master of none. I have never heard his comedy but apparently it is particularly dismal.

Colin, to get your career back on track, stick to the TV thing. You were sometimes cheesy on Idols, but it was alright, we forgive you. Give up acting, comedy shows and whatever else you find yourself in. Advertise brands that you believe in and use.

Come now son, we know you can do it.

Lightning crashes

It's not really crashing now, but my iPod is throwing out "Lightning Crashes" by Live and the synergy between myself and the earth is quite spectacular right now. I wish you could experience it. I know weather is not really an interesting thing to talk about and I will often find myself at a club, chatting to some stunner who is clearly four leagues above me and I will say "So crazy weather hey?" I immediately know, at the pathetic utterance of that line that I must cut my losses, and go find someone else. Someone just in the league of a normal human, and not a supermodel. It's like Paul Adams continually thinking that he is actually a cricketer, and that he is actually going to make more than water boy. For me I know when I have hit rock bottom and know when to get the hell out of there.

Anyway back to the weather. We decided that Forries would be the ticket for watching the rugby on Saturday and I knew it was going to be full but I reasoned that the amount of talent mingling would more than make up for it. I was wrong. There was plenty of talent, but there was also plenty of sweaty man pits walking past me, brushing my finely tuned body. I could not cope with this. Then I removed my long top as the pizza oven was belting out the degrees of heat like a crack house. It was getting to the point where I was bucketing down in sweat. Kieran was sweating like a coke whore(Kieran is a coke whore) Alain was just looking around confused as to all the heat, little bums and what the fuck were we doing here?

After much discussion we decided to head to the Pink Palace of Poon in Hout Bay. Well the windy road to Hout Bay was like a war zone. There was an entire oak tree in the road at one point. The emergency teams were working their tit's off. At one point at the bottom of a hill there was one emergency worker, up to his knees in water, plunging a stormwater drain. Honestly, it looked like he was plunging a shower drain or something. Someone give the man a raise, I was freezing enough as it was in the VR3.

We ended up at the Hout Bay place until about 12pm, it was mad. We smashed a bottle of bubbly, and mildly pissed I started shivering. I decided against using the "body heat" method used when you are out in the woods and half dying. It was after all only three of us guys. I'm sure if Adriana, Gisele and Heidi were there the body heat method would have worked a charm.

The Pink Palace of Poon finds itself situated right near the World of Birds, so we had a nice high vantage point to look over the ocean. We saw the lightning and it was awesome. We drank bubbles. The drive home was a nightmare though. I am not joking, I was driving as slow as I could, with my brights on and there were times when I was going on intuition as to where the road was. I am surprised I did not crash, because there are no glow in the dark road marking and not many cats eyes to guide you. I relied on my Spidey sense, which is handy. Kieran drove behind me in the Hawk.

Did I tell you for winter we have decided to give out car's animal names? The VR3 will always be the VR3 but for this weather is is The Polar Bear. Because it's the only mean beast that will tackle the Hout Bay road, at 12pm, during a storm, and survive.

You might be asking "Where was wingman BMP?"

BMP had a horrific accident involving a wheat cutting tool being used incorrectly in the woods. Silly boy. He is out for at least the next week of stories.

Get well soon son.

Yeah so Cape Town really is getting the weather at the moment. I just watched The Inside Man and did not concentrate at all and now have no clue what the movie was about. Now I'm browsing the internet and wondering who I am.

Oh check out my other blog in the links for something on The Springbok Nude Girls if you have not read it already. It will change your life.

I love all of you