Amstel on my mind

Clever hey? As in "Am still on my mind" Like "Amstel beer is still on my mind" Whatever.

I'm not an advertising guru but as I learn more, as my mind matures, I do actually learn some things along the way in this game of life. I always used to wonder why Coca Cola, of which everyone in the world knows of it, still do advertising? Same with Pick 'n Pay, who always put flyers in my letter box, pretty much constantly. Basically it is to make sure that these companies are fresh in your mind and you never forget them. If they stopped advertising, smaller comapnies could start pumping out the ads, and subconsciously, over time, you would start seeing their logo more in your mind and go shop there. Or something like that.

And so it brings me to the point of Amstel beer, and that they are being quite sneaky. And clever. We all know that Hansa Marzen Gold is basically the competition, and now that there is no Amstel in SA, they are trying to chip into Amstels market dominance. I have seen them doing promotions at places such as Tiger Tiger and I see their boards at Forres in Cape Town. Now while Hansa are a visual presence in bars, Amstel are maintaining their presence in the newspapers. They have ads saying things such as "After reading this ad you will be 15 seconds closer to your next Amstel". Their ads go along those lines. Now it got me thinking. While I don't drink much beer, and if I do I will have a Windhoek, the brand that is the freshest in my mind at the moment is Amstel.

To me this is genius. Here is a beer that is not even currently available, and yet it is still the one being talked about and seen. It's presence seems to be still quite strong in our minds. Hansa on the other hand don't seem to be keeping their presence up, other than by being stocked at various places. And while it is clever that the new Hansa looks like Amstel, did the Hansa crew ever think that people would say "But it's basically the new Amstel" You see, even though they may be drinking Hansa, they still talk about Amstel.

So Amstel is probably being spoken about with nearly every Hansa that is being bought, and this keeps Amstel fresh in everyones minds. So when it returns, people will not ever really think it had disappeared because they were still talking about it. And then, what Amstel hope, is that all their original drinkers will once again turn to Amstel. I have no doubt this will happen.

I think that's all quite clever.

Amstel, you guys impress me.

And once again, we finish off another conversation with the word "Amstel"

Amstel fresh in our minds

Sheer genius

A few thoughts...

...have been bouncing around in my fairly empty head. I thought I would put them on the internet.

There has been a story going around for a while, I'm not sure if it's just in Cape Town, or on the internet, but it's hilarious. I think I heard it from BMP. Basically, some dude was out at a club, or bar, and he was on the toilet, just chilling there minding his own business.

Then some guy comes running into the bathroom about to be sick, slams the first toilet stall door open, and this guy happens to be sitting there, and he gets vomited on. Now the guy who vomited on him obviously did not do this on purpose, but anyway, nervous that the guy on the toilet is going to get pissed off and beat him up, he punches the guy on the toilet in the face! CRAZY! Imagine sitting on the toilet, some guy vomits on you, and then punches you in the face! I don't think I could deal with that, it's so filthy! Well as I say, not sure if it's true. Just imagine this was you...I can't quite cope.

Then another thing that has been bugging me is beggars at the traffic lights. I'm a pretty decent guy, but I cannot stand being asked at literally every single traffic light for money! It's getting pathetic, and I hate having to be nice to these guys at every traffic light. I don't want to have to say more than once "No thanks" I really don't want to have to have a whole story about why I'm not giving these guys money every time my car comes to a standstill.

I know they obviously desperate, but I get quite bleak with them. You always hear stories of people saying that people with money are rude to beggars by not even looking at them, but seriously, some days you are just not in the mood to look at these people. If you drive a car, you get asked the same question maybe 30 times a day if you drive a lot. It gets tedious. It's like a kid asking "Are we there yet?" every 5 minutes in the car. You are bound to snap sometime.

Also, we cannot possibly help every person on the planet. In SA we are expected to pay everywhere we go. Park at a shopping centre, it's like R6 an hour. Park anywhere else, some beggar wants R2. Park somewhere else, a car guard is there. We cannot honestly be expected to pay everyone we see, as it's literally not financially viable.

I honestly think that these car guards at big shopping centres should be paid for by the centres. If I am a paying shopper, safe parking should be a given. If i am going to be parking my car at your centre, I should be safe. I just think this thing of car guards is out of control, and I believe many people pay way too much every month on car guards, and if you think, not too long ago there were no car guards, and most of us got by just fine.

Even worse is the car guards, especially at Spar in Rosmead Avenue, Cape Town, who expect you to pay them when you have literally been there 5 minutes. That's no joke, 5 minutes and they want money. Then when you don't pay them they look at you as though you are a criminal.

It's getting crazy.

Other than that I hope everyone is watching the Tour de France, our Robbie Hunter is doing remarkably well, and I nearly cried the other day when he narrowly missed out on a stage win, coming in 2nd place. We need him to get a win. It's the mountain stages now, but in the final days there will be some more sprints and hopefully he can pull out some serious pace for a win.

Well then...until next time


Oh also...if you are in Cape Town on the 20th January 2008, book a ticket out. I think that is the correct date. To be honest, I'm thinking of leaving for the whole week.

I can't possibly stand to be in the same city as Whore Spice, that one married to Becks. I feel as though Cape Town is being violated by them being here.

What did Cape Town do to deserve this?

Cant they do a tour to Guam? Or the North Pole?

It's heart breaking

Drunk in Claremont? Terrible

I was driving through Rondebosch the other day and saw a newspaper poster on a light pole saying something like "Merryweather was drunk"

For those of you not aware, Andrew Merryweather was beaten up at a petrol station in Claremont and is now paralysed. What is crazy is that the newspapers feel the need to put this up on a sign post. If you read the article, you will see that an attendant at the petrol station testified and said Merryweather was drunk. That's fine.

But the way the newspapers make it come across is that it is a problem that Merryweather was drunk. They will say they are not doing this and are merely reporting the facts. I think the fact that he was drunk is not important at all, not important enough to make it onto newpsaper boards.

This does not necessitate beating someone so badly that they are paralysed. This is bullshit. The kids who beat him up need to harden up and stop hiding behind their rich parents. Because money doesn't buy class, and it should not buy your way out of jail.

Let's see what the trial will make of it.

Tiger Tuesday

I was, while replying to a certain Shaun Oakes, Cape Town's favourite son, that I actually have not written here for a while. I am rejecting my very heart and soul, my readers! I love you all. Yes YOU...and YOU. And there are only two of you.

Anyway I was chilling the other day at Tiger, Tiger Tuesday. So I'm sitting at the bar(No...I was standing) and I see some dude next to me who looked remarkably like Bryan Habana, the guy who plays that sport. I think it's called rugby, maybe pronounced "Ugby" It might be a silent "R" It's a fairly new sport, where you basically run with a ball for an extended period of time, in order to touch the ball over a line and kick it through a pole.

Personally this is bullshit to me, and I doubt whether the sport will ever take off. I mean, imagine having an "Ugby" World Cup? Ludicrous!

So I asked this little mynx I was with if it was him. At this point I realised I looked remarkably girly, as I was asking a girl if that "dude" was Bryan Habana. Very bad for my image.

So then, and this is true, I start joking around going "Oh my GOD, it's Bryan Habana" and I was batting my eyelids and stuff. So this guy, who I thought was random, looks at me as though I have just had sex with a sheep. Anyway, I forget about him as I think he is some punk boy, until i realise what I have done the next morning.

I went onto this mynx's Facebook page, and saw the photos from the night. The random guy in question was Fourie du Preez! If that's how you spell it? I am a complete idiot.

So anyway, back to the bar story. Bryan Habana was ordering a Malibu and something I think, and he kept looking my way as though I must acknowledge him. I mean, I was pretty close to him, pretty much touching. I think maybe he was just nervous. But I was not going to go "Oh Bryan Habana right?" No. screw that. He was lucky to be in my enigmatic presence. He was clearly in awe of my power, looks, women mingling around me and so on and so forth.

Then I turned around, with my double vodka and Creme Soda(R10 I think, crazy) and I saw Rassie Erasmus. I'm not really too interested in him as he is not a real celeb like Becks. So I won't talk about him.

What I must mention is the girls we were with were crazy. Myself and Charlie V had to entertain 7 girls by ourselves, and obviously we did because we are just hilarious.

But by 1am I was so tired of seeing boobs, making girls laugh and just being awesome that I left.

I don't know why I just wrote this post, but I did.

Anyway, hopefully next week brings more intelligent stuff.

Take it easy

And if it's easy, take it home

Sunset Tan- Hilarious

I can't believe I actually watched this last night- but I had to. Sunset Tan on E! Entertainment is the most pathetic show ever! It follows the antics of the people working at a place called sunset tan, I believe in L.A. Yesterday's show had a little kid coming in, probably about 13 years old, and her mom wanted her to get a tan for her class photos as she said the previous year she looked a little pale. Fook me! Are you serious? So they spend like $1300 on this girl, to get her tanned. That is the most pathetic thing I have ever heard of.

All the people going in and out of there are obviously tanning addicts, as many of them were various shades of orange. It's such a pathetic reality show, and I always hate it that I actually watch this shit. I'm shocked.

I am lucky however that I have this bronzed skin like Achilles of Troy all year round. It's one of the benefits of being a descendant of various Greek God's and Goddesses.

And this cut body

Zim is trashed

In news that was not really news breaking, we hear that Zimbabwe has collapsed. Well it's not surprising really consider the idiot who runs the place.

But Zimbabwe is an interesting case, because it is so messed up, so beyond repair, that it needs to start again. To me, I'm no political person, but what do you do about Zimbabwe? Everything has crashed. By the end of this week there will be no food and no fuel. Their money is worth nothing and they are the poorest millionaires on the planet. What Zimbabwe needs to do is start again. You need to pretend that Zimbabwe never existed and act as though that piece of the planet has just been discovered. There is no possible way to fix it and in essence, you need to let the place self destruct.

I think it's sad for all the people there, and it is the government who have caused all the people all their suffering. We see a place where there is literally no food. No fuel. There is nothing they can do about it. It is in disrepair and what is happening now is inevitable. It had to happen and it is now happening, and I guess we will just see what happens as the week goes on.

Let's play

I was perusing, at my leisure, the website for Let's play as I had heard from a friend that they were wanting to get 1 million soccer balls from now until the 2010 World Cup. Basically, Let's play focuses on getting kids out and being active, in essence, getting out and playing. I think this is a fantastic idea, as kids are not getting out enough these days. Playing sports also allows them to focus their minds on something useful and socialises them. This keeps them(Well hopefully) off drugs and away from crime.

However, this campaign to raise 1 million soccer balls seems a bit odd. Apparently these balls are being collected to encourage "play" But why not do something more useful, like get donations and sponsors for soccer training clinics. This way our kids will have a chance at developing their skills and maybe even make careers out of sport one day. It will also help with soccer development in South Africa, as we will have a large group of young kids with the potential to be good players, if that is indeed what they want to do.

And where are these 1 million balls going? If we are just going to hand them out to kids, who are going to kick them on the street for a few weeks until they break, are we achieving anything?

It's just a thought really.

I am a genius

Last night we had a bit of a party at Tiger where I saw Lieschen Botes, the model. You might recall her from the Sports Illustrated swimwear edition. Or Google her. Anyway after bending it until after 2am, I hit Barcellos for a chicken burger where I also bought the GQ. I then went straight to the Victorias Secret section and saw our very own Alessandra Ambrosio.

I read further down in the article about her and it said that as a child she was insecure about her large ears and had them pinned back at age 11. I'm not joking. Buy the GQ. Realise that I found this flaw earlier.

Then praise me.

Then also be jealous that the photo above was taken on Clifton yesterday. It's winter here in Cape Town. And we still get the most awesome weather. Yes we do.

Life is good

Enjoy the weekend I can already tell it's Friday by the smell of cheap booze that permeates the air.

Take it easy

Interesting

Found THIS on The Cool Hunter.

Interesting.

I wonder how it affects your concentration on the road if you are going at speed?

Quite clever anyway.

Jonas Bendiksen: Satellites

This is quite an interesting looking book, and I saw this mentioned in GQ. Jonas Bendiksen travelled through the former USSR taking photographs and in Kazakhstan he found the wreckages of space rockets and he also found the people who salvage these rockets for scrap.

If you go to the website you will see two guys sitting on top of one of these rockets, with butterflies flying all around them. It really is one of the most awesome photographs I have ever seen. There you are out in the middle of nowhere and there are two guys sitting on a rocket that has fallen from the atmosphere.

And then there are the butterflies which give the photo an eerie feel, like something out of a movie. It's great because it's a photo you feel you have never ever seen. Probably because you never have seen something like this.

It makes a great change from the usual coffee table books and would be a great addition to liven up that old coffee table of yours.

Go HERE for more information on the book and how you can own it.

The other half

Just to make this whole picture clearer, let's have a look at Alessandra's competition for the most beautiful girl on the planet. It's Gisele.

Hell Gisele

You look fine today

Study the photos and then decide on one of them. Or, if your wealth and fame permits(Mine doesn't), you can have both of them.

I found the flaw

For years now I have told people that I WILL NOT marry, unless that marriage is to Gisele Bundchen. People know this. I always thought Gisele was the perfect person. Some people said her nose was too big, her eyes too this and that, but that all of her features put together made a pretty fine oil painting. Then people started coming to me with regards to a certain Alessandra Ambrosio.

For the past couple of weeks I have been studying her pictures in the June 2007 GQ (SA Edition) and had nearly come to the conclusion that I would marry her or Gisele. She was too beautiful. I never told anyone that I had a thing for her, as due to the circles I run in, she would probably find out and think I'm a fool for not letting her know. So I kept it quiet.

However, today I found it. Because I have many hours of leisure at my disposal, I read a lot. I was just reading through Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas again, and then turned my complete attention to studying these photos again. I wanted to prove everyone wrong.

Alessandra Ambrosio has a funny ear. I'm serious. This photo is from Google Image search and is the photo from GQ that I have in my hands. It may in fact be better to buy the GQ and hold the pictures close to you(Getting weird) Seriously, buy the GQ and have a close look at her ears. I know a friend who has this thing about feet(Mind you, I do too) So if a girl is smoking hot but has one odd toe, he will go off her. I don't have quite the same vibe with ears, especially not when they are attached to Alessandra.

However, I just thought I would make it clear that like Gisele(And her nose), Alessandra is not perfect. I also want to be credited as the person who first noticed this. I think I only saw it now as previously I had only been looking at her fantastic tits.

So I have found the flaw in the operating system that is Alessandra.

Mind you, if I were to be sitting in my hotel room at The Palms in Vegas, sipping on some gin and juice, and Alessandra had to walk up to me, naked, covered in oil, with a Mojito in her hand, and she said to me "Here Sean you SEXY FUCK(What happened there?), take a drink. And while you are at it, take me" Then, in this special situation, I would have to take her.

HOWEVER, this is the only situation I would have her in. In any other, less idyllic situation, I would definitely be put off by her ear.

Now click on the photo and study that ear.

But...I bet you still would.

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

I don't have much to write and so I thought maybe I would recommend something to read. The weather is not great and no one really works so it's good to watch DVD's and read stuff.

Like Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S Thompson- "A savage journey to the heart of the American dream"

It is about Hunter and his trip he took to Las Vegas to cover s car race. Anyway, you probably all know the story. He spends the money given to him by a magazine on drugs and gets completely out of shape. I love drug stories because they are so mad. Hunter spent his whole life being paid to cover things for magazines and in the process got completely off his head. He would do road trips and do drugs. It would seem that he was never in an office. He would drink beer while working, he was just living the life. And he knew lot's of people.

The book really is savage, but I enjoyed it and often find myself flipping to the front page where the first line reads:

We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold

Classic stuff. Buy it HERE, and have it delivered straight to your door, or office. Brilliant.

BULLSHIT!

I think we will all agree that THIS is bullshit!

Black owned

I'm always intrigued at this whole thing in South Africa what with quotas and BEE and the like.

However I think we are pushing it now.

We are being stupid, and while I don't just accuse people of being racist, I think this borders on it.

I see on a packet of Blue Ribbon bread that it says "Premier Foods- Largest 100% black owned company in SA"

So therefore a white person will never be allowed to be a part owner of this company. Not that it really bothers me, but what would happen if I had to start up an empire, and then advertise on it "54 Empire- Largest white owned company in SA"

Do you not think there would be cries of racism?

Every company these days seems to be having to have a certain amount of black employees and white and so on.

So why can Premier Foods get away with being 100% black, and why must they declare this on their packaging? Is it really necessary to put this out there, on the packaging?

Intriguing

Hardest man on the planet

I had always believed that Mike Horn was the hardest man on the planet.

Until I read the April 2007 issue of GQ and found out about Dean Karnazes. 50 marathons in 50 consecutive days. 563 kilometres without sleeping over three days. We have found the bionic man.

I managed to find the exact GQ article, which they had re-used, right over HERE.

Read it. Marvel at it. Ask "How?"

How can this stuff be possible?

Warning: Idol ahead

I have just been shocked whilst watching Prison Break. M-Net are now telling me that they are on their fourth season of Idols.

Fuck

What ever happened to our so called "Idols" Where is Anke? And Karin? Heinz still kicks it about for the simple reason that he is the entire package. He is easy on the eye. He has a voice. Do you think Britney Spears would have done as well as she did if she looked like Rosie O' Donnell? No, I don't think she would have. The voice is only a part of the idol.

It's no offence to anyone, but the fact is that people want an idol who is hot, good looking, a belter, whatever you will call it. It's what is in demand.

Let's not stuff it up again this time boys.

Battle at Kruger

Check this out. I doubt anyone will ever see thi

Heard on the town

This was heard at Wadda in Claremont the other night. A girl was walking away from us with quite a fit body. She then turned around and her face did not match her body profile. Some guy pipes up with this pearler:

"She's got a body from Baywatch and a face from Crime Watch!"

It's OK. You can laugh at this. Naturally, I, being quite a prominent, upstanding member of society, did not laugh. Instead, I rapped this silly boy on his knuckles and sent him out the door for making such a crude comment.

Yes

That's exactly what I did

He is back

Yes, I am back. It'd been a good break but I feel refreshed. Ahhh....that's better.

I know people don't care about my life, but would rather be interested in the well articulated, insightful articles that I write about life. Or something like it. Anyway, for you to gain greater insight into how and what I write, I must let you in to my life. You are some of the lucky ones who will read this. Not many people gain such great insight. Consider yourself blessed, my child.

Last we left off we went to Springbok Nude Girls at Madame Zingara, which was mad. That was Sunday. Today is Friday. Mayhem has ensued in between.

Before I carry on let me direct you to a article which I feel you need to read because it where I get inspiration from, and it is why I am so cool, calm and collected these days. It is quite an amazing piece, and works brilliantly.Get it HERE

The only problem is that it works too well. Sometimes I come across as seriously cool and chilled, but because I look at these girls like they are a 4, I kind of lose the plot. I talk to them like I don't really have time for them, and they are blessed to be in my presence. They actually think so highly of me that they believe they are out of my league! Like I am in a higher league! This is obviously not true as I am probably a 4 compared to the like of Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp. I go completely mad. Firstly I talk to them as though they are a 4 and then I come across as though I believe I am a 10. Arrogance radiates from me! I don't really want this, but it happens. Might have to change tactics.

You may have read the piece about kids these days being so dumb a few articles down. Anyway, we bumped into a pearler last night. My friend Charles pointed her out and said "Look it's Paris Hilton" She actually did have some Paris features, big sloppy bottom lip, blonde hair, quite tall, dumb looking. But she was mildly attractive until I said something to her. She looked at me as though I was a juvenile delinquent. She has clearly never been on the internet and seen the power I command over this city. She is lucky I never got her name as it would be all over the internet today and in about 5000 peoples homes. And she would never work in this city again.

But seriously though, she just came across as so dumb that I thought I was losing brain cells to her through some sort of osmosis thing. I'm not joking, she sounded so stupid that I believed she was some sort of alien. Unable to function on her own brain cells, she gets close to you in order to steal your brain cells by osmosis. She needs your brain cells just so she can have basic functions like breathing and walking. I think I lost 40 IQ points last night just being in her presence. Luckily my IQ is off the chart and I ca afford to lose lot's of points.

Then some chick tried to bite my bottom lip off. Don't worry, she will have no job today and if she was at college she will automatically fail. Because I say so.

We went to Sobhar last night to watch "jacSharp alongside Julia"(As my invite stated). She is actually rather good! She has this silky smooth voice, long flowing hair...wait...a...second. I must stop now. She is dating one of my good friends so I will not carry on. Sorry Lex. I love you all. No but seriously she is actually quite awesome, not just from a "She is dating my friend" sort of view.

I was actually at Woolworths with Brittany, the hot American girl, who is actually really one of the guys. Anyway Brittany wanted a mention here so I gave it to her. Now we will never stop mentioning her. So yesterday we were at Woolworths and Britter bought the new Glamour magazine and I saw Julia's name mentioned there, I think maybe they had a free CD or something. So Julia is doing quite well. It's nice to know that if my life turns out shit, I can still hang with the cool crowd.

I must watch Julia again because I was mildly distracted by Brittany and Danielle who joined us at Sobhar. Very naught of them. In between stroking their hair like the guy in Scary Movie(Take my strong hand! Oh child...the resemblance is striking...your eyes...the hair...the nose...) myself and Charlie V also managed to listen to Julia's vocals. We are multi taskers. Yeah so those two were distracting me the whole night wanting all sorts of things from me. As people do.

Danielle left early to go "study" I said I have no idea what study means but I let her know that she was looking quite serious and this "study" thing must have something to do with tracking down the FBI's 10 most wanted criminals. So I let her go. Her hand slipped from mine and I felt my heart fall to the ground and shatter. I hope you caught the baddies sweetie. Call.....me.....

Then Brittany was another story. Because I act like I am a 10, I come across as some sort of uber hero from Troy or 300. Brittany cannot handle me. She really can't. You must see how nervous she gets around me, and Jerry! It's quite cute actually. She says she is dating someone, but I think it's a lie. It calms her down thinking she is dating someone, and therefore she is not quite so nervous around me. But she still lies to herself, telling herself that she is in a relationship, so as not to fall madly in love with me. She knows once she falls in love with me, she will never fall out of it. She will have a greater chance of falling out of a Virgin Airways flight heading to Heathrow. Brittany really is a 10 though, even though she says she is a 7.3. And she has an American accent. High five! And she is American. Sexy times! Right...

I must quickly also mention that Arno Carstens is playing on the 24th June at The Green Dolphin(Whatever the fuck that is) at the V&A Waterfront. Time: 19:30. Call 021 421 7471 for details and the whole shindig.

I must also mention Levi's here because currently their T-shirts are sick. They have the best fit, the best designs, the best quality and the best price. I bought another one yesterday, my third one this year. They have quite a rock star edge to them, which clearly suits my lifestyle perfectly. One place to never buy at is Lee Cooper. I tried on a pair of jeans there yesterday, and I am quite a slim guy(But FUCKING ripped) and with the jeans on, I could not put my wallet into my pants. Talk about Bee Gees nut crackers. And they were low cut, so my Woolworths boxers were showing, and I felt like a porn star. Really, you are not going to find anyone much smaller than me so I don't know who the fuck they are catering for. I cannot fit into one of their shirts either, they hug my body like a coke whore hugs her coke. It's a pity really, because Lee Cooper are decently priced, have the SICKEST designs(Sort of a Diesel vibe), but they just have the worst fit ever. So we will refuse to endorse Lee Cooper. But Levi's are my boys. Except for their jeans, because they don't offer many in a bootcut anymore, which is stupid. Rather save up, go to Diesel at the V&A Waterfront and get yourself a true pair of rock star jeans.

That's it for now, I will post something later after I sleep, got home at 4am. Rock star.

Channel 4 News Team out.